Dick Summer Connection

Today’s podcast is about the limits of figuring things out. There’s no explaining the feeling a friend’s voice gives you when you’ve got a serious problem, and he tells you he’s got your back. Or the feeling you get watching your kid hit his first little league home run. Or finding the first dandelion of Spring in your front yard…watching a full moon shining on a light dusting of snow on a crystal clear Christmas Eve…and holding someone you’ve loved for a long time…falling asleep together…Silent Night on the stereo…warm and safe together… in front of a fragrant pine fire. I think some things are just too precious for us to figure out.

T.G.I.F, so it’s time for  Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s cluttering up your life out the other ear and you can grab a grin and win. One third of pet owners say they have talked to their pets on the telephone…maybe that’s why their psychiatrists are always complaining about getting busy signals. If the answer is a curser, what is the question? Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. The most shoplifted book in the United States is…the bible. Kind of figures. The people who steal them are the people who most need to read them. Steal a bible and God will get you. If you thought the world’s oldest profession was prostitution, shame on you. According to anthropologists, the world’s oldest profession was Witch Doctor. No word about witch dentists. The northern fur seal averages 40 to 60 mates per season…a lot like the average rock star. If the answer is a curser, the question is, “What do you call a guy who is having trouble with his computer? A curser. Your spell checker probably won’t let you write that. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

So many things to figure out between men and women. Here’s one from today’s podcast…really… I saw a guy putting a smear of testosterone under his arm on TV last night. Since when is under your arm the best place to keep your testosterone? You need a prescription for testosterone, which means it’s a controlled substance…that’s why you can’t get it without a doctor’s note. Does that mean if you’re a guy when a cop pulls you over for a traffic violation, does he say, license, insurance and doctor’s note? Testosterone keeps guys from getting headaches. Women don’t have much testosterone. So they get headaches. Which is..often…a major headache for guys who need to have sex.

We’re trying to figure things out in today’s podcast. For example, disgruntled postal employees are famous for shooting people. Are there groups of gruntled postal employees who help little old ladies open their Social Security checks? If there are water softeners, why aren’t there water hardeners? Come to think of it there is a water hardener in your refrigerator. It’s called an ice cube tray. If you spill spot remover on your dog, does he disappear? If some business are hiring, why aren’t some other business lowering? If you were never young and crazy, how will you ever become old and wise? And why am I still disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t really catch fire?And speaking of pants, how would you answer this man and woman looking in the mirror?

We’re trying to figure things out in today’s podcast. For example, have you ever had a job where you had no experience, no training, you couldn’t quit, it’s 7 days and nights a week, 24 hours a day, and people’s lives are at stake? You know what that’s like the first time you have a kid. It’s called becoming a parent. Been there done that. I’m trying to figure out now if there will come a day when I can stop being a parent. That’s hard. If your lady says, “You’re great in bed” does that mean she likes watching you sleep a lot? Please give this important podcast a listen, and help me figure these things out.

Today’s podcast is about figuring things out. Important things, like what kind of answer would you get if you really did ask your doctor if the advice you got from a TV commercial was right for you? If the system isn’t broken, does that mean it’s fixed as some political figures claim? How can we say no to negativity? And how come there aren’t many well behaved people in the history books? What would you say if you were a caterpillar that turned into a butterfly over night? Probably, “Oh my God, how am I going to get down from this tree with those big things that just grew out of my back”? Please give today’s podcast a listen, and let’s get these things figured out.

I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room, trying to figure things out for today’s podcast. Things like “Why is everybody always taking selfies these days?” Could it be that it’s because nobody else is interested? What would be a completely safe security question? How about “What is the meaning of life?” If we’re not supposed to have midnight snacks, how come a light comes on when you open the refrigerator door? Why should we want to save the planet? How about because this is where we keep all our stuff, including our lovers, our chocolate and our beer. What does the word MATH stand for? Could it be Mental Abuse To Humans? Lots of other stuff  I’m trying to figure out in today’s podcast. Give a listen and help me out please.

Thanks for your many comments on why today’s podcast seems so popular. The voting process is always interesting and complicated.

What happened when “Lawn Tractor Man” met “Piano Man”? Something happened. Today’s podcast was originally done years ago. But it was by far the most downloaded podcast of all this week, and there are 558 podcasts in all. It has a story in it about NYC Police Detective Bill McGroaraty, who was a friend of mine until the bad guys got him. And there’s a story about some chest thumping, sweat stained pride in having the fastest lawn tractor on the block. And there’s also a story about two pilots and a woman…a story that took a lot of discipline for me to write because it hits pretty close to home. But it was published years ago. How come after all this time, it ranked as the most downloaded podcast of all time. I don’t know “Whassup” but maybe you can tell me. I’d really like to know. My email is dick@dicksummer.com

Proud Podcast Person Ellen F. says: 

Of course people are going to listen to this old podcast…you are what I call …the “Godfather of Podcasting”. And I’m gonna listen to this again cause you mention cops & doctors & murder…hmmm…let’s see.. I’m a doctor…my younger brother is a cop…and he was head of missing persons in Las Vegas and was honored for solving some murder mysteries…and I’m gonna listen cause I was one of those superfans who called into your radio show when I was in high school in Queens…it is spooky that your radio show was playing at the time of this murder….doooodooodooo…sounds like the Twilight Zone to me!

Anyway…gotta luv podcasting! Keep at it!Luv Ellen

Today’s podcast is about another podcast from a couple of years ago. I honestly want to know why that years ago podcast was the most downloaded podcast of the week. Please give it a listen, and drop me a note…like Big Bill did. Bill the party guy said, ” I think this particular podcast hits all the buttons, it has sex, music, women, cops, NASCAR Jr with the Lawnmovers, love and betrayal, guilt and happiness, all things that make the world go around and around. Just my opinion !!” My Email is dick@dicksummer.com. Please give me the real news…not the fake news!