The Dick Summer Connection – March 16, 2008


See how easy it is to get your attention? His picture was on the cover of Time magazine a little while ago. My Lady Wonder Wench usually doesn’t spend much time with Time. But when George showed up in our mail box, she instantly proved that there are more than 67 positions in which you can read a magazine…which is ok…but all at once? I keep telling her that “if you look closely you can tell that George is not in shape anymore… everything has gone so limp on him that he has to eat oysters just to snap his fingers.” I don’t think she even heard me. I told her “no matter what he looks like, some woman somewhere is tired of his b.s.” She didn’t argue with me…she just ignored me. I hate ignorance.

I don’t think you should be allowed to send pictures like that through the mail. A guy should feel safe around his mailbox…he shouldn’t have to always be looking over his shoulder to see if a picture of Clooney is going to pop out unexpectedly and make him look bad. Bill, the mail guy, is a friend of mine. I told him next time he puts a picture of Clooney in my mail box, put a copy of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue in right next to it. Let those girls sweat all over him…might make the colors on his picture run…which might make him look a little more like me.

The magazine article was written by an idiot who said in effect, “George is just a regular guy.” WRONG! I am an ordinary guy. George is the biggest movie star in the world, making more money per smile than I will ever make in my lifetime, with porno stars, super models and high priced call girls begging to have his babies.

Those high priced call girls are all over the news these days. I guess you could say they get paid for sleeping on the job. For those of us who have to get out of bed to go to work…the experts say…we should try to follow what they call our “body clocks.”

Different people have different body clocks. I’ve always been a late night guy. Wonder Wench is more of a morning person. She says the early bird gets the worm. I tell her I don’t want to eat worms. If you and your mate have different body clocks, you’ll have problems to work out. I always hated my alarm clock. When it went off, I wanted to smash it against the wall and snarl, don’t tell me what to do, buddy, and dive back under the covers. Sometimes I just turned it off and went back to sleep. That causes being- late- for- all- kinds -of- things- problems. So Wonder Wench got me an alarm clock that’s called “Clocky.” When it goes off, you have 30 seconds to turn it off. If you don’t react in time, there are two rubber wheels on the bottom and… seriously… it rolls off the night stand and scoots around the room ringing louder and louder till you catch it and turn it off…and smash it against the wall and snarl, don’t tell me what to do, buddy.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All the answers are available in the current PodCast at

1- What former rock star is now advising the government on missile defenses?

2- What new gizmo is “music to our rears”?

3- What’s “Rip van Wrinkle’s” real name?


3 right – George Clooney/Catherine Zeta Jones

2 right – Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie

1 right – Louie DePalma/Phyllis Diller

0 right – Mickey Mouse/Lassie

THE SEEMINGLY UNSOLVABLE SUMMER STUMPER HAS BEEN SOLVED! “What is it without which an airplane cannot fly, but which is of no value to the airplane?” The answer is not air, the pilot, the runway, lift, nor is it electricity. An email from Proud PodCast Participant Melissa Butler came pouring in to . It said in part, “Your clue was a bell. It made me think of the sound you get when you call a flight attendant. So maybe it’s just sound.” Bingo…as they say in church.

Every plane makes some sound in flight. Even a glider makes a sound moving through the air. So, congratulations to Melissa. I’ve asked her to pick one of the Personal Audio cds at which I’ll send to her as a prize. And if she’s ever around here, she’s invited for a sightseeing tour in my little airplane.

We’ll have another Summer Stumper next time.

One more quick point:


See how easy it is go get your attention? I really hate how the news media ground that story into the ground. The lady involved this time was mostly painted as an ignorant, publicity seeking money grubber. But I don’t think so. She’s certainly much more interesting than the politician involved, and more honest than the hypocritical media. I call her a lady because…well… listen to some quotes from one of New York’s top “Call Girls”: “Most of my clients were looking for companionship. They wanted an emotional connection with me. I’m a helpless romantic. I definitely fell in love with some of my clients. I should have done some things differently, and I’ve experienced the consequences. But I stand by my choices. I understand why I made them. And I take responsibility for them.”

Sounds like a lady to me…a lady with guts…and a lady who honestly enjoyed making a lot of money giving men some of the physical and emotional connection and satisfaction that for some reason was missing in their lives. Doesn’t sound like a sin for the lady to me. For the guy if he’s married…yeah…maybe. Marriage vows deserve respect. But hypocrisy just deserves contempt.

Which is what I have for most of the people doing the reporting. They certainly can’t seem to get far enough over the big money THEY make to treat this lady… like a lady should be treated. At least the lady gave something of value. The media just proved again how easy it is to get our attention…and their ratings. Ratings mean money.

Both the lady and the media were in it for the money. But at least the lady was honest about it.

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