The Dick Summer Connection – April 29,2007

This is not the first time in our history we have faced dangers like the “N word,” the “B word” and the “H word.” But we are now threatened with an assault by a new and terrible threat…THE DREADED “D” WORD. (More about this new danger at the bottom of this blog.)Civilization as we know it is tottering at the tipping point. Please be careful if you say that out loud. Forces For Good In The Community may be lurking, and they are always ready to be shocked, dismayed and offended; and if you’re caught, they may insist on punishing you by sticking your tongue into the nearest hot socket. (Now that I think about it, that might not be too bad, because the resulting hairdo might win you a place on American Idol.)

It is time for the Louie-Louie generation to put some things into perspective. Who or what is the Louie-Louie generation?… you might ask… if you have not been reading this blog or listening to our PodCast. Louie-Louie generation guys and their ladies went to soda fountains, bought gas for 13 cents a gallon, and went to double feature movies with a couple of cartoons and a newsreel thrown in. Of course, we also did the “duck and cover” drill to put our school desks between us and a thermonuclear bomb, and counted on our fingers instead of using a calculator to pass algebra 2…and there wasn’t any duct tape.Musically, we had Elvis Presley’s “Swivel Hips,” Chuck Berry’s “Duck Walk,” and a little later, the “Mop Tops” who called themselves the Beatles.And the Forces For Good (etc.) called it the “Music of the devil !” “The END OF CIVILIZATION!” said our Social Studies teachers . Of course, we also had Lawrence Welk, Liberace, and Pat Boone, who were much better, according to The Forces (etc.) And do peg pants, duck tails, mini skirts, ironing your hair, and tye dyes mean anything to you?

Times have obviously changed…and so have we. Gas is now going for $3.00/gallon and up, we have six foot wide plasma tvs hooked up to Tivos and dvds, computer dating, virtual sex, cloning, NASCAR, and cell phones with personalized ring tones. Our musical heritage is nourished by folks like the well respected Pop Singer and naked person Brittany Spears, American Idol winners, and Rappy headed ho performers like “Cam’ron”…who is a multi millionaire because he uses the “N word,” the “B word,” and the “H word.” And I think many of us look quite attractive these days with our mini skirts and support hose, unbuttoned disco shirts with a heart monitor, and in line skates with a monogrammed walker.

But some things don’t ever seem to change. We now have another round of “Music of the devil,” and “the END OF CIVILIZATION” warnings by the Forces For Good In The Community. Let me be clear… I think Rap is crap… but this round of “The end of the world is coming because of popular music” will have exactly the same effect as the last one. Zip. The Republic will stand, sex will still sell, and the Earth will continue to spin.

Forces For Good In The Community have been on hand to blame music for making us sinners for a long time. The Catholic Church actually said it’s a sin to listen to one tune because its beat “caused women to lose control of their passions.” In case that sounds like something you’d like to slip into your cd player when your girlfriend is over at your place for drinks, don’t look for anything by Tupak or Dr. Dre… pick up a copy of Ravel’s “Bolero.” If you are a thoroughly depraved wretch, you may want to pick up some tunes by a popular young composer who was accused of “corrupting the youth of an entire generation.” His name was Johann Strauss. He was guilty of popularizing the waltz.

Here’s my point: MUSIC MAKES ITS OWN NATION. And the people of any nation have a right to speak whatever language they like.

You tend to associate with people who like the same kind of music you do. My lady Wonder Wench and I were at a Dave Brubeck concert last night. Dave Brubeck is the Beethoven of jazz. He is from the pre-Louie-Louie generation. In the formal setting of a theater performance, it is customary for a performer of his age and stature to wear a tux on stage..and just as customary for the audience to be dressed nicely…not formally, but nicely. And that was the case last night. It was a big time jazz performance and a big time jazz audience…a comfortable mix of black and white faces, some jackets on the guys, not many ties, but mostly dress shirts and nice slacks, and a similar dress code for the ladies.

Comfortable is the important word here. I was talking with the couple next to me during intermission, and Wonder Wench was having a conversation with the couple behind us. Lots of smiles, a few pictures of kids shared, and invitations exchanged and accepted for an after theater snack at the restaurant down the street. We’ll never see those people again, but for a few hours last night we were citizens of the same nation…united by the music that brought us together. And it was good.

The language of that nation doesn’t include the words nigger, bitch and ho. Nobody in the theater would have been “shocked, dismayed and offended” by those words. But anyone who used them in our musical nation last night would have been speaking a foreign language and would have been immediately identified as an illegal alien.

I would be an illegal alien at a rap concert, because Nigger, bitch and ho are important words in the Rap language. I’m white, and most Rap artists are black. But race has nothing to do with it. I don’t speak the Rap nation language any more than Rap nationals speak mine. I also don’t speak Mexican or Canadian French. Big deal. I’ve been to Mexico and Canada, and I’ve been able to communicate with the people of those other countries well enough to get along quite nicely.

On the other hand, my main client’s executive secretary calls me Richard, because she can’t bring herself to use the “DREADED ‘D’ WORD”… “Dick.” I don’t know what kind of music she likes. We get along just fine. But I haven’t seen her at any of the concerts I’ve ever attended.

DICK’S DETAILS QUIZ – All answers are in the current “Good Night” PodCast at www.dicksummer.com

1- Who does Kris Kristofferson think about when he’s singing “Me and Bobby McGee?

2- What famous brand video camera can see through clothing ?

3- What did Albert Einstein do with his G string ?

Scoring:

3 right – You may speak in public.

2 right – You may speak in private.

1 right – You may speak but it will be held against you.

0 right – Meet your new neighbor, Mr. Imus.

WARNING – IF YOU ARE EASILY SHOCKED, OFFENDED, AND DISMAYED BY LANGUAGE, STOP…RIGHT…HERE.

According to Constant Dick Summer Connection Connector, ED SWEENY, in the 1700s, the king signed a law that required all ladies of the evening to be examined by doctors before being allowed to ply their trade on the King’s vessels while in port. If the ladies were found to be healthy, they were given licenses to board the vessels. The licenses were issued under the title of “Fornication Under the Consent of the King.” The licenses were called FUCKS for short.

That’s my kind of king. Even if he didn’t make the concert last night.

 

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