Richard’s Bra

I just got an email that knocked me right out of my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room. It said, quote, “Richard, why are you wearing your mother’s bra? My head went zap…and flashed me the most bizarre picture I have ever seen . Perhaps flashed isn’t the proper word here. The email went on to say that I must modernize my bra, with a seamless microfiber pullover model that features a ribbed band that eliminates rolls, wires and adjusting straps. And for God’s sake…I shouldn’t wear an old fashioned bra that hooks in the back or front. When my eyes stopped rotating long enough for me to regain conscious thought, I couldn’t help wondering where the hell does this thing does hook.

 I was going to ask my Lady Wonder Wench about that, because I mean that’s an important piece of information for a guy who has worked hard and long to achieve the digital dexterity necessary for certification as one of the few remaining one hand un-hookers of the Louie-Louie Generation. But the wise words of Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation rose…calm, cool and in control…from the clattering chaos in my brain. Louie always says, “The experienced husband always thinks twice before he says nothing.” Louie has a wonderful way of dealing with stress. He says, you should handle stress like a dog. If you can’t eat it, or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. Like a lot of guys my age, I sometimes handle stress like that four or five times a night.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1- How would you describe a lazy and lecherous guy ?

2- If a vacuum cleaner sucks, it that good ?

3- Where’s the safest place to run in an earthquake ?

4- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off  your mind.

 I was kidding with you a few minutes ago about handling stress the way a dog handles it. Actually, people seem more stressed than most dogs. But I really was a no kidding therapist for a long time, and I developed a serious system for dealing with stress that worked very well. I use it myself fairly frequently, including once in a rather nasty weather related incident in my little airplane. I wrote an article about that for a flying magazine, and I’ll be glad to send you a freebie copy if you’re interested. It’s called, “Guts For Guys,” but it works just as well for women. I called it, “Guts For Guys, because literally 95% of American pilots are guys. And as I said, it was written for a flying magazine. If you’d like a copy, just drop me an email. No strings. I just thought you might find it helpful.

 By the way, I’m not wearing my mom’s bra. Nor do I want to. I have never had the least inclination to wear my mom’s bra. I never even wanted to see my mom wear her own bra. It does seem to me, that hooking them in the back must make putting them on more difficult than is necessary. My Lady Wonder Wench had a couple of blouses that buttoned up the back. And I must admit I enjoyed watching her button them. Reaching around in the back made her look very…nice.

 There’s a story in the Night Connections personal audio cd, about a guy who was watching his wife dress for a party one night. And it kind of got the better of him. It’s called “The Quick Change Artist.” I think that the only thing more beautiful than watching a woman melt, is the feeling of holding her in your arms while she’s doing it…and breathing the scent of her freshly shampooed hair.

 “The Quick Change Artist” is from the Night Connections personal audio cd. If you like it, you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Night Connections icon on the opening page.

 Let me be clear about this. I base my fashion sense on what doesn’t itch or get stuck in uncomfortable places. I am nothing like Tom Jones…who we saw performing a couple of years ago. His pants were so tight, he must have trimmed his toenails to get into them. I bet he wears his pants out from the inside. Of course, Pimple People guys take it to the other extreme, with their baggy combat trousers barely covering their butts, their spiked hair and their nose rings. I think they dress that way to make sure they don’t have to go any where with their parents.

 The way you wear your pants says a lot about a guy’s age. Pants seem to creep up on a guy over time. Some old guys look like just a pair of pants and a head. But not me. I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, wearing a t shirt with an orange and blue Mets logo, a comfortable gray pair of sweat pants, black socks, bedroom slippers, and underwear briefs. I like being comfortable.

 Fancy clothes can cause trouble…and even stress. I have a buddy who’s wife gave him a very fancy sport coat as a surprise. He came home early last Thursday, and he found it just hanging there on a kitchen chair. He thought about it for a bit, and that’s when the stress kicked in.

 That offer of the freebie stress reduction technique is for real, by the way. It’s called “Guts For Guys,” and to get a free copy, just send me an email…  . There are no strings attached. It just works well, and I thought you might like to have it.

 That’s it. I want to be very clear about this to who ever is sending me e-mails from the Genie bra company. Especially the one I got today that says quote, “Richard, why are you wearing your mother’s bra.”


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