I’m sitting here scratching my head…and trying to figure out… how come every nation in the world can have a financial crisis all at the same time. I mean…what happened to all the money ? When you find yourself scratching your head over stuff like that, it’s time for a vacation.

 

I have a globe…you know…a map of the world on a ball, that turns so you can see all those countries that don’t have any money any more. Some of them, like Australia, are hanging down there hoping they don’t fall off. I have found myself wondering…if I held my canary up over my globe of the world, would the bird start thinking…oh my God, I’m way too high…it’s time for a vacation.

 

I volunteered to be the designated driver for a bunch of buddies who were going to a party last week. They all had a wonderful time…but they got really drunk…and I had a hard time resisting the urge to drop them off at 2am but at the wrong houses…it’s time for a vacation.

 

When you see a light at the end of a tunnel, and your only thought is, “God, I hope that’s the bathroom”…you’re either getting old, or it’s time for a vacation.

 

Growing old sneaks up on you an inch at a time. You start reading instruction manuals instead of just putting stuff together…you start listening to books on tape because all the songs on the top 40 all sound the same…you order stationary that has your name printed on it…you don’t go to day baseball games because you can’t take all that sun…and you realize it has been a long time…a very long time…since you actually played  a baseball game.

 

When you look in the bathroom mirror and you realize that anything that isn’t sticking out is hanging down…right. It’s time for a vacation.

 

I’ll bet you get the idea of where this is going. It is going on vacation. And so am I. The biggest problem with a vacation is you never have enough time to do all the nothing you want to do.

 

My Lady Wonder Wench and I haven’t really taken many vacations. That’s the way it is when there are lots of kids, lots of concerns, and lots of getting fired because you’re in the broadcasting business.

 

We’ll be staying in a hotel right next to a seafood restaurant again this time, because both my Lady Wonder Wench and I plan on doing away with a good percentage of this year’s lobster catch. I’ve often thought about how we began eating lobsters. I mean picture some cave guy…maybe one of those guys who were doing those tv commercials a while ago…anyhow…Mr. Ogg the Cave Guy comes home after a day of fishing at the beach, and he tosses a lobster down on the cave floor and says to Mrs. Og, “here cook this tonight.” Look…he’s lucky she didn’t say, “What are you nuts ? Get out of here with that thing and come back when you’ve evolved a little more.”

 

Have you ever really looked at a lobster? They have some of Howard Stern’s dna. They have lots more legs than they need, and eyeballs shooting out in all directions…and huge feelers that are always flipping around…they look like the really big ones could pose a threat to a nuclear submarine. You would never pet a lobster. And I’m convinced that it wouldn’t come if you said, “Here boy.”

 

Dick’s Details Quiz…all the answers are in the current Podcast at www.dicksummer.com

 

1-    What was it that started the “Lorena Bobbitt Movement ?”

2-    What effect does a bed partner have on the average man?

3-    What causes sheep to snore ?

 

 

Lobbsters aren’t the only thing you can find when you go down to the ocean. There’s a story in the Night Connections 2 personal audio cd about a guy who found a lot more than he was expecting down at a beach. The story is called The Head Hunter’s Woman.

 

If you like it, you can just keep the podcast. Or if you want a fresh copy, just go back to the home page, and download it from the Night Connections 2 icon.

 

We’re going away on vacation tomorrow. And you know how sometimes a song starts playing in your head over and over and over again…and you tell it to stop…and it won’t. Lots of time when you think about it, either the name of the song, or one of the important lines in it has to do with something that’s really been on your mind. That happened to me tonight when I was thinking about going on vacation with my Lady Wonder Wench.

 

It’s been a tough year. She had a terrible accident this year…and she’s been worried about a couple of the kids…and I’m threatening to retire at the end of the year…can you imagine if she has to put up with having me around all the time…anyway…it’s been a nasty year for her. So I guess it’s appropriate that the tune that’s been going around in my head for the last couple of hours, is an old song…and it’s an appropriate old song for a couple of Louie-Louie Generations lovers like us. It’s called…”There’s A Time For Us.”

2 Responses to “”

  1. aliasJean Fox says:

    Have some lobster in garlic butter for me, and some broiled stuffed haddock if you’re so inclined. I miss that stuff — it’s scarce out here and it’s never as good as good ol’ New England makes it!
    Just come back safely and in one piece! Please!!

  2. Q: What causes sheep to snore ?

    A: Shear boredom… or shear exhastion.