A Louie-Louie Valentine’s Day

I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room looking forward to putting my remaining moving parts, and the warmest words I can find, to work in honor of Valentines’ Day.

 Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation always says, “You’re never too old to make out as long as you have any moving parts left.” The Pimple People don’t understand that. They would pop their piercings if they had any idea of how nicely Louie-Louie Generation Lads and Ladies can still move our remaining movable parts. And they don’t know any warm and wonderful words. I have ONE word for the Pimple People. And that one word is…”Ha.”

 Louie-Louie Lads and Ladies have seen a lot of images reflected in our rear view mirrors. Sometimes they’re fun. Sometimes they’re not. But smart Louie-Louie Lads and Ladies know better than to let those reflected images reach out and grab us back into the past. That would be dumb. And we know it’s even dumber to get stuck following other people’s images of what our lives should be like. Why should we live up to other people’s expectations” It’s use it or lose it.  That’s why those of us who still have some moving parts left…move em.

 There’s a history to Valentine’s Day. Seems there was a priest named Valentinuus who lost his head courtesy of Claudius the Cruel on February 14th in the year 269 A.D. Supposedly, Father V healed his jailer’s blind daughter, then fell in love with her. He left a note for her in his cell the night before his execution. The note said, “I love you. From your Valentine.”

 My Lady Wonder Wench and I have a Valentine’s Day history too. Every year we go to dinner and a movie. There’s a restaurant we like called the Farm House. It’s a big, old, renovated farm house. It has wide, polished oak floor boards, fastened with wood pegs…big fireplaces warming every room…and filling the air with the perfume of burning pine…we have a favorite table there…usually there’s a candle on it that puts a small flame at about the level of my Lady’s eyes…it’s an elegant reminder of the old legend that says, “If a woman lets a man look directly into her eyes for two whole minutes, she’ll be his in an hour.”

 The room is full of mostly Louie-Louie ladies and lads. And they’re paying attention to each other…talking with each other about memories, plans, passions, and dreams. It’s warm, quiet, graceful talk. You don’t hear individual conversations, but you can hear the smiling, soft murmur  of  the very personal voices that are purring all around the room. It’s really the sound of aural sex…right there in the restaurant. A U R A L sex. Words. Warm, wonderful words.

 Louie-Louie lads are good at carefully slipping warm words into our lady’s erogenous zones. And Louie-Louie Ladies love wrapping themselves around the warmth. The Pimple People don’t know anything about aural erogenous zones. They don’t understand that either erogenous zones are everywhere, or they’re nowhere. They would be shocked to find that there is any…actual… life…left for people who remember Johnny Carson, hula hoops, and Louie-Louie…oh yeah…we gotta go. 

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-    What is the Lorena Bobbit syndrome ?

2-    How do the smart guys explain what humans have been doing for the past few years ?

3-    What’s the smelliest research of the decade ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Dinner and a movie…that’s the Valentine’s Day tradition with my Lady Wonder Wench and me. I told you about the dinner. The movie is an oldie but goodie. Bogart and Bergman in Casablanca. It was made more than sixty years ago. World War 2 was exploding. People were scared. Movies were in black and white. 

 Miss Ingrid Bergman was arguably the most beautiful young woman in the world at the time. Mr. Humphrey Bogart was kind of a lumpy looking guy with a funny name, big ears, and a trace of a lisp that he got when some guy gave him a fat lip in a real life fight. But Bogart knew the power of aural sex. Words. He didn’t try to impress Bergman with his money, or his fancy car, or his stud-hood. He simply lifted a glass of Champaign, looked at her very carefully, smiled, and said, “Here’s looking at you kid.” And suddenly the screen was full of her eyes. He made their story all about her. And she made him the hero of their story. The power of aural sex. Warm words.

There’s a story in the Bedtime Stories personal audio cd, and in the current podcast, about a woman who…as they say…wasn’t getting any. Aural sex. Warm words. It’s called Mr. Small Talk.

 He saw her…that pilot. He saw the…female way she walked…the changing color of her eyes…and he felt her warm…curiosity… about him. And…the touch of her hand on his back…turned his words into simple sounds…grunts…the most primitive…primal kind of Aural sex. It was an astounding example of evolution in reverse.

 Mr. Small Talk is in the Bedtime Stories personal audio CD. If you like it, you can just keep the current podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the Bedtime Stories icon on the home page.

 Valentine’s day is one of my favorite days. As Big Louie says, you’re never too old to make out as long as you have any moving  parts left. And I do.

 I like Valentine’s day. You get to tell somebody, “I love you,” or at least, “I like you.” It means baseball’s Spring Training is about to start. And it’s a day when the thought really is more important than the gift. In fact, I have found that if you can get the right kind of thought going, Louie-Louie Generation ladies like my Lady Wonder Wench generally really get into the spirit giving…so to speak. And if you are a Louie-Louie Lad like I am you will certainly put to good use the power of warm words…aural sex…and of course you will follow Big Louie’s advice having to do with any of your remaining moving parts. If you’ve got em…move em.

3 Responses to “A Louie-Louie Valentine’s Day”

  1. aliasJean Fox says:

    Dick & Lady — Happiest of Happy Valentine’s Days.

    My husband wooed me with AURAL sex too —- I know just what you mean.

  2. Sheri says:

    I’ve had the pleasure of being wooed with AURAL sex, and there is nothing like it! Unfortunately, the relationship didn’t last, but he did know how to talk to a woman! I think that is a big difference between The Pimple People, and us Louie Louie people. We know all the “right” spots… with the most important being the spot between the ears. I love the saying “I like you to much to make love to you from the neck down”… or words similar to that. To me, when a LLLad says something like that to me, I know that he wants to know just a little more about me, then just what’s going on from the neck down. The PP haven’t gotten that yet.. and sad to say.. some of them never do get it.

    I’ll be alone this Valentine’s Day.. actually I’ve never had a good Valentine’s Day… but I’m giving up hope yet.. there still is next year!

  3. Carole says:

    Always remember that the sexiest part of the body is the brain!!!
    Aural sex can be a wonderful prelude to the physical — a long, drawn-out, anticipatory exercise.
    When my husband and I were dating, we lived a 4-1/2 hour drive apart. We had many, many of those conversations.
    It made our reunions all the better!!!!