Dick Summer Connection

T.G.I.F, so it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s annoying the hell out of you out the other ear, and you can calm down and grab a grin. The average cow farts 35 cubic feet of gas per day. I guess if you lit a match at the wrong time you could literally watch a cow jump over the moon. If the answer is, “The Salt Talks” what is the question. Don’t know do you. I’ll tell you in a minute. Little Richard and M.C. Hammer are both ordained ministers. I’ll bet their Sunday Services were a little different from the last ones you might have attended. Men get more ulcers than women, but women get more migraines. Actually, I think a lot of men get more ulcers than most women BECAUSE women get so many migraines. More people die playing golf than any other sport. And believe it or not the leading cause…of why people die playing golf…is too many strokes. If the answer is “The Salt Talks” the question is “What happens when you have dinner with a ventriloquist”? The salt talks. I think it’s interesting that salt is a rock. You must be very tough…eating rocks. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little housekeeping here. If you like these podcasts, or my spoken word story CDs,  or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot,  would you please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’d be doing me a favor. Thank you very much.

I like fortune cookie words. Break some words apart, like a fortune cookie, and sometimes you find interesting messages inside. Today’s podcast says “People” is a fortune cookie word with a warning inside about drinking too much coffee or beer. Be especially careful of that if you’re going for a long ride in your car, and gas stations are scarce along the way.

I like fortune cookie words. That’s the subject of today’s podcast. Break some words apart, like a fortune cookie, and sometimes you find interesting messages inside. Holiday is a fortune cookie word. It means a day on which you have can enjoy having some holly … as you say Merry Christmas. Christmas is a fortune cookie word. Christ mass. Christ is…Christ, and in physics a mass is a hunk of something. So Christmas is a hunk of Christ. Healthy is a fortune cookie word. It means heal-thy self. Intent would be a fortune cookie word to an Indian. Lessons would be a fortune cookie word to somebody who had a house full of daughters. Women is a fortune cookie word…and because I’m already in big enough trouble, I’m not breaking that one open.

Today’s podcast is about noticing pretty ladies. Back in what seems like a different lifetime now, I used to spend a lot of time in Manhattan going to various recording studios to do TV voiceovers. Most of the studios are pretty close together. So sometimes on a nice Summer day, I’d finish one session and have another coming up…but there was an occasional break between sessions that was long enough to grab some lunch. And I enjoyed sitting on the steps of some sky scraper having a sandwich and some coffee, and watching the Manhattan world spin by. Especially the girls in their soft Summer dresses. There are very large statues in front of some of the big office buildings in the recording studio part of Manhattan. One of the statues in front of the building where I did the Sony commercials had a huge statue with a big brass sign on it that said “Tyranasaurus.” I was sitting on the steps right in front of the statue having my lunch one nice Summer day as an airliner was passing overhead. I like airplanes, and I usually check them out when I can. So I looked up at the 747 going in to JFK airport, and as I let my glance slide down the side of the Tyranasaurus statue I saw something that looked a little out of place. High up on the inside of one of the giant legs of the statue was some kind of inscription. I stood up to get a better look, and I saw the words “For Jen” carved right into the metal leg. It must have been put there by the sculptor who made the statue. It’s a big statue in a very high rent district. The sculptor was paid big bucks by somebody…probably the people who built that skyscraper…but I’ll be willing to bet that one of the folks sitting on the steps having lunch in front of that mega million dollar statue one bright Summer day, was a pretty lady named Jen.

Never ignore a pretty lady…or two.

Today’s podcast is about  “fortune cookie words.” Break some words apart, like a fortune cookie, and sometimes you find interesting messages inside. Break open the “fortune cookie word” “analyst” and you find the word “anal” meaning anal, and “ist” which in this case means person. So breaking open the fortune cookie word you find that an analyst is an anal person…particularly a political analyst …they’re all over the cable news networks. And they are painful…in the butt. Lots more examples in today’s podcast.

Some signs have straight out non-hidden meanings that somehow get ignored. Like this one.

Today’s podcast is about “Fortune Cookie Words.” I like fortune cookie words. Break some words apart, like a fortune cookie, and sometimes you find interesting messages inside. The word “Politics” is a good example. Break it apart and you find “poli” which means many and “ticks” which refers to annoying little blood sucking bugs. Do politics ever annoy you…like a bunch of little bugs crawling around on you…drinking your blood? I like sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, breaking fortune cookie words apart, because lots of times the hidden messages inside tell you something valuable. Impossible is a fortune cookie word. “Im” means I am, and the rest of the word is “possible.” So break the fortune cookie word “Impossible” apart, and you get a boot in the butt that tells you to get up off your fanny and give something hard a try. A boot in the butt sometimes gets us to take advantage of an open window of opportunity. 

Today’s podcast is about back in the day when we practiced putting our school desks between us and thermo-nuclear destruction on those daily duck and cover drills, I was lucky enough to have a group of friends who called themselves, “The Royal Order Of The Purple Shaft.” I was a charter member, along with John, Jerry, Frank, and Leo. We have all lost touch over the years. But a time warp ZAP! happened this week. John’s daughter Jane sent me an email, and it’s beginning to look like at least part of the Royal Order shall ride the shaft again. That’s the best news I’ve had since I woke up this morning. 

It’s T.G.I.F. so it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast.  Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the really important stuff that’s bothering you out the other ear, and you can just grab a grin and win. The zoo guys tell us that beavers sometimes get crushed by the trees that they chew on. Proving that their bite is worse than the bark I guess. If the answer is “Three men and a baby” what is the question? I’ll tell you in a minute. The hairs on the butt of a cockroach are so sensitive that they can detect air currents made by the onrushing tongue of a toad. Or a rolled up newspaper. Neanderthals are said to have buried their dead. Guess they did. Don’t see many of them lying around. Most fights in a home are in the kitchen…where she keeps the sharp knives. If a cow eats onions, her milk will taste like onions. Which is why if I had a cow I’d feed her chocolate. If the answer is “Three men and a baby” the question is “What do you get when four guys go fishing and one doesn’t catch anything.” Three men and a baby. Of course that fourth guy can always argue that he wasn’t really fishing. He was just sitting there in the boat in his capacity as president of the de-baiting club. That’ll get him off the hook. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little housekeeping here, if you like these podcasts, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, available at Amazon, or my spoken word story CDs please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, any you’d be doing me a favor. Thank you.

Today’s podcast deals with what fathers have to explain to your sons and daughters. When daughters become teenagers…we need to explain different things from the stuff that boys need to know. Delicate things, like girls who go camping with guys, must be careful of evil intent. You’ll want to throw every boy who comes into the same zip code as your daughter into the next county. But don’t. While she is a teenager, your daughter won’t want to be seen with her father in public. But when she gets to be around 20, your daughter will make you so proud…you’ll really try to become the kind of guy she thinks you are.

Today’s podcast which is called The Royal Order Of The Purple Shaft explains that you have an obligation to explain things to your son. Things like the covers of all the women’s magazines have big stories about how women say they want more and better sex. He’s going to want to know why women don’t tell us that. Good question. He’s going to find out that men aren’t talkers. We’re doers. We take action. Action like opening a can of beer, changing the TV channel, opening another can of beer. Actually, your kid will learn that fast enough all by himself. Having a teen age son makes you wonder when a cop pulls you over for speeding…you can’t help but wonder what the cop’s bedroom looks like. But while he’s writing out the ticket might not be a good time to ask. Timing is everything.