I’m back here, sitting in my big, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, popping percuset. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, percuset is a strong medication for pain, but it has some interesting side effects. For example, popping percuset makes you FEEL sophisticated, but if you pop too much percuset, it takes away your ability to SAY sophisticated. So you’ve got to be careful.
The operation is over. I have a new knee, a sore throat from screaming with pain, and a cane to show for it. I don’t actually need my cane, but they wouldn’t let me leave the hospital without it. So I took it…and I gave it a name. I call my cane… Candy. As in Candy Cane. Because I figure life is short, so I might as well make fun of it.
The stay in the hospital was amazing. I was in there with a bunch of old people…all of whom were about my age. This was the first time I was ever in a hospital for more than a day. And it was fascinating to me how easy it is to become a patient…instead of being a Louie-Louie Generation guy like me, who is determined to come out of there prowling like a puma.
This is something to remember if you or somebody you care about goes into the hospital. One overnight stay in the hospital, and if you’re not careful… you change. You’re no longer a person…you become a patient…like every other patient in the place. Most patients are passive, selfish, and sad. And there are reasons for that. A patient is passive, because the hospital staff does everything for you. They even clean up any mess you might make because your body isn’t working very well. A patient gets selfish because he loses touch with the outside world when he’s stuck in the hospital, so the only world he can really feel is just himself. And a patient gets sad because he knows he’s now a patient, and he remembers that once…he was a person.
That’s a little heavy…but I think it’s important. Because there are a lot of us Louie-Louie Generation folks in hospitals. And a lot of us have people we love who are patients…and it helps when we know why the people we know…are so different…when they become patients.
And here’s one more heavy hit. If you’re trying to take care of someone you love, who has changed into a patient, try not to take it too personally when that person you love starts to resent you. It happens. And that figures too. After all, a patient is passive, selfish, and sad. And you’re not. And your patient remembers being a person…like you.
And while I’m at it, let me give you a few hospital fashion tips for those of us in the Louie-Louie Generation. Nose rings and bifocals don’t go together. Neither do miniskirts and support hose. Ankle bracelets look strange with corn pads, as does a belly button ring with a gall bladder surgery scar. Your walker is going to cause trouble for your in line skates…and for God’s sake, avoid wearing a thong with your depends.
Dick’s Details Quiz…all answers are in the current podcast.
1- Why did all dinosaurs walk on their toes ?
2- Where are virgins not allowed to get married ?
3- What will probably be the long term result of the fact that more money was spent last year on breast implants and viagra than on Alzheimer’s research.
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
I want to thank David Summer for doing his old man’s podcasts over the last two weeks. And let me remind you of his own website which is www.summersong.net Lots of you sent compliments on his work, and I’m very proud of him. Also I want to thank my Lady Wonder Wench for doing the blogs while I was in the hospital.
Some of you may remember that my Lady was in the hospital about a year and a half ago. So my stay in the hospital was kind of an opportunity for both of us to be a patient and both of us to be the person taking care of a patient. That’s quite an experience…both ways. My lady’s middle name is Anne. And Ann is the name of the heroine of the personal audio cd story called Love Comes When You Least Expect It. One of the chapters in the story has the hero talking to God, about his lady Anne, who’s in the hospital after a terrible accident.
This chapter is the result of the fact that I have a terrible problem trying to understand God. I guess I should just be grateful that God probably doesn’t have a problem understanding me. If you like the story, you can just keep this podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just go back to dick summer dot com, and download it from the icon on the home page.
There’s a lot more to tell you about this hospital experience, but I think I’ll leave it for next time. This has been kind of a tough day for me. I got up this morning and I put a shirt on, and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. So now… I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.
hee hee —-
Percocet pill popping patients perhaps ponder the peculiarity of procuring patience ……………………….
Get the body healed — the mind is well on its way to recovery!
Dick,
I wouldn’t be too afraid of going to the bathroom, Dave has already said he’d be glad to return if you ever needed to have anything else replaced.
Dick…
Welcome back, I remember percocet along with a few other well documented pain killers. They can and do mess with the little man that likes to run through our heads! A fine line indeed to walk, I am so glad you are on the mend! We missed you!
Bob
Here we go again. We made it through another winter and another spring is slowly sneaking up on us to say “hello.” Was it not to long ago we had the Christmas tree up in the living room,or digging out the driveway.
Could be, and a certain amount of looking over ones shoulder is good. That way we keep our memories fresh. But Spring is that promise of life reborn.
But what is being reborn? Many things. I’m sure Big Louie the chief cheese cutter could regale us with many a interesting story, as could Dick and Lady Wonder Wench. The bottom line is that we all could.
But what makes spring so important to us. Is it the fact the days grow longer, is it the fact that days become softer and warmer like hugging your puppy or your best friend? Or is it knowing that your going to recover from surgery? I would say yes to all of the above.
Winter put things in our way and dares us to get past them, and we do. Alone or with help from our loved ones and friends. As Spring approaches it lets us look back to the hurtles and we smile because we went over them not around them.
Children are brought into this world and there is hope that they will make it a little better, like we did. Looking at our next generation, they make us proud, because they’re taking on their hurtles straight on, like we did, and we puff up our chest we we say “Tats my kid.”
This is what Spring is about and new start and a passing the torch.
Dick I’m glad you got through the knee replacement . I was on synthetic morphine post surgery. I had on demand I.V. and only hit the button 6-7 times. Wow the little guy in my head was having a tea party.
Glad your feeling better and back in the chair. Lady Wonder Wench should get a special award for being a great nurse, and Louie His Big Bad Self should be made an honorary Hospital Corpsman for the help he gave Nurse Lady Wonder Wench.
Be well my friend.
Im so disapointed—that was a Rodney Dangerfield line (but admittedly it was a funny one)