Dick Summer Connection

I just had to turn off the tv in order to avoid falling into a well. There is a giant well on tv, and radio, and in the supermarket… and…everywhere. We are all being sucked down into this…well. Almost every time somebody is asked a question, the first word in the answer is…”WELL.” Even the tv news people do it. “Well, what’s the weather going to be like tomorrow Al? Well…probably nice if that tornado doesn’t hit.” I’ll bet even our leaders do it. “Well, what are we going to do today Barak ? Well, let’s check out that gulf oil well.” You even hear it in hospitals where nobody is well. My buddy Bob had a serious operation recently. Fortunately it was successful. I know that because when I asked the doctor, he said, “Well, he’s going to get well.” I said “Swell.”

 I  mentioned this to you last Christmas, but I noticed a distinct surge of indifference on your part, so I just kind of dropped it. But maybe it was just due to a lot of fa la la la la going on in your life. I have to tell you, tonight, I once again welled up with anger and frustration at all four of the guests on the Keith Olberman show. They were drilling a hole in my tv screen with their wells. WE HAVE GOT TO PLUG THESE WELLS.

 People use the word well at the beginning of their answers in order to make you pay attention to what they’re saying. That may have worked a long time ago…maybe when a line of cave guys were out walking on thin ice, and the guy in front warned the guy behind him not to step there because he’d fall into a well. But get a grip folks. As an attention grabber these days, “Well” doesn’t do well.

 I am an attention sponge. Most kids have imaginary friends. I had an imaginary microphone. And I’m telling you we need a new attention grabbing word. Because there are times when you really need to get somebody’s attention fast. For example, just before I take off in my little airplane, I always told my passengers to fasten their seat belts. Sometimes the guys In the back seats ignored me. So now I tell them, “Fasten your seat belts, because sometimes the plane doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to.” That gets results. But we need to boil that whole statement down to one word if we really want to replace the word well.

 Hark is a word that suggests itself. See how that word got your attention ? Practically gave you whip lash didn’t it. I mentioned it last Christmas because I noticed what it does for the Herald Angels. Nobody would even have noticed them if it weren’t for that word “Hark.”  So, unless you have a better solution, suppose we encourage all our friends, which ever enemies we’re still talking to, and all guests on the Keith Olberman show to use the word “Hark” when they’re about to say “Well”? In fact, why not encourage Keith to do the same.

 I don’t really watch his show. I listen to it because I like the way he uses the language. He flattened me the other night when he was using a string of words to describe a politician who was caught with his hand in the wrong cookie’s jar. He went through the usual stuff… ”sleaze bucket, jerk, pervert,” etc. Then he reached back, took a deep breath and laid one on us. He added the word “mountebank.” It was the perfect word. As I’m sure you know a mountebank is not a mountain based savings and load establishment…it is a person, usually a guy…who is…a sleaze bucket, a jerk, a pervert…etc. It was the perfect final salute big bang to a fire works display of words.  

 Think how classy Rocky Balboa would have sounded if instead of saying “yo” he said, “Hark.” Hark even covers boo-boos, because it gives people whip lash. Because the herald angels said Hark, people got whiplash and didn’t notice that they rhymed “Proclaim” with “Bethlehaim.” I’ll bet if you start answering questions with the word hark, you’ll get away with all kinds of stuff. “Is that some other woman’s lipstick on your collar ?” Hark…I can explain. “Are you PMSing ?” Hark…no, I just feel like screaming.” “Why do you look so sad ? “Hark…I just got fired.” See…Hark works well.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1- Why do smart people have noisy hair ?

2- What game is the U.S. Treasury playing ?

3- Name one thing that nobody can possibly do to himself.

 Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 Sometimes you get somebody’s attention and they jump to an exactly wrong conclusion. There’s a story in the current podcast from the Night Connections 2 album that explains what I mean. See if you make a mistake, and jump to the wrong conclusion. The story is called “The Quiet Man’s Woman.” It’s in honor of a man I was privileged to call a friend. The late Billy McGroaraty…Homicide Detective…NYPD. The bad guys finally got him. We miss you Billy. If you like the story, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just down load if from the home page.

 Comon. March to a different accordion with me. Make a mark with Hark. Or, come up with a better way of plugging that world wide weary word well. If you can, drop me an email…dick at dick summer. com Of course cleverly using the word Hark instead of well is only one way to get attention. When the weather outside is frightful, if you go around dressed in your gay attire, wishing everybody fa la la la la…that will do it too. Making the mistake of taking a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time will do it…sooner or later. Of course, taking too long to change a baby will definitely get your attention. I think that’s where we got the term “a baby shower.”

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 22nd, 2010 at 8:57 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.