Archive for September, 2016

Dick Summer Connection

Friday, September 9th, 2016

It’ T.G.I.F. which means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the naughty thoughts in your brain out the other ear, and you can pretend you’re completely innocent. 10% of all traffic accidents are caused be drunk driving. That means 90% of accidents are caused by people who are stone sober. Sober guy are a menace on the road. (See picture below) If the answer is “A private tooter, what is the question?” I’ll tell you in a minute. Another smart guy in a white lab coat recently said, “Your index finger is the most sensitive finger on your hand.” That research was obviously not done in my home town Brooklyn, New York, where every day research is done on which is the most important finger on your hand. The flesh of a porcupine was considered a delicacy by the Indians. I think they just liked the idea that when you were finished eating you had plenty of tooth picks. If the answer is “A private tooter” the question is “What do you call a guy who never passes gas in public?” A private tooter. You hold that stuff in too long and your ankles swell up and your eyes bug out. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. A little house keeping here, if you like these podcasts, or the spoken word cds  at dicksummer.com, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot available at Amazon…shameless plug…please tell a couple of friends, because they might like them too, and you’d be doing me a favor. Thanks.

asshole-lic-plate

Dick Summer Connection

Thursday, September 8th, 2016

Proud Podcast Person Jim Merrill’s rules from today’s podcast: Rule #1: Instead of arguing or debating with your wife too often, always agree with your wife on all the little things. This will make her happy and make your day go much more smoothly. Rule # 2: EVERTHING is a little thing -Jim Merrill. I think about that pretty regularly…sitting here in my big, black, comfortable, manly poppa chair in my living room…usually wearing a torn tee shirt, and some scruffy sweat pants, and beaten up old slippers. I tell myself that I’m a comfortable guy. But then, lots of times my Lady & I go to a diner for dinner. So I always change into a nice shirt, slacks, and good shoes. Why? Why don’t I dress like that at home? There’s nobody at the diner I want to impress. But I sure do want to impress my Lady. And lots of times when I look at her, sitting across the table, I wonder how I would be doing on a first date with her. Not too well I think…sometimes. She occasionally makes a quick remark about my table manners…just because last weekend when I was drinking my soup, 3 couples got up and started dancing. I’m a guy with decades of experience in not having a clue as to what women are thinking. They’re thinkers. We’re doers. We do things. We open a can of beer. We change the channel on the TV. We open another can of beer. I don’t know where women go in their heads when they watch us. A woman may give you her body, and her heart. But if you watch closely, sometimes you’ll see flashes of memories, and hopes that are only hers. Hidden fantasies, un-shared longings, past lovers’ secrets. My big secrets are that I like raw onions, fruit cake, and back scratches. Not very exciting. Thanks Jim, you’re right. Everything is a little thing compared to what you have if you’re lucky enough to have a good woman in your life. And… how quickly our lives slip away.

list-of-ways-to-win-an-argument

 

Dick Summer Connection

Wednesday, September 7th, 2016

There are some rules of thumb in today’s podcast that may help when you are seriously involved in sex. Sometimes you will be so out of breath you can’t even moan, and you need a quick time out, because you feel like you are about to leave your body. Or your partner’s body. Making out in a car can be wonderful if you follow some simple rules. #1- Never blow in your partner’s ear while he/she is looking for toll money. #2- Close your eyes to enjoy whatever is going on only when you have come to a complete stop…the car has come to a complete stop that is. #3- Never touch your partner’s favorite erogenous zone while she is punching the buttons on her GPS. #4- Don’t lick your partner’s belly button while he/she is trying to parallel park. #5- Always take the time to remove your seat belts. #5A- Ladies should not remove undergarments while your guy is trying to change lanes on a super highway. I had a friend who’s girl friend did that once. It resulted in an expensive, and noisy situation that just ruined the mood. He had a tremendous sex drive. She lived 500 miles away. And as always, guys…be careful. Almost anything that can go wrong probably will go wrong.

