Looks like Louie has done it again. I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, and I just got a note from Big Louie. He said I should tell you to “If things are tough, let a smile be your umbrella, because you’re going to get soaked anyway, and grins are always good.” Big Louie is always good company. And good company is precious, I should explain that Big Louie is an important part of my book called Staying Happy Healthy And Hot (available at Amazon.com) and part of the reason for doing these blogs and podcasts is to promote the book. But that’s a long way from being the most important reason. The most important reason is that some of my friends are getting old. Now I’ve always believed that getting old has a lot to do with how you feel about things. And how you feel about things has a lot to do with the kind of company you keep…or don’t keep…and what you do…or don’t do with your life. I’ve got another birthday coming up, and like most people who’ve had more than a few of those, I’ve noticed that some of my parts that are supposed to be stiff, occasionally aren’t, which is sometimes embarrassing. And some of the things that are not supposed to be stiff ever…are. And that hurts. Big Louie’s best advice to folks like me is, “If you have any moving parts left, move ‘em.” I do. And I am. Even though sometimes I wake up in the morning and figure I must be dead, because nothing hurts. But another bit of Big Louie’s advice that I like is, “You can never tell when something wonderful is going to happen.” So as I started looking for wonderful things the idea of doing these blogs and podcasts came up. I like company. And you’re good company.
As some of you know, instead of doing honest work I’ve spent most of my adult life on the radio and doing TV commercials. That means instead of avoiding work as much as possible like most guys, I simply did what I wanted to do. One of the main reasons I wanted to be on the radio was to get girls. I did. And I kept one. I call her My Lady Wonder Wench in the book. Another reason I wanted to be on the radio was that ever since I was a kid, seriously, for some reason seeing people lonely really hurts and upsets me, and I know there are a lot of lonely people out there. Sometimes it’s long term lonely, like someone you love is gone. Sometimes it’s just an hour or so in the middle of the night when you’d like to have a friend around and there’s just nobody there. The toughest time to be lonely is in the middle of the night. So that’s when I most enjoyed being on the air. I found that my voice could actually keep people company…make people feel safe and comfortable. It was like I was almost really there with them. And sometimes I could make them laugh. It felt like my voice had an arm and a hand. An arm to put around some woman who was feeling alone and maybe a little un-safe in the middle of the night. And a hand that could give a guy who was feeling crushed a friendly punch on the shoulder while I was telling him a slightly off color joke. And I’ve found that I can still do that with these blogs and podcasts. So I guess you could say the main reason I do these blogs and podcasts is that it makes me feel good to keep you company…whether you’re lonely or not.
Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s raining on your parade out the other ear, and you can grab a quick grin.
Historians tell us that President John Quincy Adams kept a pet alligator in the White House. It seems to me that really, the pet alligator let John Quincy Adams live in the White House. If the answer is “It is illegal to display any human abnormality or freak of nature except for scientific purposes in Michigan,” what is the question? The only letter sounds you can make without using your tongue are m, p, h, f, and v. And now half of you are trying it aren’t you. And the other half are women. Other historians tell us that Hitler’s mother seriously considered aborting little Adolph, but her doctor talked her out of it. Way to go doc. Oh yes, if the answer is “It is illegal to display any human abnormality or freak of nature except for scientific purposes in Michigan,” the question is, “Why has Lady Ga Ga never performed in Detroit.” Coincidence, I think not. Don’t hit me with your rhinestone purse. Dick’s Details, they take your mind off your mind.
Being lonely sucks. Especially in the middle of the night. I was thinking about that one night when I was on the air at WNEW. It had been a long time since I had seen my Lady, but I knew she was listening. WNEW was the kind of station that let the guy on the air actually talk to the listeners like a human being. I always liked to tell storie on the air. That’s what I was doing. I didn’t know the tech had a tape running for an air check. The recording is on the current podcast. The story is called, “I Miss You.” I put it in my Bedtime Stories spoken word CD. If you like it you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy just check out the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.
That was a long time ago. When I’m off on some business trip now, I know she sleeps in my old shirt. And when I’m home, I make very sure my Lady sleeps in my old arms.
If you have been alone for a while, and you’re getting kind of old and out of touch with modern things like texting, Big Louie has a guide for what those strange letters you see on your smart phone screen mean. LOL means laugh out loud. LMDO means laughing my dentures out. BYOT means bring your own teeth. FWIW means forgot where I was. And IYHAO means is your hearing aid on. Big Louie knows. He’s good company. And remember, Big Louie always says, “The older you get the more important it is to not act your age.”
But Louie also has a few serious ideas to help you feel better if you’ve been lonely for while. For example, take maybe a half hour to do absolutely nothing. Maybe a half hour. Force yourself to just lie on the floor and look at the ceiling. Don’t try to solve any problems. Just melt. Or go someplace beautiful and let the atmosphere sink in. A church, a museum, a beautiful public building. Do something different. Go to a fortune teller, or a hypnotist, or take a flying lesson. Grab a pet, and pet. Try one of these. Can’t hurt.
Of course by now you know that how you feel about things has a lot to do with the kind of company you keep…or don’t keep…and what you do…or don’t do with your life. Some people say exercise, like jogging will help you live longer. Louie says, “I have never seen anybody smile while they’re jogging. Jogging feels awful, so you’ll just live longer feeling awful.” Louie feels that if the Lord had intended us to touch our toes, He would have put them further up. He also says, “Anybody can have a personal trainer. What we need is an impersonal trainer. You both go to the gym and he works out for you.” And speaking about physical things, why is it called “necking?” Big Louie covers questions like that in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. So let me say go buy the book. But much more importantly, let me say thank you… for reading this blog and listening to this podcast. You are excellent company.
Regarding being pleasant company: Likewise!!!!
Dick – Lo those several decades ago when you were on NEW – I seriously don’t know what I would have done without you. You helped me keep my sanity (although there are those who might take issue with that statement).
I would lie on the rug in my living room with not much light on, and listen to you. Yes, I did feel as though you were speaking just to me – and it got me through some really tough nights. So thanks, again, for those times (and these)!!!!