There’s a new “Wee Beastie” living at Bob and Sheila’s place down the block now. That’s why the lights are on at 2, 4 and 6 AM every day now. That’s called the “Wee Beastie Effect.” Their new Wee Beastie’s name is Robert junior. I saw Bob while I was out riding my bike yesterday, and Bob told me Robert junior usually announces his presence with authority…and at the top of his lungs…especially when it’s feeding time in the middle of the night. Little Bobbie is a Wee Beastie who gets the proper care. I hope his Whee Beastie will, too.
Don’t confuse Wee Beasties like little Bobby… with Whee Beasties… the kind you can’t see…the whoopie makers in your life… like the Whee Beastie who wiggles my eyebrows when my Lady Wonder Wench walks into the room wearing “something a little more comfortable.” I call my Whee Beastie, “Rumpelstiltskin Farfegnugen.” “Farf” for short. He is a powerful and dangerous little guy.
Consider what happened today: The weather was beautiful but, as usual, I was downstairs in my office working and slaving…trying to earn a living…and all of a sudden “Farf” showed up and started his Whee Beastie thing…. and in no time…completely against my will…sort of…I found myself at the airport….going flying in my little airplane instead of working! Whee Beasties are powerful and dangerous little creatures. And everybody has one. But some people don’t pay any attention to them…especially lots of Louie-Louie Generation folks…and that can be problem.
Whee Beasties work hard to juice up your life. For example…if you live in an apartment with thin walls, you will occasionally hear someone shouting something like “oh my God…yes”… in the middle of the night. If it doesn’t exactly sound like a prayer…you can be pretty sure that somebody has opened the cage and let her Whee Beastie out to play.
This will come as a shock to any members of the pimple people who have wandered by, but Whee Beasties don’t get scared off when an AARP card shows up in your mailbox. In fact, I know a Louie-Louie Generation guy whose Whee Beastie made him put an autopilot in his small airplane so he can take his lady up to join the “mile high club.” Unfortunately, his Whee Beastie hasn’t been able to talk her Whee B. into cooperating just yet. But he will try again tomorrow. Because that’s one of the things Whee Beasties do.
By the way, if you haven’t heard about the Louie-Louie Generation, that’s my fault. Because I am the guy “Big Louie, his own bad self,” is depending on to spread the word. I am the designated Word Spreader. The Louie-Louie Generation is made up of people who have had that song playing in the background of our lives for a long time. Lots of us have AARP cards, and ALL of us have lots of ‘tude…attitude. And of course we have the words of “Big Louie…his own bad self,” the founder and President of the School of Hard Knock-Knocks, to guide us.
You know I like to kid you about a lot of things. But this is important to me. I think way too many of our Whee Beasties are being seriously neglected. But as “Big Louie…his own bad self” likes to say, “Dogs are always barking, cats are always meowing, and people are always preaching.” So, any time I start sounding too much like Al Sharpton or Jerry Wright or John Hagee, please send me an Email and tell me to knock it off. And I’m not kidding about that. The Email address is Dick@DickSummer.com
Here’s my point: I’ve told you that I call my Lady Wonder Wench, “The chocolate chip in my cookie.” She’s pretty. I like her. And I want her to know that. I think she does…and I think that’s part of the reason that after all these years her Whee Beastie still likes to encourage her to walk in here wearing…very little…which makes my Whee B., “Farf,” wiggle my eyebrows…etc.
On the other hand, my buddy Jeff calls his wife the old bag. I won’t tell you what she calls him. They think they’re kidding. I think they’ve kept their Whee Beasties locked up and neglected way too long. I think Jeff is also trying to prove to the other guys that he’s tough. I’ve told him that’s not ACTING stupid…that’s the real thing. Hey…we’re old friends.Listen…NOBODY is as tough as “Big Louie…his own bad self.” Legend has it that when he was born, his parents brought him home strapped to the fender of his father’s car. Some people claim he drinks Gator Aid directly from the gator. But the thing that a lot of ladies love about him, and a lot of guys…including me… admire, is that he is also the kind of guy who knows that courage isn’t always about beating your chest and hollering I’m number one. Sometimes, courage is about paying attention to a little Whee Beastie voice in your head at the end of the day that very quietly says…I sure screwed up today. But I’ll try again tomorrow.
And that’s what I think is so important.
Dick’s Details quiz – all the answers are in the current PodCast at www.DickSummer.com
1- How does Rumpelstiltskin Farfegnugen think I can get lots of girls to get naked?
2- Why hasn’t anybody been able to count all the sheep in Montana?
3- How can you tell which of your neighbors had a barbecue last week?
Scoring:
3 right – Whee Beastie
2- right – King Kong
1- right – WWF Smackdown Champ
0- right – Tiny Tim
There are Wee Beasties you can see… like little Bobby down the block…and Whee Beasties like the one that used to make you get up and dance like nobody was watching when the dj at the record hop played Louie-Louie. Big Louie says you can make love that same Whee Beastie way…like nobody is watching…even if you’re a little afraid of all the aches and pains… and the stiffness in all your muscles… except the ones that are supposed to be stiff…or those extra pounds around the belly that don’t look so good.
But… if you absolutely have to keep your Whee Beastie’s cage locked up tonight…or if there aren’t any Whee Beasties for yours to play with right now… at least listen to that Whee Beastie voice in your ear…the one that keeps saying…”I’ll try again tomorrow.