I like lady sounds quick giggles little snatches of songs that help make doing the dishes a little easier body lotion being rubbed on skin. I heard my Lady Wonder Wench before I saw her. She was sitting at her desk at work, laughing with one of the other secretaries. It was a happy, graceful, breathy sound that turned up at the edges like a smile.
She was wearing plain low heel pumps, and a pleated, scotch plaid wool skirt over her long, smooth, athletic legs. She was a rather serious weekend skier. These days I think she would be called, Tight.
She had electric blue eyes and they were sparkling behind a curtain of long, soft, fragrant brown hair. I don’t remember what color sweater she was wearing, but the way she was wearing it was probably why those things are called sweat-ers. The way she was wearing her sweater was making every guy in her zip code sweat pretty good.
I like all kinds of lady sounds long fingernails clicking as they’re giving you a back rub silk sliding over curves high heels clicking on a hardwood floor and there was something about the happy way she laughed that made me want to hear her do it again. So I told her my number one, quick chicken story. I think it’s funny even though lots of people don’t get it. She did.
She cocked her head to the right, gave me a little lopsided smile, and a long, slow, warm laugh that seemed to bubble up from somewhere deep down inside that sweater.
It was a long time ago, and I don’t remember what happened next, except that for some reason my ears got warm, and my eyebrows started to wiggle. And after all these years, that sometimes still happens.
The experts say men are attracted to beautiful young women like Lady Wonder Wench, because we want to pass our genes on to the next generation. The experts are idiots. Think about what the word ex-pert means. It’s a combination of the word ex, which means something that used to be and isn’t any more and the word spurt which means a small squirt of something or other. So an expert is an ex little squirt. Big deal little squirts !
Standing there listening to my Lady Wonder Wench laugh, I couldn’t have cared less about genes and the next generation. I was way too busy plotting what I was going to do right that moment and possibly that night. The hell with my genes. And frankly, her jeans too if I got lucky which I didn’t. Not that first night.
Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.
1- How can you tell if you’re rich by looking at a bar of soap?
2- What’s with taking vodka into a shower?
3- Why should you shorten your shower by one minute?
Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
I met My Lady Wonder Wench at work, so I didn’t have to go through that ugly opening line routine. I’m not good at those. Some guys come up with some pretty amazing stuff. Like, “Hi I’m wealthy and I need your help. My mother says if I don’t get a date for this weekend, she’s putting me up for adoption. Another friend of mine tried. Would you be so kind as to come home with me and help me dust off my Olympic medals ? My buddy Mike actually went with one that might be the El Mondo Grosso of opening lines. He said, Hi, my name is Mike you may recognize me from my x rated movies.
There’s a story in the Lovin Touch Personal Audio cd that was originally written about the time I met My Lady Monder Wench. And I might have used it as an opening line if I need one. It’s called Got A Minute ?
In my life there are maybe ten minutes that are absolutely burned into my memory. The day the World Trade Towers came down the day I walked our daughter Kris down the aisle . That first time I heard My Lady laugh is one of them.
How about some of the minutes that are important in your life ? I’d love to hear from you. Dick@DickSummer.com
Got a minute is from the personal audio cd called Lovin Touch. If you like it, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just download it from the bedtime stories icon on the opening page.
Every once in a while I get an invitation from someone to become a facebook friend. I’ve always said no so far at least. I don’t like being told that the only way I can be a friend is by joining facebook. I have other ways of communicating. I have a phone, I have email, I even have a car and I can go visit a friend. Speedy is my car’s name.
It’s a very small car, but it gets me where I need to go. It looks like those cars you sometime see outside a supermarket that go up and down when you put a quarter in. Speedy would be kind of cramped if you were going necking with a date. And by the way who ever decided to call that NECKING was completely mis-informed. Speedy is not a sexy ride.
But then, put that into a positive perspective with the words of Big Louie his own bad self the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie generation who said Children are nature’s way of tossing buckets of ice water on half naked women in the back seat of automobiles at midnight. Not a problem with Speedy.
Oh yeah that chicken joke I told My Lady Wonder Wench all those years ago when I wanted to hear her laugh again goes like this: “In the revolutionary war days, American farmers raised a new kind of chicken and trained it to catch British sympathizers. That’s where we got chicken catch a tory.
Not exactly a threat to Jay Leno. But no matter how often I tell it, she cocks her head to the right, gives me a little lopsided smile, and that long, slow, warm laugh just bubbles up from somewhere deep down inside her sweater. And my ears still get warm, and my eyebrows start to wiggle. And for quite a while now, my luck has gotten a lot better.