Many people must resort to auto back scratching when it has been too long between bouts of social or romantic back scratching. Today’s podcast admits that in some very traditional neighborhoods, auto back scratching is looked on…fondly…as at least semi-sinful.
I’ve found that my voice makes interesting and some would say sexy sounds during a back scratch…which, on occasion in the past, has lead me to having even more enjoyable activities. And of course today’s podcast says there’s the time honored old saying, “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours—now let’s fall in love. Or at least in lust.”
Given the choice between a million dollars and having a world class back scratch administered by a lady bearing a close resemblance to Catherine Zeta Jones, would be tough choice. Today’s podcast reminds us there’s are no income taxes on back scratches.
The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that you can’t taste food unless it’s mixed with saliva. Today’s podcast says hopefully it will be your own saliva…or the saliva of someone who bears a reasonable resemblance to Catherine Zeta Jones.
Brooklyn guys get a bad rap. We’re guys. Today’s podcast says It’s not our fault that we’re wired the way we are. A Brooklyn guy sees a lady with an hourglass figure and immediatly…pow…he gets hit with an instinct to go play in the hourglass sand.
Today’s podcast is about the reaction I get when I wear my Brooklyn shirt. I can see it when I walk down the street. People flick their eyes down at my chest to read the word “Brooklyn.” Of course some people think a Brooklyn shirt should look more like this:
My Lady Wonder Wench and I recently walked into an Applebees bar and grill, and there was a young guy sucking on a bottle in the corner. My Lady was wearing her pretty, soft blue sweater…the…form fitting one that matches her eyes. The young guy saw her. He tossed the bottle away and reached for her…sweater. Today’s podcast says something instinctive must have kicked off in his probably 6 months old brain…or maybe some other bodily part…I don’t know for sure.
I just hung my Brooklyn jacket up in the closet. It’s a nice blue jacket with the word Brooklyn written across the chest in script…because that’s the way the old Brooklyn Dodgers did it in their logos. And I am an old Brooklyn Dodger fan now living in what’s called The Red Sox Nation…Massachusetts. Today’s podcast admits that jacket has taught me a lesson most guys never get. Every time I wear it, people look down at my chest. Almost no other guy can make that statement. You can see it happen. Shifty eyes approach from down the block. Almost always they flick down to check out my chest… because of the word Brooklyn that’s written there in script. It’s a very strange experience for a guy. I realize women have the same experience all the time. For sometimes very obvious reasons.
It’s certainly appropriate to have a day in honor of mothers. But how about step-mothers? Disney movies don’t do them much justice. And how about mistresses? Here’s part of the last chapter of my book, Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. It’s called “Smudge”:
“I’ll never step on the moon like Neil Armstrong. I’ll never win a triathlon. My big audience network radio days are behind me. I’ll never make a big mark on life. But maybe I can make a small smudge. In one of my lovin touch books, I said, “Look at life one person at a time.” I think Big Louie would approve of that statement. It’s got Louie Louie Generation ‘Tude.” And it takes guts, because it bucks the system. So I’d appreciate it if you’d help me make a small smudge in life here.
The next time you hear about a woman who is somebody’s mistress, before you jump to any quick conclusions, take a good, hard look at the lives of each of the people involved, one at a time.
My Lady Wonder Wench has been around horses all her life. She knows a couple of wives who stay with their husbands simply because the guys have money and the women want to keep their fancy, expensive horses. I know one of those husbands, and he’s admitted to me that he has a mistress. They really love each other. He doesn’t give his mistress money or jewelry or fancy stuff. She doesn’t want it anyway. There’s nothing that money can buy between them. Just love. Lusty, sweaty, soul scorching love. I think she deserves respect. I’m not sure I’d say the same for the wife involved.
One of the fascinating stories that came from that rescue of the miners in Chile a few years ago was that some of them had mistresses. The media didn’t talk about the mistresses much. That would have caused problems with the Politically Correct Forces for Good in the Community. Mistresses are a little like Stepmothers—they don’t get much respect. And that’s bizarre, because they sometimes become stepmothers. Not usually. But sometimes.
Think about the chance a woman takes when she becomes a mistress just because she loves a man. I’m not talking about mistress-ing for money. I mean mistress-ing for love. I don’t mean a woman who likes to romp with a regiment. I mean a mistress who puts her youth, her reputation, and her beauty at risk, just because she loves one man. She knows going in that a mistress usually loses everything.
Of course, sometimes—not often, but sometimes—she does win. It’s a long shot, but sometimes something wonderful happens for both the woman and the man involved. Louie -Louie gentlemen like to come clean. So, as you might have figured out by now, I had a mistress like that. A beautiful young woman full of love, and joy, and dignity.
I’ll never step on the moon or win a triathlon or talk to the whole country on network radio again. I’ll never make a big mark on life. But please help me make my little smudge. What I’m asking you to do is simple, but it’s kind of hard. Because it goes against the flow.
Any time you might remember me, I’d like it to be as one of the people who got you to look at life one person at a time, in that young woman’s honor.
She is now my Lady Wonder Wench.”
Happy Mother’s Day. And that includes Step Mothers. The difficulties that biological Mothers go through are pretty well known. But today’s podcast is about a Step Mother. A woman who helps another woman’s child grow smart and strong and loved. That’s just as special.
