The Black Hole Eating Your Life

I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair, looking at a dangerous new 32 inch wide flat screen hole in my living room…and in fact in my life…and yours. You can disappear down that hole…and boldly go…nowhere. And lots of people do. As you may have figured out, I had to replace an almost perfectly good twenty some odd year old TV set before its time. I wanted to wait till I could afford a new 3d TV, so I could watch Catherine Zeta Jones movies the way they were intended to be seen. Through slightly steamed up glasses. But my trusty old Zenith was driving me nuts with the closed captioning which it decided to turn on all by itself, and I couldn’t turn it off…without the original changer, which has long since joined the original rabbit ears in Howdy Doody Heaven. And I didn’t want to hear what most of the tv people were saying the first time around, without having to read it fifteen seconds later, in a voice recognition printout that has switched the language to the Klingon setting.

 A long time ago, when the kids were little, I always wished there were an early morning kids show called, “Let’s Go Back To Bed And Sleep A Little Longer.” It would be a puppet show like Howdy Doody. The Howdy puppet would say things like, “My it’s early.” Then he’d yawn and say “I’m still tired. Let’s all lie down and be very quiet till about 8 Am.” I think it would have been a smash hit with daddies. And daddies and mommies are where the commercial money is. But only until they hit 49 years old. Then they drop off the commercial cliff.

 There was a show that understood the value of bringing Louie-Louie Generation male viewers to kiddie shows for a while. It was called “Fun With Miss Jean.” It was a half hour with Miss Jean and a bunch of kids in the studio. They played lots of games together…many of which required Miss Jean to jump up and down a lot. The fact that Miss Jean was very obviously exceptionally very good at jumping up and down caused her show to be quite popular with daddies of all ages.   

 I do TV commercials for a living. Which means I’m one of those guys who have turned television into a pit of endless wants and needs. I only admit I do commercials to people I can trust. Most of the time when people ask what I do, I just tell them, “I’m in communications.” That statement of course communicates nothing. But I love to watch people nod as if they understand completely.

 That’s not to say I’m not grateful for what television commercials have done for me. For example, one of our daughters recently admitted that she was on a “sit at home and watch TV date” at her boyfriend’s house a number of years ago, and things were getting a little steamy, until all of a sudden a Hartford Insurance commercial, a Sony Handy-cam commercial, and a Pep Boys commercial came on…back to back…with my voice on all of them… which pretty much put an end to the proceedings. So there are some good things about doing commercials.

 It didn’t hurt that I had taken the guy aside a few weeks before, and reminded him that I was also a clinical hypnotist, and cheerfully asked how he’d feel about having a year of impotence if he put his hands on my daughter.

 I may be over possessive of my womenfolk. And I don’t care to share them, although I understand that’s a trend now with the Pimple People. My Lady Wonder Wench used to ride her horse at a stable where there were a couple of young guys whose hormones had obviously been seriously disturbed by seeing her in jodhpurs. I jokingly mentioned to them that I was working on a new aerobatic maneuver that was so precise that I could give a guy a vasectomy with a propeller. We all had a good laugh. Then the next day, I always buzzed the stable with a low fly by. That always got their attention.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

 1- What’s the only kitchen appliance that has a nick name ?

2- Why am I not having lunch today ?

3- What has Honey got to do with Caesar ?

 Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 I like to tell you about flying my plane every once in a while. It’s a little four seat prop plane, very much like most of the small planes you see at little airports. It’s about as expensive as a good car. Not a fancy car. Just a good car. But it does a lot of things for me. It takes me for visits with family in other states, it has shown me the top of a rainbow, it helps me find Christmas with my Lady Wonder Wench on our traditional Christmas Eve flight. I can boldly go almost wherever I want to go in it. And that’s a big help in making my life too big to tumble down that flat screen 32 inch hole in my living room.

 I fly for fun. So if the weather is bad, or if I’m tired, I just don’t fly. There’s a story about a woman who met a guy who was flying for a living in the Night Connections 2 Personal Audio Cd. I think he was one of those guys you hear flying a single engine plane in the middle of the night…they’re usually carrying checks, or they’re on some kind of medical mission. It’s a tough and dangerous job. The story is called Just Enough. It’s about a woman, and a pilot, and a memory that will always be frozen in time. He’ll always be the first handsome young guy who ever shared her bed. He’ll never get old. They’ll never argue. She’ll never have to wonder if he really loved her. Because just that one time, he did. The story is called, Just Enough. It’s from the Night Connections 2 personal audio cd. If you like it, you can just go back to  and download it from the Night Connections 2 icon on the home page.

 That 32 inch flat screen really can be a black hole that eats your life if you let it. So let me pass along a suggestion from Big Louie, his own bad self, The Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation. Louie says, “Be a doer, not a viewer. Stuff your life full of real everyday miracles…a friendly smile looking back at you over a couple of cups of coffee you didn’t have to make for yourself…a call you didn’t expect from an old friend you haven’t seen for a while…a bunch of green traffic lights on the way to work… picking the fastest line at the supermarket check out…a sing along with your favorite song on the radio…and finding your keys and your glasses right where you thought you left them.”

 Stuff, stuff like that into your life, and your life will get way too big for you to have to worry about falling into that 32 inch black hole, and boldly going nowhere.

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