Dick Summer Connection

All this sex research is confusing. In today’s podcast, Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie Louie Generation says, “You should never have sex before your first date.” Words to live by. He also says, “It is impolite after an unsuccessful first date for a guy to ask for his flowers back. And it is just as impolite for a girl to suggest that she will give him his dinner back if he tries to touch her.” More words to live by. It wasn’t always like this. It used to be that when a guy met a girl he liked at some bar, he’d slide over to her and whisper one of his favorite pick up lines into her ear. Guys used to collect good pick up lines. Stuff like ”Your eyes are as blue as the water in my toilet.” Or “I’m here. Now what are your other two wishes.”And once the picking up is done, and lots of years go by, other problems often arise.

Today’s podcast is about doctors doing reports about sex. My somewhat limited personal experience in the field suggests that if you’re doing things right, there should be so much chemistry going on that you won’t have enough energy left to write a report or anything else. Personal experience. That’s what happens when you can’t keep your hands off each other… You’re at each other all night, first thing in the morning, during lunch, and twice each evening. When you realize that you haven’t done laundry in four months, your friends are all worried about you and your houseplants are all dead…THEN and only then will you be able to claim you have successfully completed your research. Either get rid of those fully buttoned up white lab coats doctors, or find a different subject for your experiments. A new subject for the experiment might be called for if with your present subject, you find yourself watching the weather forecast over her shoulder, or hanging on to the channel changer instead of some part of her anatomy while she is trying to warm oil wrestle with you. What’s the use. Doctors won’t listen. They’re stubborn.

I think the kind of faulty research into female sexuality that’s in today’s podcast all started a few years ago when some group of fully buttoned up tight fitting white lab coated doctors got on TV, and with a straight face they said “The main reason men want to have sex with beautiful young women is to spread their genes to the next generation.” No, no, no doctors. Un-button and loosen up your lab coats guys and try the experiment again. Go about it the right way and you’ll find yourself trying the experiment again, and again, and again. I can’t tell you how often, after an evening of joy, I have fervently prayed that my genes should drown in their own little gene pools.

Doctors have been doing lab experiments about the female sex drive. It’s in today’s podcast. Their findings are waayyy off. Doctors, doctors, doctors…un-button your tight fitting white lab coats and try the experiment again following Dr. Guzinski’s lead. Dr. Gay Guzinski, M.D. of the American College of Obstetricians published a study just now that says, “Women who are multi orgasmic can and do remain so for their entire lives.” So how does he know that? The only way he would know that for sure is if he spends many, many nights working late with his intern whose name is Desiree. I think you will find that when you have wandered into a ladies’ erogenous zone like that, she will often smile, purr, and writhe all at once. And I guarantee you’ll notice that. Some ladies even say something in a romance language…something like “WHOOPIE.”

No, no, no, no. I do not believe the report from Harvard University that’s in today’s pocast. I’m trying hard not to fall out of my big, manly, black leather poppa chair while I’m laughing from reading this thing. This report says “Posting views on Facebook and other social media sites delivers a powerful reward to the brain similar to the pleasure from food and sex.” No, no, no guys…that may be true…but only if you have food and sex while you’re wearing your fully buttoned up, tight fitting white lab coat. There is something wrong with that study. And there are all kinds of studies like that these days. Dr. Gay Guzinski, M.D. of the American College of Obstetricians published a study just now that says, “Women who are multi orgasmic can and do remain so for their entire lives.” So how does he know that? The only way he would know that for sure is if he spends way too many nights working late with his intern whose name is Desiree. It’s all in the name of science…of course.

You’ve got to expect news stories about riots, threats of nuclear war, and another politician caught where his hand shouldn’t be…maybe in a financial cookie jar, or on a lady’s personal anatomy. And as today’s podcast just said, statistics say we spend an average of 1,600 hours a year watching TV. I sometimes wonder what’s average. Theoretically if you stuck one hand in a bucket of ice, and the other hand in a pot of boiling water it could be said that you would have an average comfort level. By the way, don’t do that. Pfarf, my lower reptilian brain made me say that to you. Pfarf sometimes causes trouble. I read a story from the UCLA Department of Psychiatry today that says, “When a woman is ovulating she is attracted to a man with rugged and masculine features.” And Pfarf kept telling me that on the other hand if a woman is not ovulating, but instead is menstruating or menopausal she tends to be attracted to a man whose shirt is on fire, with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest.

T.G.I.F. which means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details, is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s scaring your whee beastie away out the other ear, and you can grab a grin and win. Historians tell us that it took the ancient Egyptian embalmers 15 days to wrap a mummy. They were the original wrap artists. Other scientists claim they have found 4,000 year old noodles in China. They were probably just digging around and found a pre-historic take out container. If the answer is “Keep the lower half shut” what is the question? Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. The average American spends 1,600 hours a year watching TV and 54 hours reading. That means the Average American thinks TV is much gooder than books. It takes 100 years for tidal friction to slow the earth’s rotation by 14 seconds. Check your helmet, because when tidal friction causes the earth to stop rotating, best guess is that we’ll all fall off. If the answer is “Keep the lower half shut” the question is what’s the best way to save face? Keep the lower half shut. I wish I had remembered that when I called the un-finished furniture store and tried to buy a tree.  Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

A little house keeping here…If you like the podcasts, or my spoken word story CDs at Dick Summer.com, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot at Amazon.com would you please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’d be doing me a favor. Thanks.

It was a whee beastie like my “Pfarf” who made you get up and dance like nobody was watching when the dj played Louie Louie at the record hop all those years ago…and maybe surprised you with a quick tear when you found some baby shoes and old love letters in the bottom of a trunk in the attic. An important part of today’s podcast says “Lots of times we tell our kids to pay attention to their wee beasties. We tell them you can be whatever you want to be…go for it. I wonder why we very often stop telling ourselves the same thing. You can be whatever you want to be.”

We all have a lower reptilian brain. All of us including you. I call mine my “Wee Beastie.” When it gets sexy it becomes my “Whee Beastie.” I call my “Whee Beastie” Rumplstilkin Pfarphenugen. “Pfarf” for short. As I warned you in today’s podcast, Pfarf is a powerful and dangerous little guy. Your whee beastie is too, so don’t ignore him. Whee beasties don’t like ignorance. Whee beasties work hard to juice up your life. For example, if you live in an apartment with thin walls, or a neighborhood where people leave their windows open at night, you will probably hear in the middle of some night a woman’s voice shouting “Oh my God…yes, yes, yes”…and if it doesn’t sound like a prayer, you can be pretty sure that somebody has opened a cage, and let her whee beastie out to play.

Today’s podcast is about your lower reptilian brain. Everybody has a lower reptilian brain. Including you. Scientists say your lower reptilian brain is part of your limbic system. I like to think of mine as kind of a friendly little wee beastie. I call my wee beastie Rumplestilskin Pfarfenugen. Pfarf for short. Pfarf causes problems for me sometimes. He can be a problem when instead of being a simple wee beastie, he becomes a whee beastie. He becomes the whoopee maker in my life. He tends to wiggle my ears when my Lady Wonder Wench walks into the room wearing only her two piece…that’s what I call her bedroom slippers. And that makes her laugh. Laughs very easily become lustful. So get the picture. Yesterday I had an early, important business appointment, and ten minutes before I’m supposed to see my client this beautiful woman is standing there wearing just her “Two piece”…her bedroom slippers…and she is laughing…which causes severe…wiggling…see what I mean? Pfarf is a powerful and dangerous little guy. Your wee beastie is too, so don’t ignore him. Whee beasties don’t like ignorance.