Archive for June, 2014

The Memory Monster

Saturday, June 21st, 2014

Some people think Big Louie his own bad self is old fashioned, just because he likes some of the old ways. He likes to remember fondly when they used to rub mustard plaster on you to stop coughs, and then friends would come over to dip their hot dogs on your chest. It was so friendly. He does like some of the old ways because he understands and respects people who have been around for a while. Those are our folks. The Louie Louie Generation. As he says in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot,  “Sex at 70 is more beautiful than ever, but it’s really better to pull over and park.” Lots of folks think it’s strange that Louie puts people in their 70s in the same sentence as the word sex. To those people Big Louie takes a big healthy bite out of a raw onion and says, “Ha!”  Big Louie has been almost everywhere and done almost everything. That’s why he’s so good with giving advice. He always says, “If at first you don’t succeed, try again when nobody’s looking.” And listen to these words of wisdom for Louie Louie Generation guys…he says, “Just because when you go to a baseball game on cap day you get a cap, or you go to a Vagnarian opera on cap day and you get a Viking helmet, don’t waste your time standing around a ladies room because you’ll come away disappointed. But Big Louie is also very modern. He’s working on an environmentally friendly hearing aid. It gets its electricity from a beanie with a propeller. The faster you jog with this thing, the better you can hear the dogs and the outraged husbands chasing you.

I think the two most important Big Louie sayings are these: You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen. And If you still have any moving parts left, for heaven sake move ‘em. Louie knows that as you get a little older you tend to forget things. Things like when you drive your car you notice that people are yelling at you a lot. Often, these people are lying on your car’s hood at the time. And perhaps while you’re shaving you occasionally notice that your razor seems kind of dull, and when you look a bit more closely you’re amused to see that’s really your tooth brush in your hand. And you tend to forget things. Like you sometimes wear your bathrobe to the office. And it isn’t your office. And you tend to forget things. And it isn’t your bathrobe either. And you tend to forget things.

And we’ve got to talk. Seriously. Because one of the things we tend to forget when our pimples clear up, but the mortgage is still going strong, and the kids need to go to college, and the job looks shaky and more and more frequently we find the names of our old high school classmates in the obituaries…one of the things we tend to forget is passion. Seriously, we need to talk about it. And we will in a minute.

Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s making you nuts out the other ear, and you can crack a grin.

The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that every blue eyed person is descended  from a single ancestor. What a sexy guy he must have been. If the answer is I woke up in the fireplace this morning, what is the question? You don’t know do you. Of course not. I’ll tell you in a minute. Those same smart guys in the white lab coats also tell us that 3 or 4 orgasms a week substantially reduce the chance of a heart attack. ARE YOU LISTENING LADY WONDER  WENCH ? And researchers at Cal Tech have found that male under arm sweat activates brain areas that improve women’s mood and sexual responsiveness. Unfortunately, My Lady Wonder Wench was not part of that research. Oh yes…if the answer is I woke up in the fireplace this morning, the question is how do you know if you slept like a log last night? Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Seriously, we need to talk a little about passion. Two calls hit me this week. One was from a member of our group, and he asked me whether he should take a leap from his comfortable but boring job to an exciting but dangerous new gig. The other phone call was from one of my best friends. And after lots of beating around the bush he told me that after decades of marriage he feels like he’s just living with some un-involved roommate. Wow. I spent a lot of time thinking about those calls. Here’s what I came up with: I think both these guys…and maybe some people listening right now…need to get back in touch with their natural born passion. They need to grab their guts again. There’s way too much thinking going on. It’s making us forget our feelings. Our natural, raw feelings live in our guts. That’s why we say somebody who has courage, has guts. Too much thinking. Not enough guts. Not enough passion. There’s a lot of that going around. I’ll bet you’ve seen it too. Especially with people who have been around for a while. That’s why I was talking about the passionless, pain in the tail Dreary Drones in my book. There’s a story in my Night Connections spoken word CD about a woman whose animal passion was prowling around in the cage where she kept it hidden…deep inside her most dangerous memories.

Animal passion is sinful sometime. And animal passion is holy sometimes. Animal passion can be a monster. But sinful or holy, animal passion is powerful all the time. That’s why we keep it caged in our most dangerous memories. I hope the guy sitting across the room from her had the guts…the courage…to help her break open that cage. It was feeding time for that passionate animal trapped in her memories. That’s why it was on the prowl.

