I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, and I’m a whole lot better than I was last week when even with my most manly manipulation, I couldn’t open a jar, and my Lady Wonder Wench did it. She said she wiggled it. The jar lid I mean. 

That obviously cut manly me to the quick. But when I mentioned it to you, most of you were very supportive. You made me feel better. A couple of days ago I stopped whining, and by this morning my tears had pretty much dried up. So I feel manly again. Ready to use a chain saw again…fly my airplane…use the tv channel changer. Ready to fight the biggest challenge men face today, excess humility. 

You women have no idea of the insecurities we men face every day. What do you think we do in our private moments, in our private places…like the bathroom. Sure, we tell you we’re shaving. But we sometimes feel so excessiely humble and insecure that what we’re really doing is standing on the sink to see if our legs are too thin…using styling gel on our chest hair…breathing against the wall to check how our breath smells. Excess humility. That’s why I started the Men Are Saints campaign. I explained it in my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. Turn to page 93 and read along with me. You do have a copy don’t you. Here we go: 

It was on Thanksgiving night a lot of years ago that I started the “Men Are Saints” campaign on WNBC Radio. I called it the M. A. S. appeal—Men Are Saints. The idea came from remembering a special Thanksgiving while I was watching my Lady Wonder Wench and our daughter Kris, our daughter-in law Brenda, and our sister-in-law Beth scurrying around preparing dinner, while our Tall-Guy son Eric, my brother John and I were otherwise occupied, and I was struck with an actual thought. I realized that we men are seldom given credit for our sensitivity, our intelligence, and our selfless behavior. For example, here in the Northeast, Thanksgiving is usually celebrated on a cold day. So where do we men traditionally encourage our women to spend the day? Right. In the warmest room in the house—the kitchen. While we, on the other hand, in a manly display of selfless courage, throw ourselves in front of the TV screen to protect our loved ones from the terrible effects of the cathode rays that squirt out of the picture tube. And how much credit do we men get for that traditional selfsacrifice?

Right. None.

 And think about this: How often have you seen a relatively innocent Louie Louie Generation guy at a raunchy bar go over to a woman he has never even met and invite her to the safety and comfort of his very own apartment to get her out of that dangerous environment? And what reward do we get? Right again. None. But we soldier on as we always have, even in the face of this shameful lack of appreciation. That’s the basis for the M.A.S. appeal. As you can imagine, the M.A.S. appeal is frequently not well received by certain people with more evolved levels of social sensitivity and mostly higher voices. 

Most of you were supportive of me, and I thank you for that. Of course, there’s always the usual crabby note. This came from a proud (although mis-guided) podcast participant named Marcia. She said, “Dear Dick Summer, the biggest thing on my man’s mind is not losing his excess humility. I’ve timed my man’s mind, and once every ten seconds he thinks about sex. That’s hardly saintly.”

 Ah Marcia, what you don’t understand is that it has taken millions of years of evolution to take a man’s mind off sex for those ten seconds. You may have noticed that even little boys in kindergarten are many times seen hanging around in the school yard with candy in their pockets trying to figure out which ones are the girls. It has always amazed me that with all the trials and frustrations we must endure, how we have enough strength left to grow to more than about 4’ 3” with the constant effort we must make to keep our natural drives in check. 

Guys are simple. Women are mysterious. Fortunately, Louie Louie Generation guys have the wisdom of Big Louie to guide us. Louie says, “The best way to know when you have touched your woman in all the right places and in just the right way is when she does six things all at once. Smiles, purrs, writhes, falls back in love with you, figures out the true meaning of life, and says wow.”

 Dick’s Details Quiz. All answers are in the current podcast.

1-   How did I know that neither Senator McCain nor Senator Obama was going to steal my wallet during the 2008 election?

2-   If Propa Ganda is the answer, what’s the question? 3-   What’s the biggest thing Big Louie has noticed about the Supreme Court ? 

Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. 

Big Louie says men must be careful of the effects of exceptional love making if you’re not used to it. He says after the third bout of lovemaking within two hours, you may find it difficult to bend over and touch your partner’s toes. After the fourth bout, you may forget your zip code, And any more than four times on an especially steamy or icy night, you and your partner could hydroplane into another room…or in an extreme case into the house next door 

Of course, not all guys suffer from excess humility. Big Louie told me that one guy he knows is so sure of himself that he keeps a bowl of life savers on his bedside table to ease a woman’s sore throat caused by her shouting prayers to the Lord during lovemaking. 

And…some guys just say it with flowers. And that worked for the guy in the story in this week’ podcast. It’s about a Louie Louie Lady who decided to help the kid behind a fast food counter get over some of his excess humility, as only a Louie Louie Lady can. So she walked right into his life…like the heroine in her romance novel. She says she “doesn’t know if it will last. But for now…it is very good.” 

The story is called A Single Rose. It’s from the Night Connections Personal Audio CD. If you like it you can just keep the current podcast, or if you want a fresh copy check out the Night Connections icon on the home page.

 Excess humility. Terrible. The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that for some guys, making the first move in a romance actually burns off 35 calories. If a guy is very shy, that could shoot up there to around 235 calories or more very easily. And it doesn’t make life any easier when you push a girl’s door bell and it plays I Love A Parade. But no matter how pretty, and popular she is, Big Louie says, “No more excess humility, guys. Never tell her she is too good for you. Let it come as a surprise.”



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