Archive for May, 2016

Dick Summer Connection

Saturday, May 21st, 2016

Saturday is “Do It Day.” Gotta do everything you didn’t have time to do during the week. In my book “Staying Happy Healthy And Hot,” Big Louie…the head guy of our Louie Louie Generation says “If you’re running around tearing phone books in half, carrying your living room couch upstairs all by yourself, and doing back to back 15K charity runs…calm down. You’re in danger of wearing out your last moving part.” Take a couple of deep breaths and listen to today’s podcast. 

everything ok

Dick Summer Connection

Friday, May 20th, 2016

It’s T.G.I.F. and that means it’s time for the most popular feature of today’s podcast, Dick’s Details. Some smart guy in a white lab coat who’s name I forgot made big news this week, when he claimed he found a toad that meows instead of croaking. Hell, if you’re a member of the Louie Louie Generation, you remember back in the 60s when lots of guys discovered giant spiders hanging by threads from the moon, changing shapes and colors in time with Jimmy Hendrix music. If the answer is “There must have been a fork in the road” what is the question. If Barbie Doll’s measurements were scaled up to human size, they would be 36, 18, 33. The chances of meeting a lady with those measurements are literally one in a million. The chances of her paying the least bit of attention to you if you did meet her are also about one in a million. And 35% of people participating in dating web sites are already married…at least for the time being they are married. If the answer is ”There must have been a fork in the road” the question is, “How come you got a flat tire? There must have been a fork in the road. I think I took a wrong turn with that one. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. Some quick housekeeping: If you like today’s podcast, or the spoken word CDs at dicksummer.com, or my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot…available at Amazon dot com…shameless plug…please tell a couple of friends. They might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a favor. Thanks.

Red in bed

Dick Summer Connection

Thursday, May 19th, 2016

Today’s podcast scratches your itch. It explains how to deal with your personal “Zone of Despair.” I think we should respect our itches. They influence our lives. One of the main reasons no woman will ever play major league baseball is that women won’t spit or scratch in public. Spitting and scratching is at least 10% of any self respecting major leaguer’s activities. There’s all different kinds of scratching of course. If a mob guy scratches somebody that’s pretty serious. And in a way, how about a team mate’s fist bumps. Isn’t that scratching an itch of some kind? Like…”Yeahh we did it.” And how about a hug from someone you care about…man or woman. A hug can sometimes scratch the most powerful itch that’s lurking inside such a private and personal Zone of Despair that you don’t show it to any one. But I think that if you believe living is the most powerful itch of all…take a deep breath and scratch it…no matter how hard it is to reach.

best date

 

 

Dick Summer Connection

Wednesday, May 18th, 2016

We’re scratching your itches in today’s podcast. An itch is not a pain, although it’s sometimes more irritating than a pain. I’ve always thought that a tickle is a little like an itch. That’s why I never understood why, if you can use the slight pain of a hard fast scratch to take an itch away why can’t a little tickle take your pain away. Actually, you can’t tickle yourself, and I don’t understand that either. Skin is interesting stuff. It’s the border between yourself and every one and every thing in the universe. You get both physical and emotional feelings with your skin. If you hit your hammer with your thumb your skin sure feels it. But there’s also the finger tip touches…or even the near skin touches that happen when somebody sexy is around. It’s sometimes like your skin feels kind of a magnetism for somebody sexy’s skin…and if you’re lucky it works the other way around too. One very quick experience like that can change your life…like it did for the man and woman in the story from my Night Connections spoken word CD that’s in today’s podcast.

shut up & kiss

Dick Summer Connection

Tuesday, May 17th, 2016

Your “Zone Of Despair” is that part of your back that you can’t reach to scratch. It’s in today’s podcast. My Zone Of Despair drove me to buying the services of a back scratcher. I called her Desiree. She broke up with me a year or so ago. She was giving me a five finger job, and it got so enthusiastic that her arm broke and she could no longer reach my Zone of Despair. After a brief period of mourning, wearing out my wall paper rubbing against the wall to try to scratch the itch and wishing door knobs were a little higher so I could rub against them, I replaced Desiree with the updated Desiree Two model. Very nice. But I’m hoping there will be a Desiree three model eventually. Maybe among the improvements that might be built in would be an audio sensor so that whenever there is an extended period of silence at the frequency of my Lady Wonder Wench’s voice indicating a period of great silence and no back scratching, Desiree Three would glow softly, vibrate gently, beckon to me with her index finger and hum with quiet anticipation. Properly scratching an itch is exceeded in delight only by biting into a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie…and certain erotic experiences that are far to graphic to describe here.

