The Dick Summer Connection – July 22, 2007

There are lies, damn lies, politics, advertising and religion. And they have a lot in common. Proud PodCast Participant Jim King sent me a story about a guy who was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and had sex for hours. They fell asleep, and woke up at 8PM. The guy told his girl friend to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt, while he was getting dressed. Then he put his shoes on and drove home. His wife said, “Where have you been?” He said, “I have to tell you the truth. I’m having an affair with my secretary, and we had sex all afternoon.” His wife screamed, “You lying bastard, you’ve been out playing golf again.”

Hardly anybody believes you anymore when you tell the truth. Once upon a time, I made pretty good money working on the radio. Not HowardStern-DonImus mega bucks, but good money. For some reason, people seem interested in what radio-tv salaries are like. Nobody comes out and says, “Hey, you’re that guy on the radio. How much do you make?” But you get questions like, “Where do your kids go to school?” “What kind of car do you drive?” “You’ve got an AIRPLANE ????” (The answers are: a- they went to public schools… including State colleges; b- a ten year old Oldsmobile; c- Yes. A four seat prop driven Piper.) Most of the time I just smiled when the questions got more specific than that. But sometimes I threw people a real curve. I told them the exact amount that showed up on my pay stubs. Most people thought I made much more than that; lots of people were staggered that I made that much. But NOBODY EVER BELIEVED ME, SIMPLY BECAUSE I TOLD THE TRUTH.

There was an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution the other day about a survey taken by the University of Georgia that said current anti-smoking ads don’t stop teens from smoking. It said the ads get a kind of “Don’t tell me what to do” response from the kids. A professor by the name of Paek said, “Rather than saying ‘don’t smoke,’ it’s better to say, ‘your friends are listening to this message and not smoking.’ IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER WHAT THEIR PEERS ARE ACTUALLY DOING.” In other words…”Hey…they’re kids…what do they know…lie to them.” We’ve gotten used to it. If all your E-mails were true, regardless of your sex, you’d have 44DDD breasts, an 18 inch penis, a fortune in Nigerian Oil, a Christian Mortgage, and a spare- time -work- from -home- job that pays only slightly less than what Bill Gates gets from Microsoft.

Lies are the fertilizer that makes hypocracy bloom in the spring.

Al “Sharpie” Sharpton assured us he was concerned only with expressing his “indignation and moral outrage” at the hurt Don Imus did to the girls on the Rutgers basketball team…that’s all. Political ambition? A publicity ploy? Perish the thought. But now that Don may make a come back, the first guy the news media called for a comment was…”Sharpie”… who quite generously gave his permission to the network to re-hire Don…”under the right conditions.” No doubt “Sharpie” will decide what those conditions are in due time. Wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised if the network were to make a small contribution to the “Reverend’s church” in the process.

Hitler was right about lies. He said make ‘em big enough, and tell ‘em over and over again, and after a while people will believe them. As you know, before he got into politics, Hitler studied for the priesthood. We assume he failed. One guy who passed is the present Pope. He just told a whopper. “The Catholic Church is the only true Church.” Hitler may, of course, have been “misguided.” Perhaps he was “judgment impaired” due to being toilet trained at gunpoint. The Pope, however, is infallible in matters of faith and morals, and therefore cannot make mistakes. But he sure can tell whoppers.

I don’t like lies. Haven’t told one since my divorce. It’s not just that I like confusing people with the truth…because I have a problem with the truth too… and it’s not that I think lies are sinful. They just weaken you…and …I ain’t no wuss. I lied to my first wife while I was seeing my Lady Wonder Wench. I’m not proud of it. But I am glad I stopped lying about it…the honesty felt good…it got me strong again.

I said I don’t lie, but I also have a problem with the truth. I’m almost as suspicious of someone who “always tells the absolute truth” as I am with a constant liar. Another story Proud PodCast Participant Jim King sent was about Father Norton…who woke up Sunday morning and decided he just had to go play golf. So he called his assistant and said, “Please say my mass for me today, I’m not feeling well.” Then he headed to a golf course about 40 miles away so he wouldn’t accidently meet anyone from his parish. He was all alone …after all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church. St. Peter leaned over to the Lord while they were looking down on this and said, “You’re not going to let him get away with this are you?” The Lord said, “No, of course not.” Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight toward the pin, dropping just short of it…rolled up and fell into the hole. A 420 yard hole in one. St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and said, “Why did you let him do that ?” The Lord smiled and said, “Who can he tell ?”

One guy’s truth is another guy’s propaganda. George Washington is America’s Revolutionary hero, but King George’s traitor. One guy’s religion is another guy’s cult. People who faithfully follow their religions kill people who are killing people…to enforce the fifth Commandment…Thou Shalt Not Kill.

That’s why smart Louie-Louie Generation guys and girls tend to remember what Big Louie his own bad self always says: “Truth” times “Maybe” = “Honesty.”

Honesty is the product of what you believe is the truth, a small helping of “maybe”, and if possible a certain sense of perspective, experience and humor. Honesty is good. Lies are for wusses. The truth can be catastrophic. Remember… the guys who flew the airliners on September 11, 2001 were faithfully following their religious ” truth.”

Some religion, sometime, should consider including an honest dose of “maybe.” God willing.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are available in the current PodCast at

1- What well known religious icon suffers damage when lots of people go for Acupuncture treatments?

2- What well known game started with a rule book that said, “Gentlemen only, ladies forbidden?”

3- What should you do to be sure you’ll sleep like a log ?


3 right – Honesty.

2 right – Truth.

1 right – Justice

0 right – Whoops.

This blog and the current PodCast may offend some people. Obviously that’s not my intention. But I won’t say I’m sorry, because that would be a lie. I tried to be honest with you when I was on the air, and I try to be honest with you now when you write (  )  or call…(610-793:0587)and it’s the same with the Dick Summer Connection and the Good Night PodCast.

I can’t stand politics. It’s too often built on self serving lies. “I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you.” (Right.) And I’ve come to distrust religions. They’re too often built on self serving “truths.” “This is the word of the Lord.” (Says who.)

I love my country. It has big problems. But it’s stupid to complain about problems without trying to do something to solve them. Our solutions haven’t solved our problems so far…and I hate it when we give up and dump the responsibility for solving our problems on somebody we call God, Yahweh, or Allah.

I like being honest. That means I tell you what I think is the truth…with the understanding that maybe I’m right…and maybe I’m not…but this is what I honestly believe. If you want to try to convince me I’m wrong…go ahead, I’ll listen…don’t hold your breath…but I WILL listen…and I’ll listen with as much of an open mind as I can.

Our country…and all mankind, has big problems right now. Big deal “Experts” huff and puff about them endlessly. I’m well aware that this blog and PodCast aren’t big deals. But if you don’t think little things can make a difference… let me know how well you can sleep when there’s a mosquito in the room. My Email is 




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