The story is called, The Risk Taking Wife and it’s from my Night Connections spoken word CD. If you like it, you can just keep this podcast,  or if you want a fresh copy just go back to the Night Connections icon on the home page.

Some people would hear this story and call her a hopeless romantic. But there is no such thing as a hopeless romantic. If there’s no hope, there’s no romance. Romance feeds on hope. And it’s passion that gives hope all that power.

As I was telling you a while ago, as we go along, we tend to forget things. I think we were a bit better about passion a while ago when I was a kid. Romance and passion seem kind of out of date these days. People will laugh at you for being romantic now, because romance needs passion, and passion is hot…but it seems that everybody wants to be cool now. But think about the trap in always being cool. Stay cool too long, and your life turns into ice.

 

Dickie-Quickie

Saturday, June 21st, 2014

Got a knock down punch phone call from one of my best friends. Will tell you about it on the podcast when I get my head together enough. Probably tonight.

Dickie-Quickie

Friday, June 20th, 2014

It’s the last day of Spring after an arctic Winter. Reminds me of  Big Louie’s viewpoint in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. Big Louie always says, “You never can tell when something wonderful is going to happen.” Wonderful things I didn’t expect have happened to me over and over in my life. I even did a spoken word CD about it called, “Love Comes When You Least Expect It.” Those are a couple of shameless plugs, but they’re also how I really feel about life.

Dickie-Quickie

Thursday, June 19th, 2014

So…if you are Born Again, do you have two navels? Can you get insurance for an act of God if you are an atheist? And how come your nose runs and your feet smell? And if I died shortly after over-dosing on Viagra, how would they get the coffin lid closed? All questions about how we manage to live our lives. There’s a story about how I lived my life in my lovin touch spoken word CD. It was written a long time ago, when I first fell in love with my Lady Wonder Wench. It’s in the current podcast. 

Wonder Wench Writes

Wednesday, June 18th, 2014

The “Pillow” Lady Wonder Wench is talking about is part of the current podcast.

MY head on the pillow; got that, Louie Louie Lasses? MINE!

My head has been on that pillow for a long time. It will take more than the little neck problem left over from my accident – or a big “other woman” attitude on the part of some … women – to change what we have. 

He writes poetry ABOUT me and FOR me. I don’t know anyone as lucky as I am. 

Well … maybe my Sister in Law, Little Beth 

Dickie-Quickie

Tuesday, June 17th, 2014

Who can you really trust is the question in this week’s podcast. There are some probably perfectly nice people that for some reason it’s hard to trust. For example: a lefty lawyer wearing a large gold watch, any politician, a used car dealer, people in commercials, poets who don’t make sense, guys carrying AK-47s in a supermarket, men with slicked back hair parted in the middle. I think there’s one person you absolutely need to trust. It’s in the podcast. Let me know if you agree/disagree. Dick@DickSummer.com

Dickie-Quickie

Monday, June 16th, 2014

“In God We Trust All Others Pay Cash” was the title of a book by the great radio story teller Jean Sheppard. Johnny Carson had a TV show called “Who Do You Trust.” It’s pretty much what this week’s podcast is about. Good question for you ?  

Dickie-Quickie

Sunday, June 15th, 2014

Who do you trust ? Gotta trust somebody or something. Right ?

In Dick I Trust

Saturday, June 14th, 2014

I just got another email from that guy in Niger who wants to send me the inheritance from my long lost uncle who just died and left him as executor of his will, and all I have to do is send him my bank numbers and social security ID. So I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room trying to figure out how come anybody would trust that guy. And that started me thinking that for a guy from Brooklyn, I’m a fairly trusting guy, and tonight I’m going to explain why I’m kind of a trusting guy. I like Big Louie’s viewpoint that’s in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. Big Louie always says, “You never can tell when something wonderful is going to happen.”  Wonderful things I didn’t expect have happened to me over and over in my life. I even did a spoken word CD about it called, “Love Comes When You Least Expect It.” Those are a couple of shameless plugs, but they’re also how I really feel about life.

