The Dick Summer Connection – April 22, 2007

Things are not as easy as they were when I was wearing my Coney Island lifeguard body…which was simply the height of hunk-hood. Just clipping my toe nails is a good example. It used to be a simple job. Now each toe is a three breath affair, and the thumb toe is good for at least 5…because you have to bend over all the way…like in half. Clipping toe nails is so painful for a Louie-Louie generation guy that I wouldn’t be surprised if priests started assigning it for your more enjoyable sins. I can hear it now: “You did WHAT ? How often ?? Ok. Say three rosaries, and clip your toe nails…and send the clippings to me at the rectory because I want to be sure you do your thumb toes too…that will teach you to have so much fun.”Lots of Louie-Louie Ladies are having face lifts these days. Some people think that looks dumb. But if it makes you feel better, I say go for it. Just don’t overdo it…like Joan Rivers. She is a talented and kind person, but she looks like if she sneezed, her ears would fall off. Our neighbor Allison told my Lady Wonder Wench that she’s using bee pollen on her skin to keep it looking young. That’s good. At least if she sneezes she’ll pollinate a couple of flowers.

If you can never remember your cell phone number, and you have a hard time finding your car in the parking lot after a major league ball game, or lots of your friends are saying things like “you’re looking good today”…remember the advice of pitching great Satchel Paige: “Never look back…somebody could be gaining on you.” “Satch” gave us a great example of how to deal with “Louie-Louie Hood.” He used his head, his moves, and his heart. He put his age into a perfect Louie- Louie perspective. He said “Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.”

When he was a kid, “Satch” carried suitcases at the Mobile train station. He was paid by the number of bags he moved, so he rigged a pole and some rope to carry three or four extra bags at once. His buddies thought he looked like a “walking satchel tree,” so they called him “Satch.”

He played in the “Negro Leagues” all year around. He played in the U.S. in the summer and in South America in the winter. He often pitched two full games a day in two different cities. He used to call everybody but his catcher off the field, and just strike out every batter.

The great Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in 1947. In 1948, Satch signed with the Cleveland Indians, and then with the St. Louis Browns. And he had dazzling results in both leagues. He claimed he was in his late fifties at the time, but there is good reason to believe that he was actually about ten years older.

Satch was a winner. He was also a wise man. Some of his other famous quotes that can help us Louie-Louie-ers:

“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.”

“Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man

got to be common.”

“You win a few, you lose a few. Some get rained out. But you got to dress for all of ‘em.”

And the one I like best of all: “Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.”

So here’s to the Louie-Louie Generation. We may shrink, but we’re not ever going to shrivel.

DICK’S DETAILS QUIZ – All answers are in the current PodCast at


1- What’s the connection between the Green Hornet and the Lone Ranger ?

2- What was the opening line that the flight instructor used to pick up the lady horseback rider ?

3- What kind of flashes has my Lady Wonder Wench been experiencing ?


3- right – Life Guard Body

2- right – Terminator Body

1- right – Woody Allen Body

0- right – Nobody

So what have we learned ? How about…when you realize you’re over the hill, start peddling down hill like mad so you get up enough speed to make it up over the next hill…which may be a little higher.

Would the flight instructor’s opening line work for you ? Your comments about that, and any other observations you’d like to make, go to  




One Response to “The Dick Summer Connection – April 22, 2007”

  1. Eric (you know) says:

    It’s a good thing toenails grow slower than fingernails, that’s all I can say–except, stop complaining about LWW’s “beauty flashes”. They’re manna from heaven, my man, and can be gone in a New York Minute. Also, I think the flight instructor’s pick-up line might work even better if the restaurant only has 2 customers–him and her–don’t you think?