The Swift Shrinkage of Spousal Spice

I’m trying to figure out how to do a better job of explaining last week’s “Do You Do You” podcast and blog. I don’t think I made it clear enough. And it’s important to me that I make it clear enough for you to really understand… because I am a big fan of spousal spice. I guess you could call me a spousal “Spice Guy”. Spousal as in my Lady Wonder Wench. And Spice as in hot.

 Some things are so clear, they don’t need an explanation. There were orange traffic cones on Rt. 52 today, with a totally un-necessary sign that said, “Construction next 2 miles.” Right off hand, the only other explanation for orange traffic cones on the road I could come up with would be, “Psychedelic witches embedded in macadam next two miles.”

 There are some signs…that should be just as clear…all around us…But it looks like we’re not seeing them. And that’s what makes me think you might want to remember to “Do You.” They are signs of the swift shrinkage of spousal spice.

 I was at the diner with my Lady Wonder Wench tonight. There was a fat young guy in the next booth. A typical pimple person. He had his Phillies baseball cap on sideways, and he was playing some kind of game with his hand held whatever it was, totally ignoring the skinny girl in some kind of long rain coat at the same table, who was laughing with somebody else on her cell phone. They came in together, and sat at the same table together, but they sure weren’t…together. What happened ? There must have been some heat…some spice going on at one time in their relationship…or they wouldn’t have been there at the same table.

 Over by the salad bar, there was a middle aged, bald guy in a ratty sweatshirt and jeans, who never took his eyes off the game on the flat screen tv on the wall. There was a woman about the same age at the table, reading a magazine. I kept wondering if she was his foxy secretary…some night a long time ago. They were sitting at the same table, but they certainly weren’t together tonight.  And I kept wondering what happened…or what didn’t happen…that turned them from lovers into just two half worn out people at the same table.

 Over by the cash register, a rather pretty, but very tired looking young long haired brunette woman in jeans and a jacket that said, Chester County EMT on the back, was feeding a baby. The guy at her table had his eyes all over the blonde waitress at the counter. She saw what he was doing, but she didn’t really seem to care. I guess she was used to it. When did she get used to it ? What happened ? And why? And why didn’t she do something about it right then. Why don’t THEY do something about it…now. Why don’t they do something. I don’t know what. But deep down inside…they know. So why don’t they do it ?

 Statistics say that 35% of the people looking for hot dates on the internet are already married. Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation says, “If they had more hot dates with their spouses, they probably wouldn’t be fooling around on the internet.” He’s right. Spousal spice.

 That’s why I think we are seeing the swift shrinkage of spousal spice. And I hate that. “Do You” was an important part of why my Lady Wonder Wench is with me. And I have a hunch that the coming apart instead of coming together for so many couples is due largely to doing what other people expect them to do. They go to some guru. If and when you feel your spousal spice shrinking…I very much hope you’ll be a smart Louie-Louie Generation lad or lady…and Do You…instead.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.


1-      What excites a neon atom ?

2-      What caused the fossil to go “pfissst?”

3-      Why does your cat think you were put on earth?


Dick’s Details…they take your mind off your mind.

 I just got a note from a proud podcast participant by the name of Roberta. It says in part, “Do you Do You is a good question. I married a man who I always love, sometimes hate, but was never in love with. We have two beautiful children, a beautiful home, and are financially comfortable, I have a career I love, and am involved in the community. My husband loves me, and has never lifted a hand to me. The very worst thing that takes place in our relationship is that he will not share his life with me in any way. He feels his problems are his alone. My husband is not interested in touching me emotionally or physically, and I have gotten used to this, and am comfortable with this. I used to think that there was something more for me out there somewhere, but as the years and my youth have passed by, I no longer believe there is a “true love” waiting for me. I am rarely un-happy. Am I being a realist, or a fool.”

 I don’t have the answer for you Roberta. But you do. It’s very clear, and it’s all the way down inside. And that’s what I mean when I say…you’ve gotta “Do You.” I take that back. You don’t HAVE to do anything. Most people don’t. And I think that’s one of the reasons we are experiencing the swift shrinkage of spousal spice.

 There’s a story about that in the original Night Connections personal audio cd and in the current podcast. It’s called, “The Risky Wife.”I like to think she took a chance…and he did some swooping and carrying her off again that night. It’s really hard…when you’ve been together so long. But it’s gooood.

 Those are dangerous words…anything you want. My Lady Wonder Wench said exactly that to me one night…a very long time ago. And it WAS a very long time ago. Our lives were very confusing the night she said anything you want. But…all of a sudden it was very clear that I wanted her. I thank God I took my own advice…Do You. Because most of society, and all the experts said…it would never work. But…it did. And it does. So far. But there’s no question that it’s hard to keep the music playing…after such a long time. Sometimes a joke helps to break the routine that develops over the years. You listen to music at night, while you read your book, and she does her needlepoint. It’s a safe, comfortable routine. But after a while it leads to the ever swifter shrinkage of spousal spice. But look…if you Do You, and your hunch is that’s honestly ok with you…that’s ok too. Never let anybody else…ANYBODY ELSE…eat your hunch.

” The Risky Wife” is from the original Night Connections personal audio album. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Night Connections icon on the home page.

 Shakespeare said it poetically and powerfully. He said, “To thine own self be true, and it follows as the night the day, that thou will not be false to any man.” But you don’t need a guy who dresses in puffy pants and funny hats to tell you basically the same thing.

 Big Louie isn’t so poetic and powerful. But the message is about the same. When the knuckles are bare, the fangs are out, and the light in the tunnel is tooting a horn and getting bigger fast…don’t google a guru. Just Do You. And when you do, don’t EVER let anybody else eat your hunch.




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