Stealth Stuff

Stealth stuff is slowly stalking me…smothering everything in its path. Stealth stuff sneaks in under your radar. That’s why it’s called stealth stuff. Stealth stuff sprouts on smooth flat surfaces…like tables…the tops of dressers…and kitchen counters. Yesterday, when I got back from the store with my nifty new all frequency desk lamp that will give me healthy virtual sunlight during the darker months, my new wi-fi transmitter that will let me use my lap top anywhere within a five mile radius, and my new ten terrabite external hard drive made in China and assembled in Tailand…my stealth stuff signal finally went off…alerting me to the startling scope of the danger I face from the rapidly accelerating level of stealth stuff that has…evidently…for years been stalking me. Sneaking up on me. But it may be too late.

 I work at my day job in my home office. But that deadly stealth stuff has now completely covered my desk…so where am I going to put the brand new stuff I just bought? The nifty all frequency desk lamp that will give me healthy virtual sunlight during the darker months, the new wi-fi transmitter that lets me use my laptop halfway to the next town, and the ten terrabite external hard drive made in China and assembled in Tailand. I found myself standing there yesterday, looking at where I last remembered seeing my desk…with the stuff I just bought in my hands…then… I heard the phone, and it took me ten rings to find it…covered…no, buried… under huge heaps of sinister, stealthy stuff.

 I started thinking that I should be thankful that I could still find MYSELF. I figured I was, at least personally, still one step ahead of the you know what, when I realized I was standing there with more new stuff, sneakily stuffed into both hands. 

 Speaking of stuff…here’s The Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-    Why do Chicago’s women drivers have to cut their hair short ?

2-    What do New York City hospitals and muggers have in common?

3-    Why can small apartments be tough on your animal insurance?

 Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 Speaking of small apartments, there’s a story about what happened when a couple of apartment building neighbors became quite…neighborly. It’s in the new Night Connections 3 personal audio cd. It’s called…appropriately…”Neighbors.” And it’s in this week’s podcast.

 “Neighbors”  explains how a smile can keep your heart from breaking. Or at least…it can help you keep a breaking heart all to yourself. I think all three of the people in the story are going to be fine. But in the long run, that lovely louie-louie generation lady will be the finest of them all. If you like “Neighbors,” you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, you can just go back to the  home page and download it from the Night Connections 3 icon.

 If you’re new to this blog and podcast, you should know that they are about us. The Louie-Louie generation. You probably remember the song. It’s a classic that’s been around for a while, and it has tude…attitude… which is the definition of a member of the Louie-Louie Generation. Louie-Louie Generation guys are the bedmates of choice of super models, porn stars, and Catherine Zeta Jones look alikes. That’s because we treat our women with lots of love and lots of lovely lust, we have some pretty good life stories to tell, and we don’t mind telling them, and many of us have paid off our nice cars and private airplanes.

 Louie-Louie Ladies know how to laugh and cry, love and lust, and comfortably cook. I love watching Louie-Louie ladies…cooking comfortably while they’re on the prowl. I saw one last Friday, eyeing some guy sitting alone at a bar. She put some perfume on her little lace hankie, and sliped it into the guys jacket pocket…smiled up at him…and walked away without a word. Naturally, he caught up with her and asked her what that was all about. She just said, “It looks good in your pocket.” Then she started asking if he came here often…and shook her head…and said it’s noisy in here…and leaned over toward him so she could hear his answer. That guy didn’t stand a chance.

 I saw a Louie-Louie lady sitting at a table with a guy…smiling and talking…and she slowly slid her toe under his trouser cuff…nice and easy…and then tucked it back under her chair. The smile just got warmer, and I couldn’t hear the direction the talk was taking. But it was getting very quiet.

 Last Summer, I saw a Louie-Louie Lady sitting on a park bench, reading a magazine, and slowly crossing and un-crossing her legs. She was obviously enjoying herself. Things like that cause some trees to have teeth marks in their bark…from guys bumping into them.

 Sometimes my Lady Wonder Wench just sits over there on the couch, and crosses her legs kind of high up on the thigh, and lets one shoe slip off enough to show the sole of her foot…then she swings her foot back and forth a little. Oh yeah…Louie-Louie ladies are quite comfortable…cooking.

 They do stealthy stuff like that without even thinking about it. Which brings me back to thinking about all this stealth stuff that’s been sneaking up on me over the years.

 A certain Louie-Louie lady says, “throw it out.” What? Throw out my reel to reel tape recorder, my red knit polyester leisure suit, my lava lamp, my Time magazine with the picture of the Apollo moon landing on the cover…she’s got to be kidding. But it would be nice to be able to use my desk again.

3 Responses to “Stealth Stuff”

  1. Betsy says:

    Dick, I recently heard about a book called “Throw out 50 Things – clear the clutter find your life. ” Maybe it could help you with the stealth stuff.

  2. Dick Butler says:

    Don’t do it you will throw out the most important thing you don’t know you have.

  3. Sheri says:

    3 weeks after you throw away the stealth stuff you don’t think you need… you are gonna need it! I suggest more shelved, or storage boxes… unless of course some of the stealth stuff is floppy disks, or programs for Windows 95… those I think you can safely throw away!