The Dick Summer Connection – March 9, 2008 DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME

I was a disc jockey at a long list of stations…including WNBC, WNEW, WBZ, WPIX, WMEX, WTMX, WIBC…and a whole lot of others. A disc jockey’s life is not secure. One day you’re delivering commercials, the next day you’re delivering pizza. Then, for years, I was a clinical hypnotist. When I closed the hypnosis office, I told my friends it was because I got carpel tunnel in my watch dangling arm. But it was really because I got completely burned out listening to all those people’s troubles. Through all those years…my Lady Wonder Wench has always stood by me with never a whimper …always encouraging me…always soft and loving…and beautiful … except when I’m driving the car.

She turns on me when I’m driving the car…my soft, loving, beautiful, faithful, smart, wonderful, Wonder Wench. She criticizes my driving so… enthusiastically… it’s like a single word coming out of her mouth. My buddy Al says maybe that’s a good thing… because we don’t keep petty annoyances to ourselves. He says “you get together and shout things over while you’re in the car.” Al’s wife VG doesn’t do that anymore. Actually she does, but now Al has a convertible…and he drives with the top down all the time…even in January…so he can’t hear what she’s saying.

Of course, there are better ways than yelling to work out your petty annoyances. I told you I am Mr. Pushups…making the fingerprints on the carpet doing my daily sets helps a lot to calm me down. I like working out at home instead of at a gym, because it’s free, and you can scratch yourself any place and any time you like. Besides, if you go to a weight room it’s always full of large, sweaty, smelly guys, who are clanging barbells loudly and making noises like elephants with severe intestinal gas. Then you go into the sauna, and there are always two overweight, elderly ladies loudly discussing some growths they’ve found in their pelvic areas.

The only problem with working out at home is that you can make up too many excuses. I find myself saying…ok…time to work out. Let’s do some push ups. Then my other self says, “Well, ok, but not now. It’s been a long day. And better not do any tomorrow either because it’s pretty close to today…work out too often and next thing you know you’ll strain a ligament or something. That can cause a condition known to the medical profession as a charley horse…which is sometimes semi fatal.” I catch myself saying things like that.

 

I’m in fairly good shape. Like lots of Louie-Louie Generation guys, I can still do the Watusi, the Swim, and the Mashed Potatoes. I have some problems with the limbo…but I can still do it…even though when I do, my Lady Wonder Wench smiles one of those tight little “oh my God, don’t kill yourself” smiles.

How come we don’t have any new dances like the Twist or the Loco Motion? Come to think of it, maybe we do, but our kids just aren’t telling us about them.

There is something very Limbic about dancing. Your Limbic system lives in a little pea size thing at the bottom and back of your brain. It is a totally irresponsible little devil. My Limbic system is the thing that makes my eyebrows wiggle when Wonder Wench wanders in wearing something she says is “a little more comfortable.” It’s kind of the “Wild Thing that makes your heart sing”…and sees to it that everything is “groovy.”

I like that word…”groovy”…it’s so…sixties. I liked the sixties. They had mini skirts in the sixties. Wonder Wench wore one…very well. Those of us who are members of the Louie-Louie Generation remember the immortal words of Big Louie…his own bad self, when he said…”There IS…a difference… between a girl who is wearing a mini skirt and a girl who’s just wearing a skirt that’s too short for her.” I say ‘Viva la difference.’

Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are in the current PodCast at  www.dicksummer.com .

1- Depending on the male/female mix and what they’re wearing and what time it is, how far will ten people raise the temperature of a medium size room?

2- Why do you sometimes see spaghetti stuck to the wall in homes where people watch the TV Food Channel?

3- Depending on the physical attributes of nearby females, what does the AMA say a healthy man should be able to do in three seconds?

Scoring:

3 – right – “Dancing With The Stars” winner

2 – right – “American Bandstand Regular”

1- right – “The Fonz/ Richie’s Sister”

0- right – Dick Summer/Wonder Wench Summer

“The Summer Stumper”: What is it without which an airplane cannot fly, but which is of no value to the airplane. Nobody has come up with the right answer so far, regardless of the valiant efforts of Proud PodCast Participants like Dick Butler, Jim Doran, Eric the Pilot, ms. Many Waters, Mike T, Paul Berge the Ailerona guy, and lots of others. The answer is not the pilot…it’s not air…and it’s not lift. The answer is not some trick or some joke…it’s a real answer…and it’s almost excruciatingly simple. When you think you have it figured out, send me an Email at Dick@DickSummer.com    Don’t feel badly if you don’t get it right away… even some very high time pilots haven’t come up with the right answer. So I will keep on annoying you with the Summer Stumper until someone rings the bell. Which is a clue by the way. What is it without which an airplane cannot fly, but which is of no value to the airplane.

I sometimes give my Lady Wonder Wench a hard time about what might be called her…slightly excessive verbal activities in the car (to say nothing of the scratch marks she often leaves on the upholstry). The truth is, that doesn’t really bother me as much as when she is completely quiet. As any Louie-Louie Generation guy will understand…when your wife is quiet…really quiet…THAT’s scary.

But the scariest thing about My Lady Wonder Wench really… is…her courage. It hasn’t been easy…through those disc jockey years… sweating the ratings…the hypnotist time…trying to make business ends meet…and now.

Now…I’m still a go getter. But going and getting it takes me two trips. I don’t know anybody else who would have stuck with me through all this…with so much beauty, love, style and grace.

Except while I’m driving the car. Thank God she wasn’t in the car with me when I was delivering pizzas.

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