This is about a pretty young woman who became a mom. Being a pretty young woman is something you are or not. Being a mom is a very big job that you do or not. The point is that the person is much more than just the job. I wonder if you’ve thought about your mom like this?
I can still hear my mom’s voice: Go wash your hands, and stand up straight. Those were the two secrets of a successful life according to mom. Funny with this swine flu thing the tv newscasters are sounding a little like mom and that’s a little weird Brian Williams looking right into the tv camera and saying Wash your hands, and don’t put them in your face. Mother’s day comes around every year, and people send lots of candy and flowers and cards to their moms. And I still miss doing that, even though Mom left us years ago just before her 94th birthday.
I’ve started really thinking about the woman who was my mom lately. Being a mom is a job. A big job. But I’ve been wondering about the woman behind the job The young woman the pretty blue eyed blonde who at the age of 22 brought me into the world, fed me and kept me safe and warm and made sure I washed my hands and stood up straight.
I only really knew her because of the way she did her job her career being my mom. But that was only one of the things that she did. She did lots of other things. She was a much bigger person than just my Mom. My Lady Wonder Wench got to know her as a person a lot better than I did I think. They talked a lot together. They had lots of things in common. They were both smart, they were both athletic and they were both married to guys who were crazy in love with them which is not always easy I guess.
We usually think about mom as being a woman who has given birth to a child. But some amazing women have taken on the task of being a mom to another woman’s child. My Lady Wonder Wench did that. Wow. That’s a huge act of love. Feeding, and caring for a child looking into his eyes, and seeing traces of the face of another woman but being sure that he washes his hands and stands up straight anyway. And it’s sometimes not appreciated. Think Cinderella and the wicked step mother.
And how about women who didn’t give birth because they had a miscarriage. Love, and hope and pain that just ends in rivers of tears. That happened to a woman I know, and she’s never forgotten it. You can still see the memory flash across her eyes every time she sees a baby.
Some women have abortions. Put aside your religious or political views on that and just take a look at the woman. I know a couple of women who, for various reasons, decided that they couldn’t do a good job as a Mother. It’s a huge, complicated, and sometimes awful job. Guys with big mouths say lots of women have abortions because they’re convenient. I haven’t heard many women say that. And those couple of women I know who have had abortions let me tell you Mother’s Day hurts. Of course that’s just my personal experience.
I know a couple of women who have adopted children. They are both very happy as single mothers. I don’t know any women who have put a child up for adoption. So they legally don’t have children. I don’t know about the legality of calling them mothers but I wonder if they have middle of the night calls deep down in their hearts.
I know one woman who decided not to have children, because she didn’t want to take a chance on passing along her very difficult physical problem. She is a very good woman.
My Mom came from a comfortable middle income family. Her dad owned a butcher shop, where he worked until just before his death in his late 90s. Grosspop we called him. He was a tough, ex-Prussian Calvary officer a good, loving , hard working man who knew how to discipline his emotions. Mom tried to be like him, but everybody who knew her was well aware that the tough stuff was just a show. She loved poetry and music, and sunsets, and slow smiles. She used to tell me, There is music everywhere it’s just that sometimes you have to be very quiet to hear it.
I wonder what she was like when she was a little girl was she comfortable with climbing up on her daddy’s lap ? She was smart one of the few women in our neighborhood with a college degree. But I have no idea what her school life was like. Did the boy behind her dip her braids into his inkwell ? Did she like to sit in the front of the room? When she got to high school, did she try out for cheer leader ? Who was her first crush and what made him special to her ? Did she get to date him and dump him ? And did she think of him a lot when she grew up ?
There was never any question that Dad was the love of her life. But were there other smaller but still important loves in her life? There are in the lives of many faithful wives. If so, who were they, and what were they like and how did she stay faithful to dad which I know she did.
She was a pretty little blue eyed blonde and she was headstrong at a time when ladies were advised not to speak until they were spoken to. What were the temptations in her life ? Did Dad know about them ? He was very much involved in his work.
Like most people with good jobs, Dad was fired a few times when management changed. How did she deal with that as a person as his wife as his girlfriend ? How did she manage to keep her fears from my four brothers and me? She was a registered nurse who hated nursing. Why did she hate it? Did death scare her ? When her time came, she didn’t seem afraid.
Mom read to me every night at bath time. Poetry mostly. She loved The Highwayman and his lady Bess the landlords daughter the landlord’s dark eyed daughter, tying a red ribbon love knot into her long dark hair. She loved the words, and she loved love. Mostly she loved love but I think she was a little afraid of it. And so was Dad.
Mom and Dad were both athletic. They played tennis together well into their sixties. He was a former track star. Her sport was swimming. She was a big city girl, he was from a small town in Pennsylvania. They spent as much time as they could walking together they loved a toe wiggling, hair mussing, sunshiny wind.
What happened to these two human beings how did this man and this woman change what were their fears, and their hopes when I came along and they all of a sudden took on jobs called Mom and Dad ? And why has it taken me so long to wonder about them just as people?
Dick’s Details Fun Quiz all the answers are in the current podcast.
1- Why do women blink twice as often as men?
2- How can you tell that snails live sheltered lives?
3- What’s a very efficient way for you to multiply the bacteria in your ears?
Dick’s Details take your mind off your mind.
My mom loved animals. She owned a horse, she brought home a monkey once, and she was a number one dog lady. She bought a little puppy we called Whistle. She said Whistle was a good name because the puppy was clean as a whistle. Dad took me aside and mentioned that whistles were usually full of spit. And looking back on it now, I remember that Whistle must have been the Pavoroti of farts. It seemed like there was a purple haze in the air near his bed every morning when I got up. Whistle was a power puppy. Take him out for a walk, and a squirrel dashes past, and Whistle would hit the end of that leash with a pull similar to that exerted by my little car reved up to about 3000 rpm. Not unusual for little dogs in New York. In squirrel infested areas of Central Park, you will often see a frantically barking little power puppy racing across the Sheep Meadow, wearing a leash attached to a bouncing detached arm. But I loved the little guy. He went chasing a car one night, and caught it. And it was when the vet said we had to put him to sleep that mom made me understand how important it was to somehow find whatever it takes to stand up straight. She never said big boys don’t cry. She just said stand up straight. She knew that big boys don’t cry but there are times when big men do.
I wish I knew this person, the pretty young woman… who took on the job of being my mom a little better. And it’s too late now. There’s a story in the new Night Connections 2 personal audio album about a girl who spent her life wondering some of the same things about her dad. It’s called, Daddy’s Girl. I’ve made lots of mistakes as a father but I always liked the sound of little voices calling me Dad.
If you like the story, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, you can simply download it from the Night Connections 2 icon on the opening page of this blog.
Moms are obviously women. And hard as it is to admit, moms are sexy women or they wouldn’t be moms. I don’t know why but it’s hard to think about moms as sexy.
Moms and women in general, are so different from us. They’re curtains, and pillow cases, and butter dishes, and salad forks, and hand towels, and deodorizers, and all kinds of good smelling, clean stuff. My Lady Wonder Wench can HEAR germs. She tracks them down with some kind of weapon of germ destruction. That doesn’t mean guys are just a bunch of filthy, thoughtless, tasteless, slobs.
We are but sometimes when I remember that pretty little blue eyed blond’s voice telling me about the two most important secrets of having a successful life I’m a little better than that. She took on a big job becoming a mom. My mom. And you know how you can tell she was good at it ? Sometimes when I’ve made a mess of things, I actually remember to wash my hands. And I hope that most of the time when things get tough I even remember to stand up straight. Like dad always did. And Mom.