Dick Summer Connection

It’s T.G.I.F, so it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of completely unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s keeping you awake at night out the other ear, and you can nod off comfortably to sleep without help from the demon Rum. (Arg!) King Henry VIII owned tennis shoes. He probably wore them to court. Speaking of courts, there is a basketball court on the top floor of the U.S. Supreme Court building. That got me to wondering if that would be the actual highest court in the land? (It’s on the top floor of the Supreme Court building.) If the answer is Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, what is the question? Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. Historians tell us that in her entire life, Spain’s Queen Isabella bathed only twice. They also tell us that King Louis IV bathed only three times. They claim Louis didn’t tell Isabella about that extra bath. Probably because she would have been just furiously jealous in case it was with some lady in waiting who was tired of waiting. You might remember that the bible says during the Last Supper, Christ liked wine. The only book in the bible that doesn’t mention wine is the book of Jonah. In this era of supposedly fake news, could it be suggested that Christ got his revenge against the tea totaling Jonah by having him swallowed by that famous whale? FAKE NEWS! If the answer is Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the question is “What has 16 legs, a bra, and whistles through the woods?” Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Hi ho, hi ho…that doesn’t always mean a drunken lady of the evening. Hi Ho. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little housekeeping here…if you like the podcasts, or my spoken word CDs  or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’d be doing me a favor. Thank you very much.

A long time ago sleep was never a problem for me. Check out today’s podcast for more about that. Sleep was my little personal friend back then. I used to tell people, “The reason your eyes water when you yawn while you’re awake is that you miss your friendly little bed, and that makes you sad.” But lately, every once in a while, my little sleep friend “un-friends me” to put it in Facebook’s terms. So now when I find myself wandering around at about 3 AM when I should be smiling lecherously at my Lady Wonder Wench in a dream I think back to those all night disc jockey nights…back many years ago..when I could see her smile even with my eyes closed. I’ve been thinking about it. And I realize now that her smile while my eyes were closed wasn’t so much a picture, as it was a feeling. But it felt like a picture. I know that’s strange. But think about it. You’ve seen my friend Jose Feliciano, or Stevie Wonder, or Ray Charles smile, even when they’ve obviously never seen anyone smile. They’re blind. So they never could have seen any one smile. I guess your face muscles are connected to something very deep inside. I think the same thing is true about your hands. That’s why I will never stop holding my Lady’s hand.

Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie Louie Generation is always on the alert to help you guys and alert you ladies. In today’s podcast, he came up with what might be the best ever pick up line ever at a singles bar. Even better than, “Your eyes are bluer than the water in my toilet bowl.” In today’s podcast, a guy goes over to a comely lady and says, “I seem to have lost my Teddy Bear. Would you like to come and sleep with me?” What girl could resist? Come on…you giggled a little. And here’s a suggestion for you ladies:

Lately, every once in a while, my little sleep friend “un-friends me” to put it in Facebook’s terms, and I find myself wandering around at about 3 AM when I should be smiling lecherously at my Lady Wonder Wench in a dream. I have a confession to make in today’s podcast. Last night, I spent some time wishing I could play The Doors, “Light My Fire” including the guitar solos so I could get at least 6 or 7 minutes of sleep. Then I remembered how hard it was to sleep during the Summer in those “before air conditioning days.” The blankets made you too warm to sleep, but without them you were vulnerable to “dream demons.” (They lived under the bed.) And an idea hit me. Demons. How about the Demon rum? I’m a one glass of beer a week kind of guy. So I figured a shot of rum might make me say “Arg” like the guys in the Johnny Depp movies… but big deal. Maybe it would also help put me to sleep. Nobody told me that some demons sneak up on you when you least expect them. So the other night when my little sleep friend was busy un-friend-ing me, I poured myself a coffee cup full of Bacardi rum. I was sitting here in my big, comfortable black leather poppa chair, reading Flying magazine, trying to get to sleep…just sipping and reading…and sipping and reading…and sipping. Finally, I figured it was time to get back to bed and try getting to sleep again. So I said to Mr. Legs, “stand up Mr. legs” But nothing happened. So I said it again…”Mr. Legs, stand up.” Again, nothing happened. So I made the mistake of putting both hands down on the arms of my big, manly black leather poppa chair, and pushing…and Mr. Room fell down all around me. Demons can be sneaky monsters. They’ll get you black and blue one way or another.

