Mr. Story Man & My Lady Wonder Wench

It’s almost time for “Mr. Story Man” to arrive. He’s kind of a magic guy. He shows up here every night, dressed in a white fedora hat, wearing a bathrobe that says “Wiz” on the left side, and wearing crazy Caribbean bedroom slippers. My Lady Wonder Wench lets him help her get undressed for bed. I sometimes actually envy him while I’m just sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair. I wish I could get my Lady Wonder wench to think I’m as interesting and sexy as she admits he is when he takes her back to “Once upon a time” with his stories. He only stays for about ten minutes most nights. But those are the ten minutes just before she goes to sleep…the ten minutes before she starts to dream…about once upon a time. And she spends those ten minutes with him.

I spend a lot of my days trying to compete with Mr. Story Man. That’s one of the main reasons I wrote the stories in my new book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. I’ve got to give Mr. Story Man some competition for her attention. As Big Louie always says in the book, “Paying close attention to each other is one of the sexiest things a man and woman can do.” And they pay intense attention to each other when she lets him help her get undressed for bed.

Stories melt into your mind. They become part of the power of who you are. Stephen Speilberg is a terrific story teller. The Bible says Christ was too. Winston Churchill and Adolph Hitler used powerful stories to control their people. Power is sexy. A powerful story makes the listener’s heart pound and sweat. Just like sex. That means stories are sexy. Even ones that aren’t about sex. Check out what happens to your heart when I tell you this story from my book. It’s a true story about a clipping I found tucked away in some boxes I hadn’t opened in 20 years. It’s a small, yellowed paper clipping from a Cleveland newspaper dated July 23, 1982. It says, and I quote, “Eleven-year-old Amy Burnett of Burton Ohio placed first in the recent Rainbow Babies and Children’s Hospital art contest. She received a five-dollar gift certificate for ice cream. Her design was picked from among sixty entries received, and was printed on 74,000 greeting cards to be used to raise money for the hospital. ‘Hasn’t this been an exciting day,’ Amy murmured to her mother after the choice was announced. Amy died an hour later of cystic fibrosis, which she had suffered from since she was three.” Hasn’t this been an exciting day. How’s your heart doing?

Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-   Why will no bison ever get hired by an NBA team?

2-   What’s wiping out Minnesota pedestrians?

3-   Why should Dot be the name of Thomas Edison’s second wife?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Some stories are sexier than others. There’s a story about a guy who was famous for chasing skirts all over the world. Then one day he got to Scotland, and boy was he surprised. Not sexy. Then there’s one about a girl who always dreamed about being a stay at home mom, till one day she woke up and realized the kids would be there too. Not sexy either. Then there’s the story about a gang of tough New York kids who supplemented their allowances by selling rides to their playmates in their mother’s clothes driers. Not in the least bit sexy.

I don’t know if the story in the current podcast is sexy or not. Maybe you’ll tell me. I didn’t mean it to be sexy when I told it. But you know how stories are. It’s called the Wizard Of Was. And she really did say that to me…my Lady. “Call me…whenever you need me. It’s never too late.” I did call again. I needed her. All of her. Badly. It was very late. But she was there…waiting for me. She has never said so, but I think I called just in time…for both of us.

That story is called the Wizard of Was. It’s from the Lovin Touch Personal Audio Cd. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast, or if you want a fresh copy, just check out the lovin touch icon on the home page.

This has been one of those distance days for my Lady Wonder Wench and me. Most people have them most days I guess. She went grocery shopping, and she made a great dinner. In between she did some house cleaning, talked to our daughter Kris, and her friends Vigi and Martha on the phone, and did some needlepoint. I wrote a new commercial for my main client, packed up the lawn tractor for the season, did some repairs on the lights outside, and took out the trash. It was a distance day for my lady and me. We did stuff for each other, but not with each other. A distance day. Everybody  has them, most days. Probably even Romeo and Juliet. Maybe even you.

But important “Once upon a time” treasures get buried and lost in distance days. And we shouldn’t let once upon a times get lost like that. Once upon a time treasures like that first lean in the car window kiss all those years ago, the first morning we woke up with our heads on the same pillow, the last time we sang Silent Night with my dad…it was on his last Christmas eve.

As distance days go flying by it’s easy to forget that eternity is just a bucket full of distance days. In fact eternity is actually a barrel full of minutes. That’s why I let Mr. Story Man have his way with my Lady every night. That’s why it’s time to drag my butt out of this big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair, go and put on my white fedora hat, my crazy Caribbean bedroom slippers, and slip into the bathrobe my lady gave me with the word WIZ on the left lapel. The WIZ is short for wizard. More about that later.

Right now, after this distance day, it’s time for Mr. Story Man to appear as he does every night. He is about to spend ten…wizardly… magical minutes helping my Lady get undressed for bed. He is about to take her back to once upon a time again.

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