Dinner At The Diner

Sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather pappa chair in the living room, I have a good full feeling after a visit to our favorite diner. It was the scene tonight of one of my most memorable dining experiences.


My brother Pete and his wife Tanya went with my Lady Wonder Wench and me. It is comfortable. The food is good, and the people who work there are all genuinely friendly. And they’re careful. I mean it’s all very well for a waiter to smile at you in a very friendly way, but that’s not helpful if he’s not careful, and his teeth fall in your soup. So careful counts.


The one thing that bothers me is that there is a smoking section. I’ve always thought that allowing a smoking section in a restaurant is like allowing a peeing section in a swimming pool.


Pete and I are both pilots, and we don’t get together nearly as often as we’d like. And his wife Tanya is new to the family, so while Pete and I were talking airplanes, my Lady Wonder Wench brought her up to date on all the weird stuff with the uncles and aunts, cousins and kids. Especially Uncle Herman, who, if he were an Indian, would be caller “Runs with beer.”


Besides being a pilot, Pete is an airplane mechanic. And a very good one. I’ve never been good at that kind of thing. I don’t have the patience to always look around to find the exact wrench you need to pound in the required screw.


But Pete likes to drown his troubles in Redi whip. And I’m on the beginnings of a diet. There is no hopefulness to match the feeling of hope you have on the first few hours on a diet. Pete, on the other hand, seems to have taken a speed eating course. He has always  been a big believer in the saying that seconds count. And he told me he is celebrating National Be Bad To Your Body week by ordering ten of everything. I told him that at this rate, by Thursday of National Be Bad To Your Body week, you will be too heavy for your plane to take off, and you will uproot trees when you climb in your hammock for a nap.


Like all pilots, Pete has to take a physical every other year to continue flying. But he’s just moved, and he doesn’t know any doctors around here, so I told him about my guy. Now… if you have a brother, you’ll understand that we like to give each other a hard time. So I said, “My doctor looks a little strange in his big black cape, magic wand and pagan medalian, and just ignore his pet snake and the black candles because he’s a very careful guy. All  his tattoos are spelled correctly, and he’s very thorough. He was going to give me a prescription for blood pressure, last year, but first he wanted to know if I was allergic to anything…like mashed bat wings, crushed lizard tails, or horn toad warts. I mean hey, what are brothers for?


I like to people watch at the diner, so I always sit near the salad bar. One guy was fiddling with his cell phone and looking kind of hunted. He kept asking for more coffee, and every time the waitress brought it, he said he was waiting for a friend. I guess he was fiddling with his phone in hopes that people wouldn’t think he was just lurking. That’s happened to me. You get to the restaurant a little before the guy you’re supposed to meet for a business lunch. It feels like an eternity before he shows up. The only longer stretches of time I can think of are when you have to keep a smile on your face waiting for a camera shutter to click…or waiting for a tow truck to show up…or looking for a freeway exit when you realize you’re headed in the wrong direction.


His friend finally came in, and they did a hug I call the Full Frontal. You see that with parents, children, and good friends. It’s a real full body contact hug…a genuine squeeze, and a big smile.


The Full Frontal is much different from both the Hip Hop Hug and the Fanny Flair Hug. The Hip Hop Hug is when two guys shake hands with their right hands, and hug with their left hands, then give each other two slaps on the back. The Fanny Flair Hug, is mostly with girls or women. I think it’s to prove that there’s nothing sexual going on. Nothing touches below the shoulders. It is often accompanied by a virtual kiss. It really looks stupid.  


Dick’s Details Quiz…all the answers are in the current Podcast.

1- Who has bigger butts…happy women or unhappy women ?

2- Tell me the South African Farmer’s daughter story.

3-  What happened because a woman West Virginia woman couldn’t hold her licker ?


Dick’s details…they take your mind off your mind.


All kinds of dramas play out in a restaurant. There’s one called “The Dinner Date” in the Night Connections 2 personal audio. If you like it, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just go back to the home page, and download it from the Night Connections 2 icon.


I told you that I had an unforgettable dining experience at the diner tonight. For the first time I was able to make an absolutely perfect spaghetti ball by twirling it on my fork with a spoon behind it. I was so excited…I showed my Lady Wonder Wench, and Pete and Tanya…and I wanted to show it to the older couple at the next table. They looked like they might have been strange enough to appreciate my enthusiasm over such a triumph.  


The woman was wearing a smile that looked like she bought it from a plastic surgeon who was working from the back of a van in the Wallmart parking lot. She appeared to be wearing orthopedic boots and corrective hot pants. And the guy looked like a mad inventor in a grade b movie. I imagined that he was explaining his new invention…probably a beer glass with a magnified bottom for guys who like to watch sporting events on tv. Anyway, he was sitting there, breathing heavily… practically licking his eyelids, and rubbing his back legs together…he was very obviously trying hard to climb over her defences…I figured he was explaining how rich his new invention would make him. I guess Lady Wonder Wench was right…they probably wouldn’t have been interested in my spaghetti ball.


But when I went to pay the bill, and the hostess said “Did you enjoy your dinner ?”


I said…I had a ball.

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