I could sleep any time I had the time back when I was doing the all night shows. Even while I was on the air. As I was explaining in today’s podcast, sometimes much to the dismay of the tech on duty at the control board at about 3AM, I even took a quickie nap while a long song like Arlo Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant” or Iron Butterfly’s “In A Gadda Da Vida” was playing. In those days…actually in those over nights…sleep was never a problem. I used to tell people that the reason you yawn and then tear up when you’re awake, is that you miss your friendly little bed, and that makes you sad.”

I’m sitting here in my big, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, recording today’s podcast …and it’s so comfortable.  Not at all like the hard chairs and harsh fluorescent lights I remember from when I was doing the all night shows at WBZ and WNEW and WNBC. There were good things and bad things about being on the air all night. One of the bad things was there weren’t many people listening, but one of the good things was that the people who were listening were really listening. It wasn’t just some kind of background noise like daytime radio tends to be. And I remember that I had my own way of dealing with problems in those days. When the little voice in my head said, “You’re going to regret saying this in the morning,” I always said it anyway. Because I figured nobody could give me a hard time in the morning if I just slept late the next day. I felt that was one way to be a  problem solver. No regrets.

Angela Update: I sent Angela an Email with the comment that she’s going to “Beat The Beast,” and this is her reply:

No question about it!!!
???????

Today’s podcast is about Angela. Please give a listen.

It’s Friday, so it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s making you crazy out the other ear, and you can go grab a grin and win. The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that one of the differences between men and women is that far more men than women are color blind. Seems to me that there are more fun ways to tell the difference between men and women. Those same smart guys say that gold fish will turn white if they are kept in a dark room. I guess they’re afraid of the dark. If the answer is “De-calfanated” what is the question? I’ll tell you in a minute. An average announcer can get about 58 words into a 30 second commercial. In the case of some drug commercials it seems like there are gusts to at least 158 words. Sound does not travel through a vacuum. But hopefully the dirt on your carpet does…travel through your vacuum…unless it’s not making any sound in which case it’s broken. If the answer is “De-calfinated” the question is what do you call a cow who has just given birth. Hey, a little bull never hurt anybody. Dick’s Details, they take your mind off your mind. Some house cleaning here: if you like these podcasts , or the spoken word story CDs at dicksummer.com or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot at amazon.com, please tell a couple of friends because they might like them too, and you’d be doing me a favor. Thank you.

I think my friend Angela is going to beat the beast. And she does too. And that goes a long way to making it happen. I was frankly amazed that so many of you sent power and prayers to help her. It’s in today’s podcast. THANK YOU.

Big time worries in today’s podcast. Angela is a friend to both my Lady Wonder Wench and to me. Here’s what my Lady Wonder Wench wrote about it:

All right, now, listen up all you Louie Louie Lasses, and get your Wonder Woman mojo working ‘cause Louie Louie Lass Angela (she of the long fingernails and exquisite back scratch fame) is in the hospital in Brooklyn. Angela is in the hospital where she used to work and the folks there intend to take very good care of her. Now some of you will remember the night on live NBC radio when Dick was doing a commercial and Angela came into the studio behind him and started one of her famous back scratches – and the Lad said something like “gazorninplatz” instead of what was actually written for the commercial. So here’s the deal, Angela: do as you’re told and follow instructions to the letter. I know it will be tough, Angela girl, but please do what they tell you to do in the hospital. And keep those fingernails ready. We want you safe at home as soon as possible.

      ANGELA