I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room, looking at a beautiful woman who’s dozing off on the couch. My Lady Wonder Wench is fresh out of her shower. She has a towel wrapped around her head, and she’s wearing the soft blue bathrobe that matches her eyes, and her high top black leather bedroom slippers. One very shapely leg has slipped out from under her bathrobe, and it is distracting me perhaps more than is reasonable for a Louie-Louie Generation gentleman who has been with the same Louie-Louie Generation lady for a very long time. She is a beautiful, smart, sexy, sleepy lady. The Belle of all Babedom. And after all these years, looking at her sometimes still makes my eyebrows flip, my nose twitch, and my ears wiggle…to say nothing of certain other physical responses which still seem beyond my control. Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation always says, “There are two kinds of people in this world. The winners and the whiners.” The fact that she is dozing off on our couch, in our living room, where I can see her…makes me a winner in this life.
If you’ve just jumped in on this blog, I should explain about Big Louie. He’s the spiritual father of a group of us who have fond memories of the times we’ve had, and are having, with the song Louie-Louie playing in the background of our lives. Big Louie is a Sweaty Spirit. He first appeared to me in the back seat of my jalopy while I was parked one sultry summer evening with a young lady in the parking lot at Riis Park in Brooklyn…a VERY long time ago. His song was playing on the radio…and I heard his voice whispering some good advice for his boys and girls. He was saying, “Keep your fights clean and your loving dirty.” As I said, Louie is a sweaty spirit. And I think sweat is good for you. It’s good for your muscles and it’s good for your mind.
The Forces For Good In The Community don’t generally agree with me. They seem devoted to protecting the delicate American psyche from such terrors as seeing Janet Jackson’s breast, or hearing Howard Stern’s potty mouth. They think they’re winners, but they’re really whiners. Especially the suits at the FCC. Of course, FCC Commissioners are political appointees. When you break down the word politics, it helps you understand. Poly means many. Tics are small, nasty bugs that carry diseases.
If you start asking politicians about things like why we’re still at war, or why we’re still depending on the 1970s technology of our space shuttles to get into space, and in fact how come for about five years after the last shuttle goes up, we’ll have to rent seats on Russian space craft before our own new space ships even begin testing…ask questions like that, and you get answers like…“WELL, I’m glad you asked that question. We need to keep America safe. Especially for our families. And I’m going to see to it that we maintain our firm no nipples on TV policy, to protect our CHILDREN from seeing naked breasts.” Now that’s a head scratcher to me, because my mother, who was a very straight shooter, once admitted to me that I was breast fed WHILE STILL A CHILD.
But WAIT ! (As they say on 2am TV commercials for sure fire ways to get rich) The FCC is going to make us even safer. They are collecting air checks from networks which broadcast live sporting events. They will go over them carefully, and fine any broadcaster who happened to have an open mike anywhere near some drunken loud mouth fan who screams something the government decides is obscene. NOW, don’t you feel ever so much safer ? You can’t make this stuff up. It’s true.
I will never forget the day that a very young and very excited relative of mine once called my lady Wonder Wench, breathlessly shrieking at the top of her lungs, “Nana, WE WON BEST BITCH !” (Actually the kid didn’t win, her pooch did at a dog show.) But if she said that near a broadcast microphone, supposedly the FCC could now say, “Zap Mr. Broadcaster, fork over $350,000.” The far bigger problem of course is that the government gets to decide what’s off limits because it’s “obscene.” AND THEY WON’T TELL ANYBODY HOW THEY COME TO THEIR DECISIONS. Obvious question: “What’s to stop them from saying anything that’s critical of the government is also off limits?” That’s the way they do things in China, and Syria and other such freedom loving countries.
Here’s another personal head scratcher: A bitch is just a female dog. A son of a bitch is a female dog’s male offspring. What’s the big deal ? If you have a heart attack because some idiot calls you a male dog, you have a problem and it’s not a medical one. I say just growl and scratch behind your ear. And if you’re a guy, lift a leg menacingly.
Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.
1- What’s the negative about having a barrel full of monkeys around ?
2- Why may homeless people be safer than you ?
3- What should you never tell your favorite highway ?
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
Sitting here looking at my Lady Wonder Wench…just out of her shower…reminds me of one of the stories in the Night Connections Personal Audio Cd. It’s called…”The Shower Lady.”Sometimes most of the sweat in a shower doesn’t come from the hot water. Hey…remember…sweat’s good for the body and the mind. But isn’t it a fast take down when the heat…runs out…and you’re left standing in the cold. If you like “The Shower Lady,” just go back to the home page and download it from the Night Connections icon.
I don’t want to leave you with a wrong impression here. I don’t care for crude language, and I don’t use it personally except occasionally as I’m filling my car or plane with gas and I’m watching the numbers on the pump blurring past. Some people like potty mouth. On the other hand, many of The Forces For Good In The Community…feel that Armageddon lurks at the next mention of a crotch. I think…I hope…most people have real lives to live, so they just don’t really care. To each his own. As Big Louie always says, “It’s not so important that you see things the way I do, what’s important is that you keep looking.”
As far as the affect of language on kids, we taught our kids respect for the language, for other people’s sensitivities and for themselves. So none of them have come down with terminal potty mouth. In fact all the boys even survived the experience of fifth grade boys’ bathroom humor unscarred, and some of them are now even able to listen to Howard Stern without noticeable emotional or physical decay .
And don’t get me started on the nerve of many people and most politicians (I make a distinction between the two) who can’t tell the difference between pornography and eroticism. Calling a picture of a beautiful naked woman “dirty,” is really stupid, and in fact I think you could call it blasphemous. Because the last time I looked at a catechism (which I admit has been a while) it said the Lord made us IN HIS OWN IMAGE. And let me tell you, the next time I look at a beautiful naked woman (which will be very soon if I get a little lucky with that lady on the couch) I will try to remember to say, “Yes Lord. You did exactly that. And thank you very, very much.”
Yes – potty-mouth is all over the airwaves now. Some people seem to think that a movie or show is no good unless it’s flocked with four-letter-formerly-censored words, blood gushing, and stuff droozling out of someone’s mouth. Thanks but no thanks. What would the Smothers Brothers censors say to most of what people think is “cool” nowadays?
Your generation was taught by its predecessor, and your generation taught their progeny the same lessons you learned…… then came the next generation and though parents tried to teach them the lessons of decency and honor, they were taught by others that listening to parents wasn’t cool, and that authority was just trying to take away your rights. Next thing we know is that everything decent was un-cool, and things formerly nasty were popular.
While in radio, I was aware that “the FCC is listening” and that a good rule of thumb was to not say or do anything that would embarrass or upset your mother. We were conscientious to blip out certain words uttered by Firesign Theater and some of the other underground or hard rock artists so as to not bring out the wrath of the FCC who would then yank licenses.(Oops).
Not too long after that, RAP was invented and that generation thought that mixing rhyme with “bad words” was neat or cool, not realizing that the art of RAP doesn’t have to include any bad words, that it’s an art form in itself, when you think of the dynamics of that form of poetry. It takes talent to write and perform it.
What am I getting at? You don’t need to disrespect people and use censurable language to make an impact in your life. Appreciate that the human body and its functions are part of the natural course of life. Try to use the un-slang words, use a little brain power, and treat others (especially those you love) as you would like to be treated. It’s un-cool to “objectify” a person for whom you have respect and love. It’s un-cool to make a big deal out of an unintentional faux-pas. Big Louie wouldn’t —— why should you?