The Dick Summer Connection – March 4, 2007

Very near future headlines: Bush calls Putin pee-pee challenged. Putin says Bush is full of poo-poo. New York City bans N-word. Guess which of these “stupid” headlines is really real ?Morally Outraged New York City Councilman Leroy Comrie said his campaign against the use of “the N-word” has “gained strength, and it is allowing us to express our outrage.” He’s trying to get BET to stop using the “N-word” and has asked the Grammy committee not to nominate any artist who uses it.Call me an insensitive lout, but the sound of a grown adult talking about “the N-word” strikes me as being stunningly stupid. And because here in America we usually see the rapid spread of the stunningly stupid, there’s little doubt in my mind that it’s only a matter of time till we outlaw the use of any word that means anything and replace it with Kindergarten Speak.Can you imagine a word that is so terrible that saying more than the first letter has been known to cause total moral outrage by Forces for Good in the Community, riots in the streets, and a World Series pennant for the old Brooklyn Dodgers?

Nigger.

There, I’ve said “The N-word” and America still stands. Well, most of us stand anyway. TV anchor people, politicians, and other bastions of the community all duck under their desks and refuse to come out until everything but the first letter of the word goes away.

There is simply no way to explain how stupid a tv network news anchor looked the other night giving most of a quote that came up in a rather nasty story involving murder…but he couldn’t bring himself to say the perp’s actual quote. Can you imagine a grown man who mingles with presidents, kings and rock stars standing in front of a national tv audience and talking about “the N-word?” It was straight out of Dr. Seuss. Pee-pee and poop are next.

Niger is a Latin word meaning black. And that’s obviously where we originally got the name and then misspelled it. Nigger is a racist, nasty, insulting name, usually (but not always) used by racist, nasty, insulting people.

I’m one of those white guys (really kinda pink) who has Mocha friends. I don’t call them black because they’re mostly… kinda mocha colored. They’re about the color us pink people like so much we take more cancer chances than we should by sitting out in the sun for hours so we can get a “tan.”

I don’t call my friends African American because, of the two Mocha guys and one Mocha woman who are regulars at my house, only Charlene’s family had anything to do with Africa. And that was about as many generations ago as my family had anything to do with Germany. I can’t call them Colored as a differentiator either, because everybody is some kind of color. But I’m not confused about what to call my friends at all. I just call them Mark, Omar, and Charlene.

Mark is a funny, successful, Mocha colored lawyer, and a very straight up guy who sometimes calls people Nigger when they’re doing nasty, insulting or racist things…regardless of what color they are.

A long time ago, when I did a radio show from a restaurant in downtown Cincinnati, Mocha people like Mark, Omar and Charlene weren’t welcome. The restaurant only wanted pink colored people to dine there, so I wasn’t allowed to play non-pink colored artists on the show. Of course, in those days if you called somebody “Pink,” you were calling him a communist. So everybody called us “White.” Or even more amazingly, “Caucasian”…as if we all came from some mountains in Russia. Huh ?

Could we please grow up before the Morally Outraged chew up the entire English language and spit it out ?

A group of Morally Outraged librarians have recently banned an award winning children’s book called “The Power of Lucky,” because it contains the word “scrotum.” The kids call it a “ball bag.” That makes the score kids one, librarians nothing as far as I’m concerned. The Morally Outraged Restaurant Association just got a really funny commercial featuring Kevin Federline canceled because they said it was demeaning to burger flippers. A recent Snickers spot was canceled because Morally Outraged homophobic groups said it was “too gay,” and Morally Outraged homosexual groups said the same spot was “too anti gay.”

 

Heavy duty Morally Outraged forces for good in the community are determined to stop “Freedom of Choice.” Equally heavy duty Morally Outraged forces for good in the community are determined to ban the “Right to Life.” Some of the political Morally Outraged among us have us “Leftist Leaning Liberals” in the cross hairs of their National Rifle Association gun sights. Others are giving the finger to those with their fingers on the trigger and calling them “Self-Righteous Right Wing Terrorists.”

There’s a way to stop the spread of this stunningly stupid stuff. But it’s not going to happen if we keep running and hiding our pee-pees behind our poop-poop and pretending there is only one letter to the N-word. I say let’s OUT LAUGH THE OUTRAGED. Let’s start swapping watermelon jokes for white guys can’t dance jokes until we all fall down laughing so hard the beer squirts out our noses.

Any better ideas ? Please contact me at dick@dicksummer.com .

Dick’s Details Quiz: (All answers are in the current PodProgram at www.dicksummer.com )

1- What will the National Rifle Association do about the New York Terrorist Turnip?

2- What did the guy in the Night Connections cd do with his buddy’s half naked girlfriend ?

3- For what did sly, fun loving, 19th century French doctors prescribe chocolate ?

Scoring: 3 right – Comedian.

2 right – Normal.

1 right – Liberal/Conservative.

0 right – Turnip.

 

 

 

One Response to “The Dick Summer Connection – March 4, 2007”

  1. Paul says:

    I was a listner of your back when you were on 66 WNBC and WYNY. The radio was under the pillow. It’s great to still hear your voice around. Glad your doing well.–Paul Elhoff