doghouse night

Dick Summer Connection

Tuesday, September 6th, 2016

As Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie Louie Generation says in my book Staying Happy, Healthy And Hot, “Salespeople have relationships with buyers. Lovers have romances…together.”  I have a decades long romance with my Lady Wonder Wench, based on the premise that folks who sweat together, stick together. There are some quick rules of thumb that can help you develop some mutual sweat. For example, your bedroom should be a comfortable place for both you and your partner. So take the oil paintings of you with your last 8 lovers off the ceiling. Resist the urge to walk into the room doing the goose step. That can disturb the sensitive partner. Be sure you have good solid drapes so you have something strong to grab on to if things get a little out of control. It may be ok for your lover to talk on the phone during love making as long as the person to whom he or she is not his or her spouse. Or your spouse. As it says in today’s podcast, “One exception is if it’s his commercial agent who has a booking for a series of national TV commercials. Don’t mess with that. If these suggestions seem difficult, remember please that “Life is difficult.” But the alternative is not attractive.

cereal in strainer

Dick Summer Connection

Monday, September 5th, 2016

Happy Labor Day. The informal end of summer. Put a light blanket on the bed last night. How fast the Summer went. How quickly our lives slip away.

shadow ballerina

Dick Summer Connection

Sunday, September 4th, 2016

As I mentioned in today’s podcast, E mails occasionally pour in to dick@dicksummer.com. Here’s one that just poured. It says, “Dick, Just thought I’d share a couple of life rules with you that I’ve learned that have helped my marriage (of 45 years): Rule #1: Instead of arguing or debating with your wife too often, always agree with your wife on all the little things. This will make her happy and make your day go much more smoothly. Rule # 2: EVERYTHING is a little thing….For you to share (or NOT to share) with you podcast listeners. -Jim Merrill-“ Jim’s note got me to thinking. As some of you know, that can be dangerous. As Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie Louie Generation says in my book Staying Happy, Healthy And Hot…available at Amazon…Louie says, “Salespeople have relationships with buyers. Lovers have romances…together.”  I have a decades long romance with my Lady Wonder Wench, based on the premise that folks who sweat together, stick together. Regardless of strange driving habits.

her garage

Dick Summer Connection

Saturday, September 3rd, 2016

When my Lady Wonder Wench is with me, her pulse races, her palms sweat, she trembles all over. She really hates how I drive. My neighbor & buuddy Randy seems to have the same problem with Bernadette. We have the only two garages in the neighborhood with skid marks on the floor. It’s in today’s podcast. But our ladies stay with us anyway.  I think it’s because they’re smart. They know you can’t always be falling in love, but they realize that once you fall in love, the best thing to do is to start digging deeper. It makes sense. It’s no good to go swimming alone, or to a show, or climbing a mountain, or just living your life. Alone sucks. You’ve got to give your partner enough room to grow. But you’ve got to hold her close enough so she doesn’t get lost. Love is like a bathing suit. It all depends on what you put into it. Friendship is that way too. Having good friends like Randy and Bernadette living right next door…is very special.

2 parking spots

Dick Summer Connection

Friday, September 2nd, 2016

It’s T.G.I.F. which means it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s bothering you about the next election out the other ear, so you can avoid arguments, and duels with your friends, and you can just grab a grin and win. A large group of baboons is called a congress. Coincidence? I think not. If the answer is “Three men and a baby” what is the question? Don’t know do you. Of course not. I haven’t told you yet, but I will in a minute. I’ll give you a little hint…my friend Randy “The Fish Whisperer” told me this one. He always says “Fishin’ is my mission.” He has a tee shirt that says “Yo…fish. Bite me. The original Olympics were performed in the nude, which inspired the long ago lady sportscaster’s famous comment, “Is that a spear you’re carrying or are you just glad to see me” Pecans were discovered in Louisiana in 1541. I guess before pecans, people used out houses. If the answer is three men and a baby, the question is “What do you get when four guys go fishing and only three of them catch anything.” Blame Randy for that one. “yo, fish. Bite me. Randy was out fishing last Summer and he says it was so hot, his right guard let go, and the resulting odor caused a flock of geese flying over head to change course and flee in terror. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. BTW – See if you can find the guy who is watching the girls in the tiny bikinis.

erectile betrayal

Dick Summer Connection

Thursday, September 1st, 2016

Today’s podcast is about how lucky we are to have good friends like Randy & Bernadette for neighbors. Randy and I even share some political perspectives. We both really enjoy the sound politicians make when they just shut up. I was telling him about the congressman from our district. He’s dyslexic. He read the second amendment, and went out and armed some bears.

husband day care