A Confusion Transfusion

I am sitting here in utter confusion. Actually, I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, black leather pappa chair in my living room…but I can’t figure this out. I call the podcast that goes with this blog, Goodnight, because I thought some folks might like a few comfortable stories and a little fun just before they go to sleep. Confusion not only reigns, it pours. Because I just looked at the computer counter for the Goodnight podcast, and what time do you think most people listen to this podcast ?  Right. 8 AM. How did you figure that out ? Maybe you’re one of the people who does that. Is it because from the perspective of midnight, 8AM is very late…and you just like to stay up very, very late. 

 Ok…if you got that right…try this one. If a guy is condemned to death, and he has a choice of three ways to go. The first is being locked in a room that’s on fire. The second way is to be tied up in a room full of guys who want to kill him. The third is to be trapped in a room full of lions that haven’t eaten in three years. What’s his best choice to maybe avoid getting killed. Ha. I got that one right. I’ll tell you the answer in a few minutes.

 How about this one: Name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday.

 Or try this one on for size: A woman shoots her husband, then holds him under water for over five minutes, and finally hangs him. Then they go out together and have a wonderful dinner. Explain that one. Go ahead. I figured it out. I’ll give you a few minutes to work on it, and I’ll tell you the answer in a few minutes. But I have no idea why anybody would want to listen to a Goodnight podcast at 8 am.

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

 1- Why will there never be a National League baseball team in Greece ?

2- Where should married people go to find hot dates ?

3- Why don’t elephants and earthquakes mix ?

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

 Confusion. I’m having a confusion contusion. I am not dumb. I know enough to never eat in restaurants where the food has fingerprints in it. I understand that the Kentucky Derby has nothing to do with Col. Sander’s hat. I understand singing in the sunshine, and crying at night. But I cannot understand how anybody would listen to a podcast called Goodnight at 8AM.

 As far as the guy looking for the best way to stay alive with a choice of the room on fire, the room full of killers or the room full of lions who haven’t eaten in 3 years, I figure the best bet would be to hang out with the lions. Because if they haven’t eaten in three years, they’d be dead.

 I understand these things. You probably figured out the three consecutive days, that aren’t Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday. Those three days would be yesterday, today and tomorrow. But why the heck are you people listening to this Goodnight podcast at 8 AM ?

 This is not just the illusion of confusion. It’s the real thing. One of the stories in the lovin touch personal audio cd is called “Who Are You.” It’s about the first time my Lady Wonder Wench walked into the room…and the paint blistered off the wall. She turned me into a one man gland without even trying. It wasn’t what she was wearing…or what she wasn’t wearing. It was…her. She wasn’t trying to be sexy, or beautiful, or…anything. She was just being herself. She was amazing…and confusing. I had to try to figure her out.

 She wasn’t trying to be sexy, or smart…she just couldn’t help herself. I knew if I didn’t get her body off my mind for just a moment, my fillings would melt. And the strangest part of all this was that it wasn’t her stretchy sweater, or her long, lovely legs…or that soft, shining light brown hair…all the…really outstanding…pretty lady things that were standing there right in front of me. It was her eyes. They turned the whole room sky blue. They were so open, and deep…she was showing me something I had never seen before. Something proud, and sure, and nakedly…female…woman was shining there. I had never seen anything like that before. It was like her eyes were saying “If you have a little love left over, I’d like to be your girlfriend.” Not just somebody’s girlfriend…she wanted to be MY girlfriend. Right away. Instantly. I felt like I was getting hit with some kind of a toe wiggling, hair mussing, warm sunshine wind…right in the middle of December.

 She didn’t stop to figure anything out. And there was plenty to figure out when we first met. She’s like that. She didn’t say a word. She just smiled. That’s who she is. She’s comfortable. She likes being…who she is.

 “Who Are You” is from the lovin touch personal audio cd. If you like it, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the icon on the home page.

 Lest I personally commit a confusion transfusion, let me give you the answer to the question about the woman who shot her husband, drowned him, then went out with him. She shot him with her camera…it was a film camera. Then she developed the film. She was a Louie-Louie Generation lady. Pimple people who take pictures with their phones wouldn’t know about that.

 So…Thanks to those of you who are proud podcast participants for listening to Good night…at any time. Even 8 Am. But…why do you do that ?

3 Responses to “A Confusion Transfusion”

  1. Carole says:

    I, for one, NEVER listen to your podcast, or read your blog before the hour of 10PM, and it’s usually closer to midnight, or sometime thereafter.
    I LIKE “Goodnight’s” premise.
    So thanks for helping me drift off to sleep, usually with a smile.

  2. sheri says:

    I’ve listened in the middle of the day… on really bad pain days when I need something to occupy my mind til the meds kick in… or when I’m really feeling down and just need a friendly voice… I also read the blog, at all times of the day, and most weeks, more than once… and I know that when the new grand baby makes his appearance sometime in May, and days turn into nights, and nights into days.. I’ll be listening.. and reading… at some very odd hours!

  3. arnold alt says:

    I have listened to this show at various times of the day, whenever I needed a break. However the best time of the day is after dark when everyone else has gone to bed.