Saturday is rushing-around-doing-stuff-you-couldn’t-get-done-during-the-week day. But don’t rush too fast. Take time to listen to today’s podcast. And take your time pumping gas.
Archive for April, 2016
TGIF, so it’s time for one of the most popular features of today’s podcast, Dick’s Details. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear so you can squeeze the important nasty stuff that’s getting you grim out the other ear, and just for a minute, you can relax, grab a grin and win. If you’re dyslexic you read things backwards. So a dyslexic atheist wouldn’t believe in doG. If the answer is “That’s why most American babies are born in late August and early September” what is the question. Glen Burke of the L.A. Dodgers is credited with inventing the high five in 1977. The high five is a fun thing but it’s a weird name. The high five. It sounds like a drunken basketball team. And the first pilot to fly over both the north and south poles had a perfect pilot name…Admiral Richard Bird. I’ll bet his friends called him Dickie Bird. Oh…if the answer is “Most American babies are born in late August and early September,” the question is, “What were most Americans doing on New Years…New Years Eve?” I’m surprised that more kids aren’t named New Year’s Eve…Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
It’s good sitting here relaxing…in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room. It’s good to relax. It’s a defense against lots of nasty stuff. Today’s podcast is about the Big nasties and little nasties. Sometimes when they really pile up, the little ones start looking like the big ones. I think that’s why the Lord gave us some friends who don’t mind when you play practical jokes on them…because it’s really true that you’ve got a better chance to win when you grab a grin. So thanks to my Lady Wonder Wench, and Susan, and Al, and Randy…and you too for keeping my life from getting grim.
As the politicians keep reminding us, life is full of nasty stuff. Some of the nasties have big sharp claws, red eyes, and very bad breath. Your lady leaves you, or you lose your job, or some very ugly bug takes up residence in your body or the body of somebody you love. And some of the nasties are paper cut kind of nasties. A traffic ticket, or a visit from your in-laws…or maybe even a real paper cut that hurts. When lots of nasties pile up, the little ones begin to hurt as much as the big ones. I always thought it’s too bad that it doesn’t work the other way around…the big ones feeling like the little ones. But that doesn’t happen. In today’s podcast I was telling you to grab a grin and win…because I really believe a grin is a good way to begin to win. It’s a fact that if you’re feeling down, and you take a deep breath and put a grin on your kisser, you’ll feel a little better. Try it. It works, and the price is right. It doesn’t solve all your problems, but it makes you feel a little better and that’s a good way to get things started in a better direction.
Lots of stuff in today’s podcast about the kind of jokes guys play on each other. My buddy Jerry, was the best man at his brother Kurt’s wedding. The night before the ceremony, Jerry took Kurt’s new shoes and used a felt pen to print the word help on the sole of one shoe, and the word me on the sole of Kurt’s other new shoe…right up near the heel…the part that doesn’t touch the ground. So when Kurt knelt down at the ceremony, the people in the first couple of rows had something to read…and giggle at. “Help Me.” That’s not being nasty. That’s just having fun. Why don’t women seem to understand?
One of the main reasons for doing my podcasts is to help you grab a grin and win. Grins are in short supply, especially in an election year. The politicians keep trying to form us into mobs so we can throw stones at the other politician’s mob. That’s nuts. And the terrorists love it. And IT’S SPRING. And it’s beautiful. And friends are having fun with friends. That’s what today’s podcast is all about. My buddy Jerry, was the best man at his brother Kurt’s wedding a little while ago. The night before the ceremony, Jerry took Kurt’s brand new shoes and used a felt pen to print the word “HELP” on the sole of Kurt’s left shoe, and the word “ME” on the sole of Kurt’s right shoe…right up near the heel…the part that doesn’t touch the ground. So when Kurt knelt down at the ceremony, the people in the first couple of rows had something to read…and giggle at. Grab a grin and win.
Thanks for dropping in here on my blog. I like your company. In today’s podcast you’ll find some ways of dealing with the “Nasties.” Here’s what I mean. I’m sitting here relaxing…in my big, comfortable, manly, black leather poppa chair in my living room. It’s good to relax. Among other things, it’s a defense against lots of nasty stuff. Big nasties and little nasties. Sometimes when they really pile up, the little nasties start looking like the big ones, and we lose sight of the fact that the Lord wants us be relaxed and happy…otherwise he wouldn’t have given all of us…except politicians, a sense of humor…and some friends who don’t mind when you play practical jokes on them. That’s not being nasty, that’s having fun. Here’s what I mean. I was looking all over the place for a missing sock the other day. That’s irritating. It’s a small nasty when you have one sock and you’re looking for the other one. Then I I asked myself, “Self…why should you suffer looking for the other sock?” And my self answered, “You’re right. That’s foolish. Take your sock over to your buddy Al’s house, and give him your missing sock problem.” So I did. I went over to Al’s house, and while my Lady Wonder Wench was talking with Al and his wife Jean, I excused myself and went into Al’s bathroom and slipped my sock into his laundry basket. I figured let him go nuts looking for the other one.To find out what Al did to me in return, check www.dicksummer.com/podcast
Today’s podcast has five “Summer’s Solo Sleazes” to make you smile when you’re feeling sensual but there’s no sensual partner with which to sense. I must admit that Summer’s Solo Sleazes will never take the place of your personal participation with a passionate partner in even more sensually significant stuff. But until we Louie-Louie Generation lads get better at mind reading, and mind changing or our Louie-Louie Generation ladies stop going arms length silent for hours and sometimes days and nights at a time, the Summer Solo Sleazes are at least semi helpful tools in the on going battle to come to grips (so to speak) with the fact that even the women in the Victoria’s Secret catalogue are probably not ALWAYS thinking about sex. But if you’ve seen the new catalogue I’m sure most Louie Louie Generation guys will agree with me when I say not thinking about sex for ladies like that is a shameful waste of time. Darwin says guys have felt like that since we were apes. Even he had no idea about women.
TGIF, so it’s time to put the most popular part of today’s podcast up here on the blog: Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s keeping you from enjoying yourself or the someone else of your choice, out the other ear, leaving you free to go for it with great enthusiasm. The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that most snakes cannot survive being xrayed. So if your girl friend suggests you go get an xray guys…she’s probably just checking. Dating is tough and scary. If the answer is “You have been licking your lips and the lips of most of your co-workers” what is the question. Abe Lincoln’s coffin was opened in 1887 and again in 1901 to make sure the body was still there. That’s the most bizarre game of peek a boo I ever heard of. More smart guys in white lab coats tell us that female dolphins sleep with one eye open. I guess lady dolphins feel they really can’t trust the guy dolphins. If the answer is you have been licking your lips and the lips of most of your co-workers, the question is “How do you know when you’ve been dieting too long.” Gotta be careful. Lose too much weight and you can slip between the boards on the park bench and get eaten by a squirrel. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.
Sensual sleazing is best done with a partner. But sometimes there’s no partner available. So today’s podcast gives you five solo sensual sleazes. Solo sensual sleaze #4 goes like this: Sexy Scalping is the slow, sliding scratch that begins at the bottom of your neck and moves up to the base of your hair line for those of you who still have one. Advanced Sexy Scalpers have been known to take it even further…sometimes all the way to the top of their heads, in a maneuver known to professionals simply as “Going All The Way.” “Going All The Way” is considered by the uninformed to be a sub set of the more generalized Solo Scratching Sleaze. But those who have experienced the low animal growl that “Going All The Way” often produces, just smile condescendingly and move on to….some other passing temptation.