Dick Summer Connection

May 13th, 2017

Today’s podcast is called “Scratching My Head.” It’s about understanding that there are always at least two different ways of looking at things. That’s sometimes confusing. And I’m not the only one who’s confused…you are too. Try this. Put your arm out in front of you and hold up one finger…now point that finger at the corner of the room. Don’t move, just close one eye…now open that eye and close the other one. Look at that. I think you moved the room. Please put it back where it belongs so you can find it next time you need it. There are at least two ways of looking at things. You may want to remember that next time you’re arguing about politics.

Dick Summer Connection

May 12th, 2017

It’s T.G.I.F. so from today’s podcast, here’s Dick’s Details…a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s confusing you out the other ear, and you can “carry on,” as the gate attendant says at the airport. Remember there is an extra charge for your carry on. Actually you shouldn’t really carry on at an airport. Wait till you get on the plane to carry on. Don’t be like a house fly. According to the smart guys in the white lab coats, house flies prefer carrying on, including having sex, right in the middle of a room. They don’t bother sneaking into the bathroom like you do on the plane, because they have no shame. If the answer is “lettuce alone and no dressing” what is the question. Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. Those who travel internationally say that a French kiss is known as an English kiss in France. Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie Louie Generation says, “Any kiss is just pressing your lips to one end of yards and yards of entrails.” He is such a romantic. According to experts, gesturing with your hands while you speak improves your memory. According to Tony Soprano that seems especially true when speaking Italian.  If the answer is “lettuce alone and no dressing” the question is “What’s in a honeymoon salad.” Actually a little French dressing might be nice too. English dressing if you’re in France. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

A little house keeping here. If you like the podcasts on my website, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot also available at Amazon .com, or my spoken word story CDs at Dick Summer.com, please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’d be doing me a favor.

Dick Summer Connection

May 11th, 2017

Staying Happy Healthy And Hot is mostly a collection of my podcasts. It’s about how I look at life. My life and as much of yours as I can see. This cartoon is funny, and also hugely sad…because it’s true of so many people. In my book I call guys like this the “Dreary Drones.” They ignore “Big Louie’s advice: “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen, so if you have any moving parts left…MOVE EM!”

Dick Summer Connection

May 10th, 2017

If you’ve been checking out this blog, or listening to my podcasts…thanks. I really like having your company. As I told you in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, “Fun fights fear, fat and failure.” And cartoons are a favorite kind of fun to me. AND…this is the best cartoon I have ever seen. ENJOY!

Dick Summer Connection

May 9th, 2017

Podcast alert! Today’s podcast deals with the  fact that many women tend to react badly when you’ve told too many fart jokes at a party…or when you notice an extremely attractive and very silicone enhanced person slowly undulating down the street, and you mention how much fun it would be if breast implants came with little squeaky toys inside. Some days a guy just can’t win. 

Dick Summer Connection

May 8th, 2017

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. In the end it’s best to ignore almost all the endlessly depressing small print and just click “I agree.” As today’s podcast will remind you, when you sense something has gone wrong in your relationship because you notice she is throwing your clothes and all the rest of your belongings out the window, and you innocently ask “what’s wrong”, she will often say…”nothing.” So now we can understand that when a woman says “nothing” she sometimes means plenty of something.

Dick Summer Connection

May 7th, 2017

Those of us who are guys in long term relationships with someone who is overly estrogen enriched and has a high voice and confusing ways will understand today’s podcast. For example, if a woman says, “Do what you want” please consider her tone of voice. I’ve found that if a woman says, “Do what you want” in a voice that sounds like chalk scraping across a blackboard … don’t. First, just stand still. Do not even blink or take a breath. Just play dead. But if her voice sounds like you wish you could pour it on your pancakes when she says, “Do what you want”…go ahead…I won’t look

Dick Summer Connection

May 6th, 2017

A new study in today’s podcast says “27% of teens occasionally change their clothes while they’re driving.” In my day we only took our clothes off when we were parking…watching the submarine races. I had a dog all those years ago. He was my best friend till I had him neutered. He didn’t like that. Putting it into perspective, I don’t think my best buddy Al would like either it if I had him neutered. My dog was a boxer, so every time the door bell rang, he ran over to his corner and sat down. You don’t believe that do you. Would you believe I donated him to a guide dog training school? He got so angry that he became sadistic. He was a sadistic guide dog. He got fired for imitating cars screeching to a stop. He had an explosive ending. He ate two bags of un-popped corn and sat out in the sun too long.

Dick Summer Connection

May 5th, 2017

It’s T.G.I.F, which means it’s time for Dick’s Details. Dick’s Details is in the podcast every Friday. It’s a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s stealing your Louie Louie out the other ear, and you can grab a grin and win. There are 284 bathrooms in the Pentagon. That’s because there’s so much government waste. If the answer is “A slow poke” what is the question. Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. Experts say that cats watch more TV than dogs do. That’s because cats are more visual than dogs. Dogs rely more on smell. And some of the stuff on TV now sure does. The great white shark is the only shark that can hold its head up over the water to look around. If you notice one doing that near you, don’t panic unless he swims over and squirts some lemon juice on your legs. The ancient Sumerians had a Goddess of beer. My kind of people. If the answer is “A slow poke” the question is what do you get if you cross a turtle with a porcupine? I had a pet turtle once. I called her “Shelly.” She came when I called her, but very slowly. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little housekeeping here…if you like these podcasts, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot or the spoken word story CDs at DickSummer.com, please tell a couple of friends. They might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a favor.

Dick Summer Connection

May 4th, 2017

Jeanie Campbell lived next door when I was a kid. She was in kindergarten, I was in first grade. I was remembering her in today’s podcast. Jeanie was a knockout in training. I remember thinking when I stop hating girls, I’m going to stop hating Jeanie first. Some of the sounds of those days are gone, and I started missing them a lot this week. Sitting at my computer I wanted to hear the sound of a typewriter’s keys hitting paper. How about the click-whirr of a rotary dial phone…or the faintly crackling sound of  a needle on a vinal record. Too bad there aren’t any reverse order crystal balls around so we could experience those things again.