The Dick Summer Connection – 2007 #3

It’s a bright, blustery, bangin’ around day. Too much to do, and maybe just enough time to do it. Gotta take the Christmas tree down today. I hate that. We wait till the Sunday before Christmas eve to put it up, and we take it down the weekend we get tickets for Mets Baseball Spring training games. Putting up a Christmas tree earlier than the Sunday before Christmas makes it seem like it’s just some WalMart decoration. Gotta give it more respect than that if you want the real Santa Claus to slide down your chimney with the kind of gifts that you can’t buy in the store. And waiting till we get our Spring training tickets to take it down is a good reminder that the magic gifts that the real Santa stuffs in our stockings work all year round.When you cut down a tree and put it up in your living room, you’re sacrificing of a living thing. The Pagans started that tradition on the longest night of the year hoping it would influence their gods to bring the sun back from wherever they were hiding it. The Christians said, “Boy that Yule tree is cool,” and took it over to use as the down beat to start singing Silent Night. For my lady Wonder Wench and me, our tree keeps the memories, the magic and the hopes of our lives permanent and safe. And we trust and hope it will scare away the evil spirits that might be lurking in the new year.But it’s getting crisp, and of course that’s when it’s most fragrant. Where does the fragrance go ? I honestly think it hides somewhere. Sometimes I swear a little touch of it seems to spritz out from a corner of our living room in July…a quick ho, ho, ho, in the middle of the fireworks, hot dogs, baseball and beer.I have a young friend who has a Christmas tree that opens like an umbrella, and closes just as easily. He opens it on Christmas eve and closes it the day after Christmas. The MTV generation likes to do a lot of things at once, and all of them very quickly. Everything changes, of course. That’s called growth. And change can be tough on people who like things to “stay just the way they are.”

Wonder Wench and I are members of the Louie Louie generation. In case you forgot, or you never knew, Louie Louie was a song by the Kingsmen. It was the perfect record hop song. I did a lot of record hops during my Boston radio days, and when things got boring at the dance, I’d always put on Louie Louie. Guys liked it because there were no complicated steps, and everybody knew the words were “dirty”…so they could get away with singing “dirty” words even to the “nice” girls. That was before political correctness, of course, so it was ok to like “dirty.” And I was surprised to notice that lots of the “nice” girls seemed to like it too. That was an important lesson in my own personal understanding of young women…which is a study that I have continued to this day.

Actually, it was impossible to understand the words. But that didn’t stop certain US Senators intent on keeping our attention on ” WIPING OUT GODLESS INDECENCY” so nobody would notice which sludge buckets were contributing to their campaigns. (Why isn’t that called bribery ?) Of course all the guys had a copy of the “real and official” lyrics stuffed into their wallets, along with a little round circle of rolled up latex that we called a “rubber.” Putting political correctness and other hypocrisies aside, you could also call that little round circle in our wallets a “symbol of hope.”

It doesn’t really matter how many birthday cakes you’ve enjoyed, you are a member of the Louie Louie generation if a lot of your conversation these days includes words like “prostate”, “ouch”, “vitamin E”, “stress”, “diet”, and “whhaaat did you say?” It happened so fast, didn’t it ? Just when it seemed like we were beginning to get our heads together, our fannies started causing problems. But… there is still hope.

Louie Louie people are never cynics. We’ve always got at least some little shred of hope going. Cynics don’t. Cynics don’t really care about Christmas trees, Spring training, or even carrying little circles of latex around in their wallets. That’s because cynics are always looking for a sure thing. They don’t want to take any chances. Their attitude is, “I’ve seen a lot of changes in my lifetime, and I’ve been against every single one of them.” Cynics are a bunch of chickens.

That’s why cynics are never sexy. Chickens are not sexy. I’m not talking about “slam, bam, thank you, ma’am,” I’m talking about Louie Louie lap dance sexy. No matter how suggestive sexiness is, it’s not a sure thing. Cynics call sex sloppy, dirty, dangerous, sinful, and generally a troublesome waste of time. And I agree. But I figure somebody’s got to do it, and I hope that somebody is me. See, there’s that word hope again. Hope is a good part of being sexy, and it’s also a good part of love. No hope – No love. Gotta take a chance.

Lots of people are afraid to take more chances. I saw on the news that 51% of our women are now living alone. That sucks for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is that it makes you selfish. You can’t turn your thinker off. If you don’t have anyone else around to think about, you have no choice but to spend your time thinking about yourself. Living alone can also be physically dangerous, especially for a woman. And the worst part of it is that it sucks the hope out of your life. What’s to hope for if you’re alone? A promotion at work ? Who are you inviting to the celebration ? Gonna buy a mink with the money ? Who are you going to impress ? Going on a fancy vacation ? What, alone ?

Men and women need each other. I wrote a short, lumpy piece about that a long time ago…shortly after Wonder Wench broke up with a guy she was going to marry, and she stumbled into my life. It’s called Alone and Lonely, and it’s in the current PodProgram, if you’re interested. There are exceptions, of course, and God bless them too. But for most of us, it doesn’t matter if you’re from my Louie Louie generation and you remember the Lone Ranger, black and white tv, and BB guns, or if you’re an MTV-er who has no idea what a 45 rpm record looks like, or where to put your crinoline, or what Barbie’s life was like before Ken. You need somebody. Somebody close. Somebody you can trust. Somebody to warm you up on a cold blustery night.

That’s the point of the PodProgram and the Personal Audio CDs on the web site. Nights are tough when you’re alone…for both men and women. You look around and there’s nothing there but you. At least the PodProgram and the CDs are the sound of a human voice. That’s not as good as a whole human being. But I think it’s better than nothing. Give em a listen. Maybe you’ll agree.

DICK’S DETAILS QUIZ – All answers are in the current PodProgram.

1- Why do most people avoid kissing crocodiles ?

2- What’s going to happen when the earth stops spinning ?

3- What’s the ball on top of a flagpole called ?

Scoring: 3 right – You’re full of hope. 2 right – You are quite promising. 1 right – You’ve still got a shot. None right – No Santa Claus for you.

So what have we learned ? 1- Sometimes a song doesn’t have to have real words to give hope to millions. 2- Cynics are chicken, and chickens aren’t sexy. 3- Hang on to your hope. No hope, no hope of love. Love can keep you warm. And hope is what spring is all about.

And what do you think ? Let me know.








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