This is about what Capt. Eric wrote. But I think you Louie-Louie Ladies will understand…and I hope Eric does too. Because Dick and I like him.
Dear Eric … It isn’t easy to try to tell someone else how to live their lives. Matter of fact, even Big Louie would probably say “oh well” and let it go. But you’re a friend, and a Louie-Louie Lad, and I want you to be happy. So here goes.
Get a girlfriend first… then worry about whether or not she’s the “one.” A girlfriend … that is, a female you enjoy spending time with, who can be … a friend. She can laugh at your silly jokes (I know they’ll be silly ‘cause you’re a friend of His Own Bad Self) … and she can hold your hand at the movies or walking down the street … and she’ll get pissed at you for no apparent reason (that YOU can think of) but get over it and maybe cook you dinner … A friend who’s female, Buck, someone you enjoy spending time with even if you’re not sure it will be forever. SOME time together is worth more than lots of time alone. Trust me, I know. (Does losing someone hurt? Ye gods, of course. But is it worth it? For the memories … YES!)
Always remember … there are times with the one who’s gone that you should never forget. You taught her to fly. Remember her first solo flight … you felt like god, I’ll bet. Nothing can ever take that away from you. No matter what she does or where she goes, every time she flies, YOU GOT HER THERE! Don’t forget the good times; just put them in their place. Nice memories. BUT NOT YOUR LIFE.
Is there a one for you? Well, I know you so I’m biased but … yes, I believe there is. Will you meet her? Now that is a tough one to answer. I know very well that we don’t all always find that one in the right time or the right place. Sounds like a novel, doesn’t it. Just don’t ever stop believing.
If you are good and behave yourself (well, not too much) and acquire and care for a girlfriend … even if you know she’s not the one … enjoy your time together and NEVER let her see that you are still hoping for “her” to come along. Your “Girlfriend” just might surprise you.
You are so right. Too many people go into a relationship looking for signs that this is the “one” … instead of just enjoying spending time with, and getting to know the other person. In our society of instant gratification, people don’t seem willing to take the time it takes, and the work, to see if there is a relationship there… it’s almost like.. if on the first date you aren’t hearing wedding bells.. then it’s not the “one”.
And tell Captain Eric, that sometimes, the “one” is the one that has been there in front you of all along… someone you see every day. Maybe it’s time to look at those around you in a different light…..
Being a best friend is so much better than looking for a relationship. I’ve been there, and because I pushed, I let the right one go. We dated exclusively for 7 years, and were also lovers. I tried to get him to make a commitment, even going so far as to propose to him on February 29th. He laughed it off, insisting that we were “just friends”. He brought me to meet his family and that was something he didn’t do for any of his girlfriends (since he moved away from home). Shorten the story — I was looking for a commitment, so I set a timeline. I was going to get a commitment from him or go elsewhere. Well, I found someone else instead, and married him because he was willing to commit. Here I am 25 years later with the man I married, and knowing that there’s something very important missing out of my life.
About 8 years ago I called my old lover/boyfriend and we just talked — friend stuff. We caught each other up on what we were doing, and the latest about our families. About a year later we met in person again. I felt it was somewhat awkward but it was evident that the friendship was still going strong. We began a tradition at that time to have one day out, just the 2 of us, whenever I went to his area again, and do something fun. Now that we’re apart, and actually friends, it’s turned out that the true friendship we have now is much better than the serious relationship we once had.
As you will agree, WW, if you marry your best friend, the rest will follow. I really burned BADLY this man I cared about. He hasn’t had a serious relationship since we were together. He has hardly dated at all. He doesn’t want to get hurt again. I did tell him that if he wanted me, I’d come back to him, but that I would maintain being friends first, and all else second. I also told him that I still love him — and when he backed away, I clarified that it was different from before: it is a love a friend has for another friend. I don’t blame the Captain for being “gun shy”. Being hurt in love is probably the worst thing that could happen to anyone. What the gal said to him is hurtful. But on the other hand, don’t look for love. It will come to you. When it does, it will be mutual. Don’t let it go.