Your Hand-some-Ness

When I told my Lady Wonder Wench what I was going to write about in this week’s blog, she said, “Watch out. People aren’t going to understand your weird ideas.” If you’ve been reading this blog or listening to the podcasts I think you know I sometimes have ideas that are…unusual. ButI think this one is genuinely important, and should result in a lot of fun for you. So here goes.

I’m so pleased with myself, as I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room. I’m pleased because of my hand-some-ness. Not in the mirror. At the ends of my arms. I remember, when I met my Lady Wonder Wench all those years ago…instantly…my ears wiggled, my eyebrows twitched and my hand made a plan. And through the years, I have taken every opportunity to use my hand-some more with my Lady Wonder Wench. She likes it when I use my hand-some times, especially to give her feet a little massage. When you give someone you care about a massage, both the massager and the massage-ee get some of what they used to call Good Vibrations.

I’ve told you in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot (Available at Amazon), how good it feels to feel the way I do about my Lady.  And although warm words can be good at describing feelings, they can’t compare with an actual warm hand-some where on the lady’s feet, or back…or wherever. And I must tell you that real Louie Louie Generation guys and girls like the very personal good vibrations that start when we use our hand-some-ness together.

True story. My buddy Al said he was shopping with his lady the other day, and a guy walked over to him with tears in his eyes. Al said “What’s up?” The guy said, “I want to thank you. I saw you holding hands with your lady. I used to hold hands with my wife too. You don’t see people holding hands any more. I miss holding hands with my wife. She’s holding hands with the Lord now. I miss her.”

Big Louie, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie Louie Generation always says, Use your hand-some…while you still have a hand to use.

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers in the current podcast.

  1. What is it that 1 out of 7 Americans can’t find ?
  2. What got some of the Aztec gods ticked at the tribe?
  3. What have alligators and Congress people got in common?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

The ugly truth is that hand-some-ness seems to be slipping away. And I think it is up to us Louie Louie Generation guys and girls to re-arm our selves with even more hand-some-ness because we don’t want that to happen to us. Here’s one suggestion for my fellow Louie Louie lads. I call it the “Joyful Sound of Grinding Teeth” exercise. When you guys walk down the street holding your pretty lady’s hand-some, take a moment to enjoy the sound of the grinding teeth when you pass a bunch of guys, who would very much like to have a lady as pretty as yours. I usually smile and nod at them in a properly off handed way.

It’s up to us Louie Louie Generation guys and girls to re-arm the hand-some-ness in this life, because when the young pimple people guys and girls go walking with their spiked hair and nails through their tongues, they never hold hands. They’re busy texting someone they must feel is more interesting than the person they’re with. And when the old Dreary Drones are out walking, most of the time they don’t even seem like they know each other. Lots of times the guy is walking a few steps in front of his lady. Come on folks. You only live once. ONCE ! Just because you’re both busy…at least stay in touch. I think some people figure life is like Facebook, where you never have to actually meet their friends.

Use your hand-some-ness. Get some personal good vibrations going. Get a life before you die.

Unfortunately guys, some times, you can’t really use your hand some, with your lady, because your lady is lots of zip codes away. Well here’s a wonderful secret weapon for when you’re temporarily un-handed. You really can be a long distance lover. It’s a secret I learned from a lot of years as an evening disc jockey on the radio. The secret is that “Touches are better than words, but words are better than nothing.” And even talking about using your hand some can make your lady feel good. There’s an example in the current podcast.

My Lady Wonder Wench had a bad accident a few years ago. She still has bad dreams about it some times. And usually…just holding her hand- some … makes the bad dream go away. Sometimes it even makes her smile in her sleep. What a lovely sight that is.

“The Lovin Touch” is the title of that cut from the “Quiet Hands” Personal Audio CD. That’s the example I gave in the current podcast. If you like it, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just check it out on the “Quiet Hands” CD icon on the home page.

Hand-some-ness has nothing to do with grabbing, or poking, or hurting in any way. There’s nothing under-handed about hand-some-ness either. And sometimes it does take a little re-arming. Especially when you’re holding her horizontally, and one of your arms has been under her for a long time. That’s like putting your arm around her seat in the theater, and keeping it there for a three hour performance. That is a pain known only to guys. It’s like pay back for what a woman has to go through when she has a baby.

Unlike women, guys must never admit we’re in pain. That’s our steely eyed code. We’re taught to say “I’m feeling fine” until we notice that we’re bleeding a quart a minute, we’re lying in a gutter, and our eyes have popped out of our heads. Until all three of those conditions are met, we just soldier on. Which is childish…I know. But as you Louie Louie ladies have hinted on occasion, guys never grow up. Boys will be boys, and so will 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90 year old men.

And it’s true. We never really grow up. We only learn how to act in public. But we can and do learn. So if you’re a Louie Louie guy, don’t forget to take a moment for the “Joyful Sound of Grinding Teeth” exercise when you’re out in public, carefully holding your pretty lady’s hand-some.

And if you’re a Louie Louie lady, and your lad hasn’t gotten this message. Tell him how important it is to you for him to re-arm his hand-some-ness, so you can help him lock and load your Louie Louie Life.

Then be ready to enjoy as many very warm, and extremely personal good vibrations as you can fit into the time you have left together.

One Response to “Your Hand-some-Ness”

  1. Ellen Ferranti says:

    My husband and I walked hand-in-hand thru midtown Manhattan last nite as we walked home from our office. We had gone to look at laptops for our office and I walked the scenic route along Fifth Ave in the 40’s because he never takes time out…he is always rushing! I specificallly reached for his hand to hold it…and slow down…”smell the roses
    gotta love that “hand-some-ness” and “lovin’ touch” …even after all these years…thanks for reminding me to do so more often with this blog..