Do Wah, Do Wah

I was diligently drinking my morning cup of coffee today, seriously considering the possibility of starting to work to finish the report I’d been working on for a couple of days, because it’s due tomorrow morning, when the phone rang. I put the half full coffee cup down next to the computer, kicked my chair back, tripped on the rug, and as I grabbed the desk to keep from falling down, I knocked the coffee into the computer key board. The call was from a telemarketer. And it was recorded. I hit the call back button on the phone to ream the company out, and a phone company recording said the number was out of service. I walked over to the kitchen to grab a paper towel to sop up the coffee, forgetting that I had used the last of the roll last night. Fortunately, I was wearing an old shirt, so I looked around to be sure my Lady Wonder Wench wasn’t watching, and I reverted to my bachelor days. Without thinking, I pulled the shirt up out of my trousers, and started wiping up the coffee. But in the process of trying to get the coffee out from between the computer keys, I must have hit the delete button, and the report I was going to finish disappeared from the screen, replaced by a notice that said I was trying to perform an illegal operation, and therefore the program would close down to protect the computer, and I should see the network administrator.

 So…just as I’m standing there with my shirt soaked with coffee, steam pouring out of my ears…saying some very naughty words, the front door opens, and my next door neighbor’s little kid walks in to sell me some Girl Scout cookies. That’s when the business phone rings, and it’s a guy from a network of daytime only radio stations wanting to sell me some commercial time on their most popular show, which is about canning vegetables.

 It was definitely time to take a deep breath, and sit down…here in my big, comfortable, black leather Pappa chair in my living room. So I did. And I’m still here. And I think I better stay here for a while and calm down. I’m getting to like sitting here…calming down. It gives me something to do. I’m getting to like it so much that I’m going to make a point of doing it at least once a month. Maybe more often than that. I’m going to call it my, “Don’t Do What You Don’t Wanna Do Day, do wah, do wha.”

 I was going to call it my, “Do Exactly What You Wanna Do Day,” but sometimes things I can’t control happen, which makes doing exactly what I want to do impossible on that particular day. For example, sometimes I want to take the day off and go flying in my little airplane, but there’s a thunderstorm. Or sometimes I want to watch the New York Mets play baseball, but it’s January. And worst of all, occasionally my Lady Wonder Wench comes down with a headache. So it’s “Don’t Do What You Don’t Wanna Do Day, do wah, do wha.” And it’s “Wanna” not “Want to” because some days I don’t want to prissy around with proper diction. 

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-      What’s with the 8 insect legs in your chocolate bar ?

2-      What does an exploding donkey have to do with an airplane ?

3-      What can you do with stewardesses using only your left hand ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 We need some research in order to make future “Don’t Do What You Don’t Wanna Do Days, do wah do wha” work out. And Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie generation has come up with some good ideas. For example, a great way to start your day would be by just going back to bed. Slip some popping corn into your pancake mix. Maybe the pancakes will flip over by themselves. If you’re going through a revolving door, do it on the push from the guy in front of you. You may feel the urge to do some research of your own on the subject. If you do, and you want to send me the results, my email address is If you don’t want to send me the results, just sit there, and tell me “It’s one of MY Don’t Do What You Don’t Wanna Do Days, so do wha, do wha to you Dick Summer.”

We can’t over do this. If every day were a Don’t Do What You Wanna Do Day, we’d never pay our income taxes, we’d never pack up all our stuff and move to another city, and we’d never answer a call from another telemarketer. Wouldn’t that be awful? And we’d exercise only our good judgment. We’d  never anything that would make us sweat. I have never seen anybody exercising sweaty parts with a smile on his or her face. And sometimes, exercising sweaty parts can create a problem for exercising good judgment. There’s a story about that in the Night Connections personal audio cd. It’s called, the Workout Woman.

 She was out of town on business. Staying at a hotel. Alone. Hotels are like giant masquerade parties. They give you a chance to unwind, relax, and if you want, you can temporarily become someone else. There are no reminders of what you could, or should be doing. No reminders of who you really are…and subtle suggestions of who you might like to pretend to be…just for the night. There is no adult supervision. Other guests are prowling around…at all kinds of hours…checking in, checking out…making noises you probably shouldn’t be hearing. There’s a sense that anything could happen. And for the Workout Woman… it almost did.

 The Workout Woman is in the current podcast. It’s from the Night Connections personal audio cd. If you like it, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Night Connections icon on the home page.

 I have been sitting here so long…a little while longer and I could be declared a land mark. I guess I could cop out and say I’m meditating. But I kind of like the idea of telling people…hey…this is my Don’t Do What You Don’t Wanna Do Day…do wah, do wah. And if anybody says I’m just wasting time, I’ll tell them what Big Louie, his own bad self always says. “It is better to have loafed and lost, than never to have loafed at all.”

2 Responses to “Do Wah, Do Wah”

  1. Mike says:

    Richard, Richard, Richard…

    Tomorrow you must go out and buy a small table, nothing fancy, and place it to the right side of your computer desk. That’s where coffee cups, soft drink cups, beer, whatever, go. I thought you were familiar with the rules! Any liquid spilled anywhere near a computer will, because it Has to, end up in the keyboard. It’s like Murphy’s Law… or buttered toast always falling on the buttered side. No it isn’t science and it does border on belief in the “un natural” but… well you get the idea!

  2. dick butler says:

    Well Dick the rules are when enjoying a good cup of coffee let the phone go to answering service! Then the recording can converse with the recording,that way you just drove the recording crazy.And you got to finish a cup.I know a recording can’t hear a recording.(picky,Picky)