Today’s podcast is about a podcast that was originally done maybe 8 years ago. YOU KEEP COMING BACK TO IT. And I’d really like to know why you do that. Please give it a listen, and let me know what you think. Your window of opportunity to express your deepest feelings is wide open. My email is dick@dicksummer.com.
Today’s podcast is about what happened when “Lawn Tractor Man” met “Piano Man”? Something happened. This podcast was originally done years ago. But it was by far the most downloaded podcast of all TODAY, and there are 558 podcasts in all. It has a story in it about NYC Police Detective Bill McGroaraty, who was a friend of mine until the bad guys got him. And there’s a story about some chest thumping, sweat stained pride in having the fastest lawn tractor on the block. And there’s also a story about two pilots and a woman…a story that took a lot of discipline for me to write because it hits pretty close to home. But it was published years ago. How come after all this time, it ranked as the most downloaded podcast of all time. I don’t know “Whassup” but maybe you can tell me. I’d really like to know. My email is dick@dicksummer.com
It takes time to learn some things about life…and you can’t learn those things from books…whoops… sorry…you can’t learn those things by reading your Kindle. Today’s podcast is about the fact that for me, life works one tear, one splinter, one meal, one laugh, one love at a time. The love part is especially tricky. Deciding you’re going to love forever can be a problem. “Forever” is way too complicated an idea. Forever can be a trap. But if you let your love keep feeding on your fantasies, you’ve got a shot at keeping it strong enough to last a very long time. Maybe forever? So that means you’ve got to power up your fantasies as often as you can. “All you need is love” is a great song, and it’s a terrific fantasy, but it’s not quite true. You also need a roof over your head, something to wear to keep you warm, and a bite of chocolate couldn’t hurt once in a while. Loving costs you a lot. But not loving costs you everything. And guys, the good news is that most ladies find it hard to resist a guy who sings to her, even if it’s a little off key. A guy who brings her flowers…and tells her stories…and always holds her hand. Always. I have come to the time in my life when I am absolutely certain that “two at a time” refers to pills…not stairs or lovers. And I think I have had a successful life, because looking back…most of my memories make me smile. I hope yours do too.
It’s T.G.I.F. which means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s clogging your brain out the other ear, so you can start remembering more stuff. It says here that farting contests were held in ancient Japan. Prizes were awarded for loudness and duration. It doesn’t say anything about fragrance, or the maintenance of clean underwear. Women always roll their eyes out loud when guys tell fart jokes. Why is that? I can make my Lady laugh at a fart joke. I just look her in the eye, lean back and say fart fart fart. That makes her laugh. Then she rolls her eyes. If the answer is “TALK” what is the question? Don’t know? I’ll tell you in a minute. In a conversation, Americans stand an average of 10 feet apart. Russians stand average of 8 feet apart. I think that’s because it’s colder in Russia. Shared bodily warmth is always good. Last February, 1,588 couples at the Sarnia Sports Center broke the record for most kisses in one place at one time. If I were going to try for a kissing record with my Lady Wonder Wench in February it would be for the most kisses in lots of places at one time. As I just said, it’s cold in February. This is incredible…but true…72% of Americans don’t know the people who live next door. Hey…go next door…knock on the door…and say, “hello.” Bring a chunk of chocolate with you. Lake Titicaca is the highest navigable lake in the world. Also the most fun to say. If the answer is “TALK” the question is “What four letter word ending in the letter k, means intercourse?” Got it wrong didn’t you. Shame on you. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little housekeeping here…if you like the regular podcasts, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, , or my spoken word CDs please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’d be doing me a favor. Thank you.
1997 was the year my brain went from “I probably shouldn’t be doing that” to “Oh hell let’s see what happens.” Today’s podcast is about the fact that we had incandescent light bulbs back in 1997. And when you checked into a hotel you got a key instead of a plastic card with a chip in it. My car had a clutch pedal. There were mail boxes all around. It was a very different time, and this was a very different place, because it WAS such a different time. Time really does fly. And right now it feels like it’s flying at escape velocity. Hang on, group. Don’t let go of each other.
Memories of 1997 in today’s podcast. 1997 was an interesting year. Clinton was president. BILL Clinton. Tony Blair was running England. It was the Hello Dolly year… Dolly the sheep was cloned. Billy Crystal MC’d the Oscars…The English Patient won, but Titanic was the biggest picture of the year, and Men In Black was my favorite. Comet Hale-Bopp popped up in the sky, and an IBM computer beat Gary Kasparov the Russian Grand Chess Master. The first time a computer out thought a person as far as I know. Timothy McVeigh was the first home grown terrorist I was aware of…out in Oklahoma, NASA’s Pathfinder landed on Mars, and Princess Diana was killed in a car accident. Her funeral was televised, and I think somewhere around 2 billion people watched around the world. And if you remember all those things too, you should also remember what Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie Louie Generation always says, “If you have any moving parts left, for crying out loud, move em.” Lovers and hunters need moving parts.
Today’s podcast is about remembering all the way back to when my TV had only 7 channels. I grew up in Brooklyn, New York. When you got west of Jersey in those days, there were only three channels in most cities till you got just east of L.A. Back in those days I remember slapping the side of the TV to make the picture stop rolling. Baseball games were broadcast in black & white using only 3 cameras, and the cameras didn’t have zoom lenses. And I used a pencil to rewind a stuck cassette audio tape. Do you even remember audio cassettes? And there were Blockbusters…stores that just rented video tapes. Video TAPES. And the Blockbuster stores all had little back rooms where they kept the tapes you didn’t want your parents or neighbors to catch you renting. And of course, you had to be sure to rewind the tapes when you returned them or there was a PENALTY. When we switched to DVDs, it took me a while to stop looking for a way to re-wind them. You don’t have to re-wind your smart phones now, but there are real PENALTIES for the way we use them.
I carried paper pictures of my Lady Wonder Wench and the rest of my family in my wallet back in 1997. Today’s podcast has the details of what life was like back then. For example, there were only two genders in 1997, and I was one of them and my Lady was the other. Hard to realize that back then was now in 1997. Which maybe explains why when I sneezed yesterday, my back hurt all day. Seems like I had no worries back in 1997.
I am sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly black leather poppa chair in my living room, reading a newspaper. A NEWSPAPER. Do you remember reading a NEWSPAPER? And it’s published by the AARP! I guess that explains why when I fill out an on line form it takes forever to scroll down to my birth year.Today’s podcast explains why I sometimes think 1997 was ten years ago. I have good memories from 1997. My phone plugged into the wall in 1997. And I used the dial up method of getting on the internet. It took a while, but I had a while to spend back then. MTV played music videos back then, and their “Picks To Click” back in 1997 are on Pandora now as “Classic Rock.” I was amazingly young in 1997, and I played music for other very young people on the radio.
Today’s podcast encourages you to break some words apart like a fortune cookie, because sometimes you find interesting messages inside. Lots of times the hidden messages inside tells you something valuable. “Impossible” is a fortune cookie word. “I’m” means I am, and the rest of the word is “possible.” So break the fortune cookie word “Impossible” apart, and you get a boot in the butt that tells you to get up off your fanny and give something hard a try.”Analyst” is a fortune cookie word. “Anal” is “anal” and “ist” in this case is a person. So an analyst is an anal person…usually of the political persuasion…who works on a cable news network…seemingly 24/7. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it. I always liked telling stories. So please give today’s podcast a listen.
