Is There Anybody There ?

I just got a call from my friend Charles the lawyer. He said, “I didn’t know Lady Wonder Wench could sound so ticked off.” She’s in a new tv commercial and it really took him by surprise. In the commercial, she says “Hello, is anybody there?” And she says it in her “What – is – the – matter – with – you” voice.” Which is exactly how I wanted her to sound for the commercial. She nailed it on the first take.

 Fortunately for all concerned, and especially for me, that certainly isn’t her only voice. Louie-Louie Ladies have different voices for the different things they have to do. And they have to do a lot of things. You’ve heard how quickly a Louie-Louie Lady’s voice can change…when she’s really letting you have it…she’s really laying into you with something like “and if you don’t stop leaving your dirty socks hanging on the living room lamp, I’m going to…” and zap…the phone rings…and all of a sudden, she’s saying, “Helllooo.” She goes from warp drive to reverse without stopping at neutral.

 My Lady Wonder Wench has all the usual Louie-Louie-Lady voices…the “mommie voice,” the “honey – do voice,” the “dealing with the telemarketer voice”…the, “for your own safety please stay behind the line I have drawn around my supply of chocolate” voice…all the usual voices. But she has one other voice that only I get to hear. I call it her “I’m your girlfriend voice.” It creates serious disturbances all the way from my limbic system to my viagral parts. In case you slept through brain surgery school, your limbic system is the part of the brain that pumps a guy’s pipes when someone like my Lady Wonder Wench shows up in serious girl friend mode. 

 One of the things that has always fascinated me about her is that she has so many different modes. When Lady Wonder Wench and I are alone, I am always completely out numbered. I never know exactly what to expect from her. She said that until she met me, and I rescued her from her humdrum life…that was so distressingly full of hunky young guys at ski resorts, and rich wretches with fancy cars and boats, she says she actually felt like she was no-body’s “type.”

 That’s a strange word to apply to a person. “Type.” You see it on the internet dating sites, you hear it on daytime TV talk shows, and it’s in the woman’s magazines all the time. “He’s not the marrying type.” Or, “She’s the mommy type.”

Some people seem to enjoy being somebody else’s type. It seems to me that if you try to fit into some kind of “type,” you’re just fitting in to somebody else’s idea of what you should be. Don’t do that. You’re not a “WHAT”…you’re a WHO.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All the answers are in the current podcast.

 1-      Why might there be a sudden spike in headaches for Tokyo women this weekend.

2-      What parade did the television networks censor ?

3-      Why can cholesterol medication leave you in seriously bad shapes ?

 Dick’s details. They take your mind off your mind.

 Louie-Louie Generation lads and ladies have been around for a while. We have a lot of our lives in our rear view mirrors. But we are determined to keep some twinkles in our wrinkles. We’ve learned that nobody is born smiling. Being happy is a learning process. And one thing we have learned is that you’re never too old to have fun as long as you have any moving parts left.

 If you still have some moving parts, but they seem stuck lately, it’s time to take a shot at locking and loading your Louie-Louie life. Big Louie says Step number one is…just stand up straight. We tend to slouch, when we’re feeling down. That’s one of the reasons you say…”I’m feeling down.” You ARE down. Check it out in a mirror. You’ll get a real shot of sass going for you by just standing up straight, holding your head up, racking your shoulders back…and walking like you own the place. It’s weird. People will immediately look at you differently. They’ll make room for you in a crowded place. You guys will get girls. And back around the other way. Just standing up…will make you stand out. It’s amazing. Give it a shot next time you’re feeling down. The price is right.

 There’s a lot of stuff that can weigh you down going around right now. I was thinking about that as I listened to my Lady Wonder Wench saying…”Hello is there anybody there?” Sometimes you wonder if anybody notices, or cares that you’re around. That’s the kind of thing that causes burn out…it can tie up your parts so they can’t move…if you let it. So don’t. There’s a reminder about that in the Lovin Touch personal audio cd, and in the current podcast. It’s called, You Shine.

 The point is, are we thoughtless, jobless, nasty, love starved, filthy, tasteless, sick, silly scum ? Of course we are. But that’s not all we are. There’s part of us… part of all of us…that shines. You Shine is from the Lovin Touch personal audio cd. If you like it, you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the lovin touch icon on the home page.

 You’ve got to work with what you’ve got…even if it’s not the ideal choice. As Big Louie, his own bad self always says, “It’s better to argue about money while you’re lying naked in bed than it is to argue about sex while you’re standing in line at the bank.” It’s like if life gives you lemons, you can always make furniture polish. It’s weird. It’s like you can kill people with great enthusiasm on TV, but you’ve got to dial back the enthusiasm when you kiss people on TV.

 You’ve got to work with what you’ve got. So when you hear my Lady Wonder Wench’s  TV commercial, remember that’s only her, “What-is-the-matter-with-you” voice when she’s saying, “Is there anybody there ?” That one voice does not describe what type of woman she is. She is not a type. She is a person.  She has lots of other voices. Her “mommy” voice, her “Honey do” voice, her “Dealing with the telemarketer” voice. And of course her “I’m your girlfriend voice.” BUT…unfortunately for you, although I am not the jealous husband, killer, stomp on you type…because I am also a person…not a type…but sorry folks…you’re going to have to work with what you’ve got. And you are not going to hear her “I am your girlfriend” voice.

Because, that’s what I’ve got to work with.

One Response to “Is There Anybody There ?”

  1. Sheri says:

    I listen to “You Shine” every single night…. thank you. So who is the commercial for that Lady Wonder Wench did? i think I’ve found my “girl” voice.. can’t wait to get to use my “girlfriend voice” in the near future… still working on finding the girl behind the woman I have become.. sometimes I think I take being an adult to seriously… been one way to long.. time to stop being so “grown up”…..