The Dick Summer Connection – February 10, 2008

My Lady Wonder Wench and I have been out of town at my buddy Geoff’s wedding to his lady Joanne. It was just for a few days, but when we got back I felt like a butcher who backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. Geoff is about 6.8 and weighs around 360 pounds. So I call him Tinkerbell. Like a lot of big New York guys, he’s smart and noisy and pushy. But also like a lot of big New York guys…he knows how to be a real friend…when times get tough. And Geoff and I have been through some tough times together.

Geoff has promised to lose some weight and get himself into better shape for Joanne. He started going to a gym once…but I think he got kicked out for pulling a groin muscle…and knowing Geoff’s habits in those days… it probably wasn’t his own groin muscle.

Actually, like most of us, I think he simply has to change his eating habits. He claims anything you eat over the sink doesn’t have calories. One of his problems is that he does a lot of business at lunches and dinners. When you eat out a lot, you tend to pack on the pounds.

I’ve found one way to cut down when you’re at a restaurant, if you’re interested. You excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. That sign you always see in there that says “Employees must wash hands before leaving,” always does it for me. I keep hoping the head chef checks employee fingernails before he lets them go back to work. And that sign doesn’t cover all the problems I can think of, either. I mean, why don’t they say “Employees must wash hands, and for God’s sake, stop spitting in the soup.” See what I mean? It cuts your appetite.

Geoff also spends way too much time sitting at his computer. He was one of the first guys I knew to use a computer. And he really loves it. I don’t. I don’t trust them. You must never let a computer know when you’re in a hurry, because they’ll always hit you with a screen that says “No program to provide this command can be found. Please contact the computer manufacturer.” Right. In other words, get on the phone to India.

You know how I think a computer can answer in a few seconds mathematical questions that would take you a million years to work out? You know how they do that? They make the answers up. That’s all. They figure you’ll never spend a million years checking up on them.

But this wedding has been an eye opener for me. I haven’t been big on religion since I realized how fortunate it is that the church’s stand against surrogate motherhood didn’t start until AFTER Christ was born…because I like Christmas. And big church weddings can really make you wish life had a fast forward button on it.

However… not this time. I’ve seen a lot of pain in Geoff’s face… lying in a hospital with his life on the line…and when his first wife told him she’s leaving…and when he had to lay his step-dad Dutch to rest. So it was good to see him smiling at his wedding. A little nervous…but smiling… sitting in his wheel chair…all duded up in a tent-size tux.

And Joanne’s a keeper. She’s had it tough, too. But at the wedding, she was looking all wedding day pretty…a white dress with a real trail and pearls…and pretty girl things…and of course, something borrowed and something blue…smiling…and loving the big guy who gives her his big strong heart to hide in.

As I said, I’m not big on religion. But there were some lines in the service from the Song of Solomon that anybody who has been through some tough times…but still has the guts to fall in love… ought to hear. “Arise my love, my fair one, and come away; for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come.”

Dick’s Details Quiz – All the answers are in the current PodCast at  .

1- Why was the late Pope John Paul a basketball under-achiever?

2- What kind of music should buzzards record?

3- What is America’s Number One wedding song?


3 – right – Bride/Groom

2 – right – Maid of Honor/Best Man

1 – right – Parent of the Bride/Groom

0 – right – Ex Boyfriend/Girlfriend

One last Valentine’s Day reminder…Geoff and Joanne just joined some of the lucky lovers among us. It’ll be a good Valentine’s Day for them. Also for my buddy Al and his wife Vigi, and for Randy and Bernadette next door… and for my Lady Wonder Wench and me…and for a lot of other couples. But there are a lot of un-coupled good people who have to feel pretty…alone…on a day like Valentine’s Day. So why not take a minute, and a few cents…and send a Valentine’s Day card to somebody you know who is…un-coupled…this year. Just sign it “from an admirer.” It couldn’t hurt. And as it says in the “Song of Solomon”… every heart can use a little song…a little spring.

What do you think? My email address is 

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