I’m just sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, listening to the soft, Summer, night creatures. In fact I just recorded them. They’re so…calm. And I need to calm down sometimes. Everybody does. I think I’ll have some fun with the recording too. We’ll be having some folks over for New Year’s eve again this year, and I think I’ll put the Summer night creatures sound on the stereo while Dick Clark is bouncing the ball in Times Square. I like watching my friends brains spin a little. It must tickle. Because it makes them giggle. And giggles are good for calming down.
The smart guys in the white lab coats say that these Summer night creature sounds are made by the little dude male bugs rubbing their back legs together to attract their little foxy lady bugs…much like you see at your neighborhood singles bar on a Friday night. But listen to that sound. Are you telling me that all that sound is made by some little one ounce bug ? He’d have to be one heck of a stud bug. Seems to me that to make all that noise, you’d need at least a hundred pound cricket, and excuse me, Jimminy Cricket fans, but a hundred pound cricket is just an ugly thought. My Lady Wonder Wench says that if you kill a cricket in the house, a woman will get pregnant. I killed one in the house last night. I am watching carefully to see what kind of affect that has on Lady Wonder Wench. I have suggested to her that if she wants to get pregnant, and killing the cricket doesn’t work, I know of some alternate methods.
I am not a big bug fan. They bug me. There for a while in the sixties, chocolate covered ants were all the rage. Ants disguised as chocolate bars do not tempt my palate at all. Our kids liked to collect fireflies in jars. I’m from Brooklyn. There are no fireflies in Brooklyn. That’s either because they have been over collected through the years by lots and lots of Brooklyn kids, or because very little besides cement grows in Brooklyn. When our kids started collecting fire flies in jars, they always thought they looked so pretty in there. And they did. I always resisted the temptation to tell the kids that all living creatures have to breathe, and stuffing a fire fly into a jar was going to have serious side effects on the his ability to light up our lives in the very near future. I say his ability, because I think the flies that light up are males, trying to attract females. Again…just like in the singles bars.
Why is it always the guys who have to attract the girls…except for certain odd exception guys…that we’ll just call the Clooney Crowd. Why is it that if a guy walks into a singles bar, rubs his back legs together, and asks ten women for a phone number, he’s going to strike out 9 out of ten times. If a woman walks into a singles bar and rubs her back legs together, she wouldn’t have time to ask for a phone number before 9 out of 10 guys were trying to light up her life.
That’s one of the points I’ve always tried to make with my Men Are Saints Campaign. Men Are Saints…M. A. S. The Mas appeal. Consider for a moment that singles bar experience. A singles bar can be a dangerous place with all that testosterone sloshing around. So sometimes a saintly man will see an innocent looking young lovely woman, and in order to take her out of that dangerous environment, he will ask her up to the safety of his apartment. Is he ever praised for his thoughtfulness. Nooo. Nay sayers instead almost always attribute shockingly selfish motives to his chivalrous suggestions.
Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast
1- Past what government system might Neil Armstrong have tried to sneak a chunk of green cheese ?
2- Name three items that cause the most boo-boos at home.
3- What is the space age Viagra effect ?
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
Lots of my friends have too much on their minds these days. That’s one of the reasons I like to spin their brains a little and make them giggle. Stuff falls on our heads every day. It all seems like big stuff. Boulders. Rocks…cracking your cranium. But if you spin your brain a little…get a little calm, lots of times it turns out that they’re not really rocks falling on your head…they’re more like a bunch of pebbles. Nasty…really nasty sometimes, but not fatal. There’s a story about that in the Night Connections 2 personal audio cd. It’s called Not Again.
Been there…done that. My Lady Wonder Wench has had a lot of flowers on her table…a lot of times…because I spent lots of nights like that. It’s nasty. Really nasty. But if it’s happening to you right now, I’m here to tell you it’s really not fatal. If you like the story, you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Night Connections 2 icon on the home page.
I like spinning people brains a little. Because it must tickle. And I like to see them giggle. Giggles are good. Yesterday, I opened a window, looked up at the sky and smiled. My Lady Wonder Wench said, Why did you do that? ” I told her it was, “Because that satellite might be up there snapping pictures.” That’s what she gets for paying attention when I was rubbing my back legs together at the radio station where we both worked, all those years ago.