The Dick Summer Connection – September 1, 2007

My Lady Wonder Wench is the kind of woman who causes “The Weatherby Effect” in guys. Here’s the story: Dr. Karen Weatherby just published an article in the New England Journal of Medicine that said “10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well endowed female is good for men’s health and makes men live longer.” This was a five year study of 200 men who volunteered…strictly in the interests of science, of course… to check out a series of busty beauties every day…and doing that gave those guys lower blood pressure, less heart disease, and slower pulse rates… compared to a no doubt deeply resentful test group of other guys who didn’t even get to take a peek.What could be better than this? We now have scientific proof that dedicated drooling over a beautiful woman for just ten minutes every day… cuts a guy’s risk of a stroke and heart attack in half… and that could add four to five years to the average guy’s life. And think of what a wonderful FOUR TO FIVE YEARS those will be. This is going to change the world as we know it.

Dr. Weatherby says just 10 minutes of staring at a nicely curved woman is roughly equivalent to 30 minutes of aerobic exercise….That brings a whole new meaning to the idea of a “stare master workout,” doesn’t it. The good…no, the magnificent Doctor Weatherby says that’s because sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation, and THAT LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE.

Imagine the wonderful changes this will make to the way lady personal trainers will dress for work? Gym memberships will soar. I wonder how this will impact the kind of prescriptions doctors write… “go to Hooters twice every day and come back next week and tell me all about it…in complete detail…take pictures if you can. After all, I’ve got to be careful to keep my blood pressure down too.” I bet this research will even affect the personal life of gynecologists…They’re supposed to be professionally immune to the splendor of sexy women, but since this report, I wouldn’t be surprised if when a gynecologist gets home after a hard day’s work, his wife will take his blood pressure just to be sure it’s still dangerously high.

The only problem I see with this research is that, as I said, my lady Wonder Wench is exactly the kind of woman who has this kind of an effect on guys. Since kindergarten, I have developed a legendary ability to play well with others…but I never really got to be awfully good at sharing…especially when we’re talking about Wonder Wench.

Ms. Wench stays in excellent shape because she’s very athletic. She rides her horse these days. But when I met her she was a skier. That’s a sport I could never understand. You strap a pair of slippery sticks on your feet, climb on an icy chair dangling from a clothesline, which hurls you over 3,000 foot cliffs, and up a mountain so steep the mountain goats are wearing parachutes. Then you slide back down the same mountain at 60 mph, using two sticks to steer between the trees and boulders and other skiers who are stuck in the snow… screaming because they can’t move… having broken their legs and arms and medically expensive internal organs. And if you don’t die zooming over one of those cliffs, you arrive at the bottom of the mountain…and that’s where… for women who look like W. Wench…the real danger lurks…in the form of ski instructors, red corvette convertible drivers, vacationing tennis pros, and jazz piano players. I was always especially suspicious of jazz piano players around Wonder Wench. Think about what they do for a living. 88 keys, with only ten fingers. I don’t want W. Wench getting too close to one of those guys.

I have never understood why, if just looking at a woman can and does get a man all sweaty, just looking at a man doesn’t have the same effect on a woman. Wonder Wench says she just looks at a guy’s face, and listens to his voice. And I believe her. On the other hand… even after all these years together, when I look at her, it sometimes takes me a while to get all the way up to her face. I know…that’s sexist. You know what…I think if you belong to one sex or another, everything you think is sexist. Because your sex shapes your entire life. It does for me, anyway. It’s not politically correct, but it works for me.

Look…if Mary, Jane, Alice, and Joan go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Jane, Alice and Joan. If Mike, Bob, Joe and Al go out for lunch, they will call each other Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut Head and Useless. Women’s magazines are full of advice. Not men’s magazines. Women want to learn. We figure we know what we need to know…just show me somebody naked. Guys don’t wear tight underwear because that would cut off the circulation to our brains.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are in the current PodCast at www.DickSummer.com 

1- Why would women rather undress in front of a man rather than in front of another woman?

2- How do we know that Polar bears are left handed?

3- What’s the nicest thing a guy can give to a beautiful, busty babe?

Scoring:

3 – Right – Doctor Weatherby is your personal physician.

2 – Right – Doctor Westheimer is your personal physician.

1 – Right – Doctor Boat is your personal physician.

0 – Right – Doctor Kevorkian is your personal physician.

HELP, HELP, HELP WANTED – I’m looking for some volunteers to try a new mp3 adventure. I’ve just recorded a single mp3 disc with 27 of the most downloaded “Goodnight” PodCasts. It’s a project I’m calling “Spend The Night With Dick Summer”…because it’s almost seven hours long. I’d like to send you a free copy, with one string attached… I’ll ask you to fill out a short report to let me know what you liked and what you didn’t like about it. If you’re interested, send me an E-mail … Dick@DickSummer.com 

Thanks.

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