Dick Summer Connection

Hope is the only reason why Louie-Louie Generation guys all had that little round circle of rolled up latex that we called “a rubber” showing through the leather of our wallets. We also had a little sheet of well worn paper with the “official” words to the song tucked away in there. And it didn’t bother us that every set of “official” words was different.

Louie-Louie was the perfect guy dance…no complicated steps, and it gave the guys with enough ‘Tude, an excuse to get very close to a girl’s ear to sing a bunch of some pretty suggestive lines to her. It was impossible to actually understand any of the words, but everybody “knew” it was a dirty song…and because political correctness had not yet struck, guys were allowed to like dirty songs. As a matter of fact, I think many of the more popular girls liked them too.

And what would the Louie-Louie Generation be, without the semi-moral guidance of Big Louie, his own bad self. Big Louie is no guru. He’s just a guy who has his own…”ways”…and an extra helping of ‘Tude. Like most Louie-Louie Generation guys and dolls, he’s been there and screwed up…and he’s often ready to help us with some of his unique “Louie’s”…which is what we call his practical jokes and his words of sometimes practical wisdom.

For example: “If you get stuck being the designated driver for some buddies, that’s a bummer…but you can still have some fun…if, at the end of the evening, you just drop your drunk buddies off at the wrong houses.” For environmentalists, he says, “There’s nothing wrong with hugging a tree…as long as that’s as far as it goes. You may have to back off a bit if your girlfriend/boyfriend finds bark stains on your shirt collar.” And of course, for those of you who are thinking about starting a family …”Be careful you don’t have more kids than you have car windows.”

But the “Louie” I like best so far is Big L’s equation for honesty. He says, Honesty = “The Truth” plus MAYBE. I like that. Whenever somebody says, “This is the TRUTH, Dick, you’ve got to believe me”…I always think to myself…”yeah…MAYBE.” As in, “It’s perfectly obvious that the world is flat…look for yourself.” “There is only one TRUE Church.” “UFO’s…what…are you nuts?” I always add that one word…MAYBE.

Big L. also reminds us that, “If you can grab a grin you’ll probably win.” And, “Pretty often the best way to deal with a serious problem is with a silly solution.” And don’t forget… “Relationships should be between business people. Lovers should have romances.” I like Big Louie’s whole approach to your love life. “You’ve got to WORK at a romance,” he says. “Treat a romance like a full time job. If your lover decides to quit on you, he or she should give at least two weeks’ notice, there should be severance pay of some kind, and they should supply a temp who can fill the position until you can find a replacement.” Big Louie is my kind of guy.

When you can remember the ball dropping on New Year’s so often that it seems like somebody is dribbling a basket ball in your head, there’s no question that you’ve also started having trouble with your mirrors. Or maybe the lighting in your bathroom has gone bad over the years. But no matter what your excuse, there’s just no getting around the fact that if young bodies are like temples, Louie-Louie Generation bodies tend to look more like auto repair shops.

There are many outstanding exceptions, of course. Catherine Zeta Jones, for example…and Sophia Loren…and my Lady Wonder Wench.

And on the testosterone side, consider Arnold Schwartzenegger and Clint Eastwood…and Sean Connery.

But even though the rest of us Louie-Louie Generation guys and dolls may not be in that classy company, we stay positive and we always keep our hope juiced up. That’s what gives us our ‘Tude.

‘Tude is what makes Louie-Louie Generation guys the bed mates of choice for super models everywhere. It makes us charming and considerate. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that some of us also have saved a little money. On the estrogen side of the fence, Louie-Louie Generation ‘Tude is something that pretty 21 year old beauty queens are now desperately trying to learn, so they can mature into graceful and sexy Louie-Louie Generation women.

So how do you know if you’re “Louie-Louie Generation” material?

1- Are you watching the Weather Channel more than MTV? 2- If you’re a guy, do you have more food than beer in the fridge? 3- If you’re a girl, do you NOT mind that I just called you a girl instead of a woman? 4- Do you now feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s left overs? 5- In high school, did you find yourself spending a little more time in detention than most of your friends? 6- Have you ever watched a tv newscast and thought to yourself, “I don’t often pray, but if you’re really up there, please save us, Batman.”? 7- (worth double points) Do you still usually…wanna? 8- Have you started actually reading the instructions before you put together your “easy to assemble” stuff? 9- Do you now listen to Books on Tape because the top forty songs are all sounding alike? 10- Have you started buying stationary that comes with your name already printed on it?

More than four yes answers? Welcome to the group.

Dick’s Details Quiz – All answers are available in the current PodCast at www.dicksummer.com

1- Why don’t many people like kissing alligators?

2- The smell of Jasmine helps you get to sleep best. What smell helps you to get to sleep worst?

3- What percent of Americans can curl their tongues into tubes?

Scoring:

3 – Right – You’re a Louie-Louie Generation guy/doll.

2 – Right – You’re a super model/movie action hero.

1 – Right – You’re a pilot with his/her own small plane.

0 – Right – You’re an idiot who drives an SUV on an airport.

So here are a few of the things I’ve learned this past year: I’ve found out from experience that wrinkles don’t really hurt…when I cross a street, I don’t bother looking at the lights, I look at the cars, because I figured out that lights never killed anybody…and I’ve stopped over doing eating vegetables because I found myself starting to lean toward the sun.

But the BEST THING about this past year is that my Lady Wonder Wench still likes MY version of the official Louie-Louie words best. And if all goes well, she will dance close enough to me so I can sing them to her tonight.