February Is Half Way There

I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, getting ready for an interview about my new book, Staying Happy, Healthy And Hot on my friend Michael Harrison’s radio show, A Touch of Grey. He calls his show, The Talk Show For Grown-ups. It’s fun doing these interviews. I got to talk with Pia Lindstrom on Sirius/XM radio last week. It was such a lot of fun that my son David…who is also our podcast master…posted it on the website at www.dicksummer.com It’s right under the book cover on the home page. Give it a listen when you have a moment.

Pia was questioning what I said in the book about how Louie Louie Generation guys are the bedmates of choice for lusty lady executives, and Catherine Zeta Jones look-alikes. She thought maybe ladies might be more interested in young Brazilian guys who know how to tango. No, Pia. A tango with a pimple person kid can’t compare to an evening with a Louie Louie Lad who says things like…”Good evening, and welcome to my home. Let me help you off with your fur coat and boots. Just stretch out on the couch by the fire, and I’ll rub your poor cold feet a little.. Would you like some wine ? There’s a bottle of Piesporter Goldtrepkin that should be at about just the right chill right now. Did you know your hair has already picked up just a hint of the scent of pine from the fire? Oh, your hands are cold too…let me warm them for you…if you’d like to change, I have a lovely, soft, warm robe you could use…You have such a lovely smile…you smile with style…I know it’s been a long, hard day, and a back rub with some nice, warm oil would release some of that tension you know…Why not just relax here by the fire with me…warm and safe. It’s an old oak log, so it will last late into the night. I know you don’t think you should stay, but the wind outside is so cold, and your face is so soft, and the firelight is so warm in your eyes. Let me keep you warm and safe for a while.”

Ha! Take that Brazilian Pimple People guys dancing your fancy tangos.

Louie Louie Lads love to keep our ladies warm in the February cold. And it’s Feb-RU-ary by the way. I hate it when people skip the R in February. The word is FEBRUARY. Not Febyouary. It’s a really cold and nasty month, except for Valentine’s Day. So maybe it’s brain freeze. Or maybe it’s something more serious and sinister. Think about this. Suppose you were God, and you wanted to make a really nasty, cold month…which if you were God, you’d have a perfect right to do. Maybe you wanted people to know, and appreciate, that just as you could make a stinking hot month like August, you could make a crappy cold month too if you felt like it. In your mercy, you’d make it shorter than the other months, but it would be really nasty cold. So you made the month, and gave it the name February… because, FeBRUary has that nice kind of cold BRRR sound in there. Now suppose your clueless people keep leaving out the BRRR. They keep calling it Febyouary. If you were God, wouldn’t you kind of tighten down the cold screws a little, hoping people would get the point ? Of course you would.

I was born in February, and I blame the cold weather for my introduction to what I have come to call, when I’m looking for excess sympathy, my “lifetime of emotional rejection.” I was born in February. And can you imagine how hard it is for a new born infant to nurse through a wool sweater ?

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-  Who would many Americans like to see get the first known third finger transplant, and why ?

2-  Why should your first move be to remove your clothes when confronted with excess bull ?

3-  Where is the largest concentration of crazy people in the U.S.?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

In February, there are especially sexy places in Brooklyn where you can’t get satellite reception because of the electrical interference from all the static electricity sparks from skin rubbing against all those wool sweaters. I am a Louie-Louie Generation guy, born in Brooklyn…in February…so I know about these things. I remember Sister Mary Knucklebuster telling the guys in the fifth grade, that those sparks were little tiny lightning strikes, put into girl’s sweaters by God to make us keep our fingers to ourselves. I don’t know what she told the girls. But whatever it was, it seemed to be highly effective for all but a very few, very popular young ladies.

One good thing about February; it means we’ve made it about half way through the winter. There’s a story about taking a long winter drive to see my Lady in the lovin touch Personal Audio CD.

It has been a long time since I took that drive. She’s here with me now. And that can be a problem for some people. Sometimes when there hasn’t been any physical distance between two people for a long time, an emotional distance starts growing between them. If they’re not very careful, instead of a simple drive through the night to be together, they begin a quietly tragic journey full of long silences, and angry glances, and sarcastic remarks…that take them emotionally away from each other. One night at a time, their lover’s Spring turns February cold. It has been a long time for us. The small pine tree I planted in the yard towers over our home now. But my lady and I know the danger. And so far, we have kept each other warm and safe inside.

“Winter” is from the lovin touch personal audio cd. If you like it, you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy check out the loving touch icon on the home page. And while you’re there, give a listen to the Pia Lindstrom interview. The (free) download is right under the picture of the book cover.

Maybe it’s just that I was born in February, but it really grates on my one remaining nerve to hear people say the word February without the brrrr. What’s a Febyouary? The BRRR is important. How would you like to go see a Boadway play ? If you come to a red light in your car, are you going to step on the bake? Maybe it doesn’t bother you, but when somebody says Febyouary…I want to strangle that person with my cold fingertips.

You and I…us…we…are a very small huddle of humans. There aren’t very many of us. But we can make a difference. We can stop bringing down the wrath of God, by ignoring the BRRRR He put in February. If He wants us to know he can make a month just as nasty as August, but in the other direction…don’t fight it. Don’t get Him even more ticked off, or we’ll land up dodging polar bears in mid-town traffic. Admit it. It’s cold. Repeat after me. FebBRRRRuary. And tell your friends to do the same. Please. It’ll make a big difference. It might even make February cool again…instead of so damn cold. And it could…possibly… even help ease some of the pain of rejection that I have felt, ever since mom wore that thick, wool sweater, while I was trying to nurse, all those years ago.

One Response to “February Is Half Way There”

  1. Ellen Ferranti says:

    We embrace the month of February! Actually I love it! My husband’s birthday is the 7th..Ground Hog Day is today…Spring is coming (even tho it is 18 degrees here in Manhattan by the East River)…and the Valentine’s Day decorations are up! We need these little days of celebration to warm our winter!