The Dick Summer Connection – July 15, 2007

The last few weeks have been kind of nasty. My Lady Wonder Wench hasn’t been feeling good, I’m worried for some buddies, Mark, Al and Eric, my airplane accident…lots of stuff is grinding at my grim determination to be optimistic this year. But maybe things are beginning to turn around. Maybe is a very important word. After all, maybe there really are black holes…maybe God really does care, and maybe the princess actually did kiss a frog, and that’s the reason why her mother found a guy who claimed he was a prince in the princess’s room in the morning. Maybe. I think if I were her father, I’d watch the guy pretty closely to see if he hopped around a lot and ate flies for breakfast… but… maybe.

Maybe there’s even hope for us to get over our silly hangups on sex…although according to KOMO-TV, the Mayor of Keizer, Oregon is taking heat from the Forces For Good In The Community (FFGITC) because the town installed a bunch of cement posts to protect pedestrians from cars…. but the FFGITC claim they look too much like erect penises. Evidently the only person in town with any sense of humor… (or actually any sense at all)… told the station: “My son said he wanted to hang a sign on them that says “always use protection.”

So let me see if I can get a few smiles going here with a couple of silly sex stories that maybe I couldn’t tell if I worked on the Keizer radio station. A guy steps out of his shower naked and dripping wet…says to his wife, “Hey, Honey, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?” She looks at him and says, “They’d probably say I married you for your money.” A little while later the couple is lying in bed, and the man says, “Honey, I’m going to make you the happiest woman in the world.” And she just turns to him and says, “I’m really going to miss you.” That feels a little better. Maybe just one more: Our next door neighbor Bernadette asked my Lady Wonder Wench, “What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?” Madame W. Wench didn’t miss a beat. She said, “It means you didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.”

Maybe this next story will take a little time to tell…but I think it’s worth it. It’s an honest story, told by Proud PodCast Participant “Joan P.” Last August, Joan sent me an email saying, “Dear Dick, I started seeing a very important guy in my life during the summer of 1973. I gave him a copy of your book Lovin Touch after hearing some of the stories on the radio. The stories meant a lot to me. We were both legally separated at the time. We spent several wonderful years together. But eventually he went back to his wife, and I re-married. My husband passed away in January of 2006, and his wife passed away the following March. When a mutual friend of ours mentioned that his wife had died, I hesitated, but eventually called to offer my condolences. That call opened a whole new chapter in our lives.

Two days after my call to him, he called me back. The calls between us became daily affairs, and they lasted many hours. We had roughly 25 years to catch up on. Last Monday he called to invite me to lunch during the week. Of course I said yes. Our first look at one another is one that I will hold forever in my heart. We didn’t see how the years had changed us…me now 65 and he at almost 62…it was a look of what we had both missed for all those years.

After tonight’s five hour conversation, he mentioned remembering my gift to him of your Lovin Touch book. He even said it had a red cover. I couldn’t believe he remembered. He said for almost three weeks he had been searching the house for it and couldn’t find it. I ordered your CD, but would also like to get a new copy of the book. It would mean so much to me if you could help me locate one. I would be able to write inside, ‘To our second beginning…forever.’ Can you please help me locate one ?”

(I don’t have any more copies and had to tell her so. But I did send her a copy of the Bedtime Stories CD. Joan found copies of a couple of the books on Amazon and sent me this note:) “Hi Dick, just received your copy of Bedtime Stories. Thank you so much. Dave is going to be so surprised when I give him the books and the CDs.

A couple of weeks later, Joan sent another note: “Hi Dick, I thought I would bring you up to date on my re-connection with Dave. It was beautiful…more than either one of us could have imagined. I pulled into his driveway and was greeted by his puppy ‘Char.’ Then Dave came around the corner and it was sheer joy. A hug, a warm embrace and a lingering kiss. We talked, we embraced, we giggled and laughed, and ‘lovin’ touches put us in a world of our own. We had to part and go back to our lives on Saturday, but Dave said, ‘This is just the beginning. We’ll only be apart a short time.’

Joan sent a nice Christmas card…and then this note was in today’s E-mail “in box”: “Hi Dick, wanted to give you an update. Dave and I are still together, and still very much in love. We’re coming up on the first anniversary of our new beginning. What really challenged our true love is when Dave was diagnosed with lung cancer in January. I have been with him every day since then. He has now completed his chemo and radiation, and goes for a repeat CT Scan later this week. We hope to be together, but we’ll treasure whatever time we have left.”

Maybe they’ll have a long time together. I hope they do.

I was going to say this series of Emails isn’t great literature…but maybe it is. Guess it depends on what you call great literature. It made me feel good when I was hurting for some good friends… and for myself. It’s an honest story about two people who put their lives together, tore them apart, and found each other again. It’s an honest story that found its way into the same E-mail “in box” as a ton of phony spam about penis extenders, Christian mortgages, notices of winning a Nigerian fortune, and promises of sexual splendor with un-named “beautiful young women who are feeling lonely.”

Notice I called it an honest story…not a true story. I’ve been a member of the Louie-Louie Generation long enough to be suspicious of “the Truth.” I’ve come to know and respect the word Maybe. “Big Louie his own bad self” told me…”Truth times Maybe equals Honesty.” It seems to me that big “Truths” with no room for small “Maybes” is the kind of thing that starts book burnings, witch hunts, and “Holy Wars”…to say nothing of statements like “you’re either with us or you’re against us,” “we must bring our way of life to the world,” and “Ours is the only true church.”  

So if this simple, honest story makes me feel like maybe I can stay grimly optimistic for awhile longer…maybe I can call it great literature if I want. Honestly… reading it made me feel better than I did when I read Moby Dick.


DICK’S DETAILS QUIZ – All answers are in the current PodCast at 


1- What should we call a couple of slices of bread with ham and cheese in between? (hint…sandwich isn’t the answer.)

2- Who was the first president of the United States? (hint…it wasn’t George.)

3- Who was everybody’s “Uncle Walter” in the 1960s?


3 right – Maybe you’re a genius.

2 right – Maybe you’re not.

1 right – Maybe you’d better listen again.

0 right – Maybe you shouldn’t bother.

QUESTION – If I had “Louie-Louie Generation” baseball caps made, and sold them at cost, would you be interested in sticking your head into one ? Please let me know at-

PS- I’d like to think that maybe people will forgive our terrible national and religious conceits, just as Id like to think that Joan and Dave will have many happy years together, and that the Prince really does hop around pretty well, and that he’s good at keeping the flies off the princess… and I want to think that maybe Cinderella is really still beautiful and graceful, and her prince is still strong and faithful, and maybe they’re still dancing to the same music they heard at the ball…because they’re still hearing it in their hearts…maybe even forever and ever…amen.



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