The I-pod Man

I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, and I must confess until I started writing this, I was sucking my thumb. I guess that’s a little like hanging on to my “Blue Blankie.” The key pad on my new Ipod is not kind to Louie-Louie Generation guys with thick thumbs. In fact Ipods are not kind to Louie-Louie Generation guys period. And it’s not just because you could call me “Old Clumsy Thumbs.”

 Ipods are also kind of a brain drain. Remember when companies gave you an instruction book when you bought something that was more complicated to use than just plug it in the wall, and turn the knob? The Ipod comes with a little tiny three page foldover instead. It says go to our website on the internet, and download the simple instructions. The simple instructions are 342 pages long. That’s not simple instructions.

 I know simple. I am a simple guy, and that has gotten me along ok so far. Four pages are simple. Ten pages…maybe…342 pages is not simple. I like simple. When I was in the Boy Scouts I went camping one night, and my bunkmate was a guy who eventually grew up to design rockets. As in a rocket scientist. Eddie was not simple. I was simple. It takes both kinds of guys to make it in life. I woke up in the middle of the night, and I looked up at thousands…millions of stars. I reached over and woke Eddie up and asked him, “What do you see?” He said I see stars…probably ten to the tenth power of them.” I said, “What does that tell you?” He said, “Meteorologically speaking, we’ll probably have a nice day tomorrow. What does it tell you ?” I said, “It tells me somebody stole our tent.” I am a simple guy. Simple is good.

 Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation says, “Keeping stuff simple isn’t stupid.” And that got me to thinking that it’s been a while since I told you in so many simple words why I do these podcasts and blogs. It sure isn’t for the money. Actually the, “So many words,” are only three words…and they’re simple. Connection, Company, and a Kick in the pants.

 Here’s what I mean: Lots of people helped me get though lots of nights for lots of years while I was on the air. And I hope that worked the other way around too. I really don’t want to lose connection with those people. They were important to me then, and they’ll always be important to me as long as there are nights to get through. That’s the main reason I call the podcasts, Good Night. Nights can be tough. That’s the Connection part.

 But now, lots of people are new to my huddle. I like that too. That’s the company part. When I was on the air, I never thought about listeners as an audience. I thought about you as a huddle. As in a football huddle. A bunch of us gathered around each other for protection and to help each other get to the goal…which was getting through to the dawn. So new folks are very welcome. Nights can be lonely. I’m not so conceited that I think just a few minutes of conversation on this podcast, or a few sentences in the blog, or even the sound of the personal audio cds is a complete substitute for a real life flesh and blood buddy in the wee small hours…but hey…it is a genuine human interaction… and it’s company…and something is better than nothing.

 The kick in the butt part works like this. I’ve noticed too many of my friends have limp Louie-Louie limbic systems. Your limbic system is the part of your brain that puts the SSS in your sexy. It lights up, when a guy walks into a room, and a woman’s eyebrows twitch, and HE NOTICES THAT. Pimple People don’t notice things like that. Louie-Louie ladies and gents… should.

 It’s easy to let your limbic system go limp when times get tough…when some of us have to join groups like “Parents Without Paychecks.” Some days it seems like it’s all we can do to just keep up with the losers. Once you moved like the Fonz at a disco. Now you move as little as possible, and you dance a little like the pope probably dances. Getting knocked down, and getting up again, and getting knocked down again, and getting up again…eventually tires out your knees. That’s the reason for the  kick in the butt.

 Sometimes a kick in the butt produces a step in the right direction. Maybe you don’t need it. Maybe you do. Here’s a test. When you hear yourself saying things like, “Don’t tell ME to have a nice day…”it’s time to remember what Big Louie always says: “Of course the world sucks. And that’s good. If it didn’t we’d all fall off.” 

 Dick’s Details Quiz…all answers are in the current podcast.

1-    Why are today’s politicians like early mail carriers?

2-    What does Lady Wonder Wench do that causes discrepencies in heart rhythms.

3-    What’s even lower than Washington, D.C.

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 There’s a story in the brand new Night Connections 3 personal audio cd about a Louie-Louie lady who found a very graceful way to get up…after getting knocked down pretty hard. It’s called “Neighbors.”

 A ladylike smile from that Louie-Louie Lady…was the start…of healing a black and blue heart. The lady has class. It takes a while to learn that I think. Class. Eventually…maybe, the pimple person and his blonde will learn about…class. Maybe.

 If you like “Neighbors,” you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Night Connections 3 icon on the home page.

 I’ve been telling you about the Louie-Louie Generation…sexy, active people who remember that song fondly. People with tude. Attitude. And I’ve told you about the Pimple People…like that guy with the blonde. He probably wore his baseball hat sideways… and surfed the internet on his Ipod, even while his blonde was polishing her piercings with some of his bodily parts. And of course there are the Dreadful Drones…kind of virtual people who have totally forgotten how to really have a nice day.

 It really does take all kinds of us to make things work I guess. It’s kind of funny, and almost weird sometimes. My buddy Eddie grew up to make rockets. I got to work at NBC Radio, which is in Manhattan, right across the street from where they call the dancers Rocketts.

 Listen…I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I have a little envy for the fact that the Pimple People’s fingers aren’t as clumsy as mine… and they can make sense of the 342 page instruction book on the internet. 

 Sometimes you want to squeeze the Pimple People out of your life, but I guess Big Louie is right again, when he says…”You’ve got to look at life, one person at a time.”

 I like looking at my Lady Wonder Wench. Because when she looks back, I don’t see the reflection of some Ol Clumsy Thumbs guy with a major brain drain. I see her Louie-Louie lover. Me. And that Lady Wonder Wench smile, always seems like it’s saying… “hey hunk…why don’t you come here and let me limber up your limbics.”

2 Responses to “The I-pod Man”

  1. Sheri says:

    …. you might want to get one of the Pimple People to help with the iPod…. I have found that is one of the best reasons for them to be around… they understand the 342 pages of instructions! My daughter takes care of my iPhone for me, I take care of her computer, and the kids… lol

  2. paul says:

    I keep track because of you and your buddy Charles Binder radio show (miss it, good stuff).