I think I’ll remember yesterday for a very long time. Let me grab my seat here in my comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair and I’ll tell you about it. Once upon a time, a long time ago…so long ago that as a matter of fact it was during the original reign of the Louie Louie Generation…Louie Louie was still all over the radio…my Lady Wonder Wench gave me a wonderful yesterday to remember. It was one night when we were first dating. She was driving…we went through a toll booth…it was late…she had on shorts and a slightly sexy top…which on her is anything less than an iron shirt…nor ironed…iron. You’ve heard her voice. And the rest of her looks like she sounds. We came to a toll booth, and she looked up at the toll taker…a young guy with a heavy metal station playing in the booth…she smiled sweetly and said, “My you look so lonely.” I thought he was going to drop his eyes, his teeth, and his badge. You could hear his glands crashing into each other. His tattoos were actually shaking when he handed her some change. She smiled again, and we were off. She did that kind of thing all the time. She created testosterone tsunamis wherever she went. She still does, all these years later. A wonderful yesterday to remember.

The women in my family all like driving. Another yesterday I’ll remember is one summer when I lent my mother my car. I was slightly terrified. Mom’s idea of driving was to point the car, and hit the gas pedal. She wanted to use my car to drive to the beach, and generally run around a little. She was 83 at the time, but very healthy, bright and alert. However…she had to sit on a pillow to see out over the dashboard. I was worried about it, but what do you say to your mother when she says, “Will you please lend me your car ?” I said “The brakes are bad.” She said “I’ll get them fixed.” I said “That’s too expensive. I’ll get them fixed…in a week or so.” She had heard lots of “the check is in the mail” stories like that, so she said, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to rent one then…one of those old ones that don’t run very well…that’s all I can afford.” So, mom got the car. When I gave her the keys, she said “Thanks.” She smiled, opened the door, got in, pointed it toward the beach, and lay down rubber. As I remember, it was a long summer. She brought the car back minus the bumper that summer, which was ok, because turn about is fair play, and I remember some escapades of mine in her car while I was growing up…I remember some of those yesterdays quite fondly. 

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1- Why can you say a nectar bat is a most distasteful creature?

2- Why should you keep your ride away from a buttwink ?

3- When should you keep your kid out of a stroller “

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

She’s sleeping comfortably on the couch across the living room right now…my Lady Wonder Wench. She’s not feeling well, and she’s had some bad news today. But she’s beautiful. My own personal testosterone tsunami. She always turns things around. I was giving her a back rub to help her relax, and because she knew I was hurting because I knew she was hurting, she started trying to make me feel better. As I said, she’s a beautiful, Louie Louie Generation Lady.

She reminded me of one of Big Louie’s best sayings: “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen.” Then she started to sing. She hasn’t actually sung…out loud…since before her accident a few years ago. But she actually started singing a song about watching for something wonderful. Tomorrow.  She was singing quietly, but out loud. Then she took a deep breath and smiled, and fell asleep in my arms. How did I get this lucky.

Here’s something new.  We’ll call it Man Mouth vs. Woman Words. Was it a man or a woman who made this statement: “Sex is the biggest nothing of all time.” That’s an actual quote. Was it said by a man or a woman. Man mouth or woman words. Drop me an email – dick at dick . I’ll give you the answer on the next podcast, and I may give you a sneak Dickie Quickie preview during the week  here on the blog. Let’s see if men or women are better at our new game…Man Mouth vs. Woman Words.

Speaking of driving, even some road signs remind me of my Lady Wonder Wench. Soft Shoulders. Slippery when wet. And my favorite because her more militant friends hate it…YIELD ! Speaking of things feminists hate, even Big Louie, the chief mustard cutter of the Louie Louie Generation will admit that some guys need to calm down a little. He says, “You may be getting too hormonal if your erogenious zone is any soft surface…or if you are frequently having sex even when you don’t need it, or your morning after regrets are mostly that you didn’t have it more, or you’ve stashed a lover on company property…like in your desk drawer. Ask yourself, does your love making make your contact lenses steam up, even in August? Have you been asked to move because your bed has been capsizing and you’re bothering the people downstairs ?

Or have you had the opposite problem. If that’s the case, Big Louie has some hints for better love-making. First, never ask “How was I” in the middle of love making. You’ll get some nasty answers. Also, wait till your lover has come to a complete stop before getting up and ordering a pizza. That’s known as the Flight Attendant Rule. Remember, if your partner calls out your name in a moment of passion, don’t say “What do you want now?” And last but not least, if your partner asks to see you again, don’t show off by whipping out your pocket appointment book and thumbing through a few pages. Hard to believe but some guys actually do stuff like that so they can look macho. Mostly, guys like that are what I call in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot…”Pimple People.”  Some people just call them loud mouths. Louie Louie Generation guys aren’t like that. We tend to be happy, powerful and quiet. Lots of people mistake happy, quiet, powerful men for weaklings. Especially when it comes to love. There’s a story in the Bedtime Stories Personal Audio CD about a quiet guy who’s finding out the hard way, that if love is the answer, there never was a harder question.

It’s true that yesterday never comes again. But this guy got lucky. He found out that sometimes today is really the start of tomorrow.

The story is called I Miss You. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just check out the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.

Some of you have probably figured out that I was the guy in that bedtime story. It was lots of yesterdays ago. I almost gave up…all those yesterdays ago. Because yesterdays never do come again. But ever since I met her, every time I’ve been about to give up…I hear her reminding me that you can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen. If it didn’t happen yesterday, maybe it’ll be tomorrow.

2 Responses to “Tomorrow”

  1. Ellen Ferranti says:

    My guess: woman words…not mine though!

  2. aliasJean Fox says:

    I agree with Ellen – woman words …. as for the rest: no comment.