But on the other hand, besides fingers…there are some probably perfectly nice people that for some reason it’s hard to trust. For example: a lefty lawyer wearing a large gold watch, any politician, a used car dealer, people in commercials, poets who don’t make sense, guys carrying AK-47s in a supermarket, men with slicked back hair parted in the middle, hypnotists, and smiling bankers. You also can’t trust emails that start out with “Dearly beloved”…and although I usually trust guys dressed up like Santa Claus, it’s hard for me to trust guys dressed up like the Easter Bunny.

There are all kinds of perfectly reasonable statements that we can’t trust. Like “The check is in the mail.” “I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.” There are distressingly distrustful statements like those all over our culture. Shakespeare said, “All the world is a stage and the people on it are but players.” Or maybe it was all the people on it are bit players…I’m not sure. But the problem really is if all of my world is a stage, and I’m but a player on it, where is my audience? And if there’s no room for an audience, what’s the sense of the play? And I hate it when somebody accuses me of wanting to have my cake and eating it too. What’s wrong with that? What good is having a cake you can’t eat ? And if quitters never win and winners never quit, how come I should quit when I’m ahead? And maybe you have also wondered how do “Do not walk on the grass signs” get there. It’s really hard to know who and what to trust.

Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s making your eyes itch out the other ear, and you can warm up and chill out. The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that baby’s dreams are shorter than adults dreams. Really. Could that be because they wake up every fifteen minutes all night ? Oh…if the answer is Cluck Cluck Boom…do you know the question ? Of course not. But I’ll tell you in a minute. Other even smarter guys who make you sit on their comfortable couches and tell them about your toilet training say that only 8% of dreams are about sex. They didn’t ask me. And according to a  European folk tale, a child born on Christmas will become either a lawyer or a thief. Maybe both…who knows. Oh yeah…if the answer is cluck cluck boom, the question is what is the sound of a chicken walking through a mine field. If you’ve been listening to me long enough…you should have seen that coming. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

So…if you are Born Again, do you have two navels? Can you get insurance for an act of God if you are an atheist? And how come your nose runs and your feet smell? And if I died shortly after over-dosing on Viagra, how would they get the coffin lid closed? All questions about how we manage to live our lives. There’s a story about how I lived my life in my lovin touch spoken word CD. It was written a long time ago, when I first fell in love with my Lady Wonder Wench. I am always amazed when I wake up before here, and she’s still there with me. She sleeps on her right side. When I see her left shoulder looking so soft in the gentle first light of morning, I often wonder how many more times I’ll get to do that. We’ve been together for a long time. But not nearly long enough.

The story is called Parking Meter Life. It’s from my lovin touch spoken word CD. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just go back to dick summer dot com, and check out the lovin touch icon on the home page.

It’s hard to know who you can trust. We’re taught to lie. Guys are taught to say “I’m feeling fine” even when you’re bleeding a quart a minute and your eyes are about to pop out of your head. And women are taught that some day your prince will come. You can’t even completely trust your dog to guard your steak. But if you don’t have the guts to trust anything…and it seems that’s the case with lots of people right now…you guys will be afraid to really feel fine, and you ladies will ignore the next imperfectly wonderful prince who’s doing the best he can to get your attention. And that’s a stupid way to live. I like life. Life is something to do. So I believe in what Big Louie always says: Honesty = The Truth + Maybe.

That means that sometimes the things that seem most obviously true are lies. But it also means that sometimes what seems like a lie isn’t. It’s just a mistake. Like, “Sure the sun goes around the earth.” “Stars are just little twinkling lights in the sky.” “Boil my milk? Hey Louis Pasteur, you’re nuts.” Honesty = The Truth + Maybe is also another way of saying that people with closed minds should also have closed mouths. So I guess that even when the guy from the government is promising you that your check is in the mail, you have to believe in something and somebody if you want to be alive the day you die. I do believe Big Louie when he says, “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen.” Wonderful things have happened many times in my life…and usually when I least expect them to happen.

I never expected to meet my Lady Wonder Wench. But zap…one day…there she was. And one night I realized that bringing her into my life was going to require one huge leap of faith…and trust…in her…and in myself. And a lot of very wonderful things have happened ever since.

Dickie-Quickie

Saturday, June 14th, 2014

Way too much nasty stuff in the news. Lots of it lies. Tomorrow’s podcast deals with how we lie to eachother. Even with every day language. For example, “Coffee” is not someone upon whom you cough. “Flabbergasted” isn’t when you’re upset over the weight you’ve gained. If you’re all “Willy Nilly” that doesn’t mean you need more Viagra.