April 23rd, 2017
I’m sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, contemplating the great divide between men and women. It’s in today’s podcast. I know a couple of really smart, pretty women who are leading lonely lives…I think un-necessarily. In my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, there’s a story about a Louie-Louie Generation lady I saw in an Applebee’s bar recently. She was eyeing some guy sitting alone. She reached into her pocket book for a small perfume bottle, squirted some on her little lace hankie, slipped it into the guy’s jacket pocket, smiled up at him and walked away without saying a word. Naturally, he caught up with her and asked her what that was all about. She just said, “It looks good in your pocket.” Then she asked if he went there often, and shook her head as if she couldn’t hear and said, “It’s noisy in here,” and she leaned over toward him so she could hear his answer. The guy didn’t stand a chance. That lady knew the secret. Just ask. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman get turned down when she says to some guy, “Would you like to come up to my apartment?” ASK!
April 22nd, 2017
According to today’s podcast, Americans had about 33% less sex last year compared to 1990. And the smart guys in the white lab coats at the University of Pittsburgh say spending too much time on Facebook, Twitter, You Tube and Instagram seems to be the main reason. Virtual reality is beating meat reality. Instead of “Your place or mine,” It’s now “Hey babe…want to peek at my password?”It’s changing how men and women see themselves.
April 21st, 2017
It’s T.G.I.F. which means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s driving you nuts out the other ear, and you can undulate off comfortably into the night. The smart guys in the white lab coats at Georgetown University have just released a survey that says “Caterpillars can shoot their feces 40 times their body length.” I’ll bet you can’t do that. If the answer is laughingstock what is the question? Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. In 2002, a group of food industry researchers reported that when children were told they couldn’t have junk food, they wanted it even more. Those industry researchers claim their study proved that children should decide for themselves how much junk food they should eat. A conclusion that could only be arrived at by people who have no children of their own. More food news…a baby oyster is called a spat. Can’t you just hear it…“Hey baby, lets have a spat?” If the answer is laughingstock, the question is what do you call an amused heard of cattle. Laughingstock. Why are you making that face at me? Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
A little housekeeping here. If you like these podcasts, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot available at Amazon dot com…shameless plug…or my spoken word story CDs, please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a big favor. So thank you. And Happy Friday.
April 20th, 2017
There’s a confession in today’s podcast. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you meet somebody whose heart is throbbing a little for you? That tingle is your common sense leaving your body. Evidently so many ladies throb and tingle over Kit Harrington, the brooding, sword-wielding hero Jon Snow in HBO’s Game of Thrones, that he is fed up with women swooning over him, hearts throbbing like mad. I don’t have that problem. But remember what I told you about the “ Midtown Manhattan Ladies?” On the outside chance that one of them might be hearing this right now let me set the record straight. No, I’m not gay. Yes, you were stunning. And I was fascinated and delighted to see you…almost all of you in some cases. And no, I’ll never forget you. You just got there at the wrong time and in the wrong place in my life. When you showed up, I’ve got to admit I did some throbbing and even sweating…but then a picture of my Lady Wonder Wench always popped up in my head. She wasn’t angry, just looked hurt like I’d never seen her hurt. It was just a quick picture. But it instantly cancelled out the throbbing that was trying to take control of my hands…and other body parts. I just don’t ever want to see her hurt like that. Not ever.
April 19th, 2017
I like surveys. Here’s one that says “Consensual non-monogamy isn’t for everyone.” An actual sex therapist by the name of Dulcinea Pitagora said that. She also said, “Non-monogamy takes effort. It might take the form of attending ‘play parties’ together and swapping partners, dating other people, or even entering poly-amorous relationships with multiple partners.” Sounds like It’s all just work, work, work folks. And as today’s podcast will remind you, it might be good to remember, that everything that causes trouble starts out looking like a good thing.
April 18th, 2017
According to the American Psychological Association, we’re having less and less face to face of any kind with each other. According to the smart guys in the white lab coats, it’s not just that we’re having less throbbing and general sexiness. They say loneliness and feelings of isolation have now become as big a problem as obesity. And excuse the pun, but obesity is a big problem. Today’s podcast has some stats that say almost 50% of the households in Manhattan and a couple of other cities in America are one person households. Solo heart throbbing isn’t much fun. One of the main reasons I do this podcast, is that the sound of a human voice is at least a small substitute for having some flesh and blood company when you’re lonely. That’s the same reason I always liked being on the air at night. I liked being…company. I liked…connecting.
April 17th, 2017
According to the Washington Post quoted in today’s podcast, Americans had about 33% less sex last year compared to 1990. And the smart guys in the white lab coats at the University of Pittsburgh say spending too much time on Facebook, Twitter, You Tube and Instagram seems to be the main reason. Virtual reality is beating meat reality. Instead of “Your place or mine,” It’s now “Hey babe…want to peek at my password?” Maybe it’s just me, but that sounds as exciting as biting into a chocolate bar that has a leaf of lettuce inside.
April 16th, 2017
The Headline in today’s podcast: Heartthrob Kit Harrington, the brooding, sword-wielding hero Jon Snow in HBO’s Game of Thrones, is fed up with women swooning over him, hearts throbbing like mad. Awww. Let’s say it all together guys at the count of 3. 1-2-3…AAwww the poor guy. He says, “It’s blatantly sexist.” Yes, and I am shocked…shocked I tell you. And not the least bit jealous. Because I’m a real guy. If you women started spreading some of that excess swooning and throbbing over Kit around to the rest of us guys we wouldn’t complain like he does. Because real guys don’t complain. We just soldier on…even in the face of such throbbing, festering female ferocity. We’re a little like that one rebel sun flower in the field that does it his own way.
April 15th, 2017
I am generally in favor of telling the truth. But as I mentioned in today’s podcast, last week I lied. I lied to Facebook. I told them my birthday was last week, they put up a notice to that effect and somewhere around 400 of you sent Happy Birthday greetings…for which I sincerely thank you…That was kind of you, and for me, it was a well intended lie. We all tell them. And sometimes it’s ok. “You’re looking good.” “His lovely wife.” “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” But sometimes it’s not ok. Sometimes it’s a huge mistake. Like when Will Smith said, “It’s better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.” And Tommy Lee just looked him in the eye and said…”Try it.” Pow. Truth. That’s Power.
April 14th, 2017
It’s T.G.I.F, which means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff you’re hearing all day out the other ear, and you can figure out what’s Fake News and what’s just Alternative facts. The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that a healthy pumping human heart can squirt blood as far as 50 feet. Don’t you wonder how healthy the heart is if you notice it’s pumping blood 50 feet? If the answer is zzub, what is the question? I’ll spell that out for you…zzub. Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. Snoring is legal in Massachusetts only when all bedroom windows are closed and locked. I think that’s so your wife can’t escape. Oysters can change gender according to the temperature of the water they’re living in. Ha. It’s now legal for us to change gender according to what state we’re living in. If the answer is zzub (zzub) the question is what is the sound of a bee flying backwards. Zzub. That’s not a spelling bee. Dick’s Details, they take your mind off your mind.
A little housekeeping here…if you like the podcasts, or my spoken word story CDs , or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a favor. Thanks.