choc. chip cookie

Dick Summer Connection

Monday, May 16th, 2016

Your “Zone of Despair” is in today’s podcast. It’s about two inches on your back where you can’t scratch an itch because you can’t reach it. There are really only three ways of dealing with the Zone of Despair. #1- You can rub against the nearest wall while nobody is watching. #2- You can get into a relationship with someone with great fingernails who is willing to use them on your Zone of Despair. #3- You can buy a back scratcher. Actually, even in the best relationships there are moments of great silences, in which the scratching of your back is not going to happen. So if you don’t want to wear out your wall paper, you should buy a back scratcher. A guy can get pretty close to his back scratcher. Both a human one and the kind you buy. And the fact is, the kind of back scratchers you buy have certain advantages for guys. They don’t sulk when you describe Catherine Zeta Jones with excessiveenthusiasm. They don’t get headaches, and they don’t wish you were George Clooney. If you think the Zone of Despair is tough for you, what’s it like for little kids?

baby face

Dick Summer Connection

Sunday, May 15th, 2016

I’m sitting here in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room, with a big smile on my face because I have just thoroughly scratched a hard to reach itch on my back. Oooh that feels good. Scratching an itch into surrender is exceeded in pleasure only by certain sexual celebrations too graphic to describe here. Most itches you can scratch all by yourself, but some itches attack in what I call the Zone of Despair. The Zone of Despair is on your back. It’s only about two inches wide. But you can’t reach it with either hand. Certainly not if you reach for it over your shoulder. But even if you reach for it from below it’s just out of your reach. About fifty percent of you are trying it right now…the male fifty percent. The feminine fifty percent are just rolling their eyes out loud, because they’ve already discovered this for themselves. Sometimes you can reach the Zone of Despair with a fork, but that’s something you’ll always remember doing every time you eat with that fork. That fork will always make your steak taste a little different. There are really only three ways of dealing with the Zone of Despair.And they are in today’s podcast.

apple gate

Dick Summer Connection

Saturday, May 14th, 2016

Today’s podcast explains how an ordinary guy can become a Woman Whisperer. And it’s a wow. But I just realized that if Woman Whispering works for us, and it does, can you imagine what a turn on it would be if women started whispering like that to us. There’s a chapter about a woman who did just that in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. A little part of it goes like this…”A Louie Louie Generation Lady on the prowl is a force of nature. A great example of that happened around here last Friday. She was eyeing some guy sitting alone at the bar. I saw her put some perfume on her little lace hankie, then she walked by him…slipped the hanky into the guy’s jacket pocket, smiled up at him and walked away without a word. Naturally he caught up with her and asked her what that was all about. She looked up at him, smiled, and very quietly she said “Don’t you think it looks good in your pocket?” Then she leaned over toward him so she could hear his answer.” Oh MMM GGGG. If Woman Whispering works for us, and it does, can you imagine what would happen if they turned it around and used it on us? The moon would howl, the ratings on NFL football games would go to hell, and we would have such happy, exhausted smiles on our faces.

godly sex

 

Dick Summer Connection

Friday, May 13th, 2016

T.G.I.F so it’s time for one of the most popular features of today’s podcast : Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze out the important stuff that’s screaming in your other ear, and you can very quietly…speak very quietly to the nearest beautiful woman. The bottom line on a standard eye test chart is PEZOLCFTD. My Lady Wonder Wench is Polish, and she claims a cousin of hers spelled his first name like that. If the answer is, “Zero if she is clutching a Vermont Teddy Bear” what is the question? The technical name for your thumb is your pollex. The politically correct forces for good in the community don’t want you to know that, because they certainly don’t want your kid sucking on his pollex. And blonde hair comes undone most quickly in damp air. That information probably comes from some guy who was doing some very heavy breathing as some blonde hair was coming un-done. If the answer is “Not if she is clutching a Vermont Teddy Bear” the question is “What are the chances you’ll be having sex tonight?” (Zero if she is clutching a Vermont Teddy Bear.)  Hey…your chances might improve if you whisper and rub her back. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

changed later

Dick Summer Connection

Thursday, May 12th, 2016

Adam made a mistake eating that apple. He should have barbecued the snake. Guys have been making mistakes like that with women ever since. Now we finally have a clue as to what women really want. They want Women Whispering. There’s a sample in today’s podcast. Women Whispering. Hey guys, try it. The price is right. It worked for Clint Eastwood in “Play Misty For Me,” why shouldn’t it work for you? It even worked for me a few times…and I didn’t even know I was doing it. But here’s a little tip. There’s a difference between speaking quietly and mumbling. Mumbling is a turn off for women. Actually for anybody. Think about how Morgan Freeman would Woman Whisper. Or Barry White. Or even a guy with a high voice…Johnny Mathis for example. And Big Louie says if you don’t have the opportunity to rub her back, at least very lightly touch her on the arm, look at her eyes, and smile. Try it guys. Let me know how you do. My email is dick@dicksummer.com

adam & eve eat snake