Dick Summer Connection

Once upon a long time ago, the Louie Louie Lad and I and a good friend known as the Cookie Monster would walk from our apartment in a Chicago three-flat and wend our way to a restaurant called WAGS for dinner. I don’t know if WAGS still exists, but the Cookie Monster does and Chicago does – and the great memories of those walks still fill my mind when I close my eyes and watch Dick and Kevin walking side by side and arguing over what to do on the Lad’s radio show. Kevin, whom I called the Cookie Monster for obvious reasons (how that boy loves Orios), was the Lad’s producer, and both of them had decided ideas about what would work on the radio. Actually, they were both right and both wrong, but no one could tell them that. So I watched the ideas being tossed around like cookie crumbs and enjoyed the reasonable food at WAGS and then the stroll back to the Polish part of Chicago, where the Lads went off to Skokie and I would listen to the radio to hear which of them had won.

There will never be another Cookie Monster, and I don’t know about WAGS. But Chicago and Kevin are as solid a part of my memories as the flat land and Temple Farms (where I rode my horse Red) and the people who called the Lad and talked about their part of the country. I learned very quickly that Illinois consists of two places: Chicago and Downstate. But it also consists of people who love where they are and don’t mind sharing that love with you if you are willing to see and enjoy. I don’t believe I actually miss Chicago – or the wind and snow – but I do miss the kindness and the laughter and the friends . . .

Photo of Chicago courtesy of Proud Podcast Person Bill K.

Valentine’s Day is about love…or no love. Or maybe kind of strange love if you believe the picture down below. It’s full of laughs, tears, hopes, and fears. It’s real. It’s not about looking at life through rose-colored glasses. In my case it’s about a guy who’s happily looking at his life through bifocals that still get steamed up and sometimes a little teared up, because the calendar says I’m watching the Summer sunshine of our lives turn to Autumn gold…my Lady Wonder Wench and me.

As I mentioned in today’s podcast, I guess I go a little excessive on Valentine’s Day. And at the other extreme are a couple of guys I know who just ignore Valentine’s Day. I guess they’ve just grown up too much to enjoy themselves anymore. And of course, there are quite a few folks who are taking another heavy hit to the heart this Valentine’s Day. And unfortunately, it’s true that sometimes…the hottest loves end in the coldest words. That’s tough. I’ve been lucky. The last time that happened to me was with a blonde. Blue eyes. We were in Kindergarten. Her name was Joanie. And she didn’t even open my Valentine’s Day card. Kind of made me feel like just another sock in the laundromat of life. That was a long time ago, and I’ve pretty much gotten over it. Mostly. Pretty much.

Today’s podcast explains why Valentine’s Day should be a national holiday. Valentine’s Day is a great excuse for some extra hugging, and kissing, and general fooling around. I have heard that some people get so carried away they even hug the nearest tree. Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie-Louie Generation puts that into perspective. He always says, “It’s ok to hug a tree. As long as that’s as far as it goes. You may have to back off a bit if your girlfriend finds bark stains on your collar.” 

Today’s podcast is about  Valentine’s day. I like it. You get to tell somebody, “I love you,” or at least, “I like you.” It means baseball’s Spring Training is about to start. And it’s a day when the thought really is more important than the gift. In fact, I have found that if you can get the right kind of thought going, Louie-Louie Generation ladies like my Lady Wonder Wench generally really get into a very…warm…spirit of…giving…so to speak. And if you are a Louie-Louie Lad like I am you will certainly put to good use the power of warm words…aural sex…and of course you will follow Big Louie’s advice having to do with any of your remaining moving parts. If you’ve got em…move em.

As Big Louie always says in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, “Do not forget Valentine’s Day. Even if she says you don’t’ have to get her anything, you have to get her something, and if you don’t somebody else will.” If nothing else, give her this (free) download of one of the stories in my Night Connections spoken word CD. It’s called “The Perfect Stranger.” https://www.yousendit.com/download/ZWJYQ1ZuQVNmVFlLSk1UQw

It’s TGIF, which means it’s time for the Dick’s Details segment of today’s podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s cluttering up your life out the other ear, and you can start thinking in opposites. This special thinking in opposites edition of Dick’s Details is devoted to dealing with telemarketers. Telemarketers set my teeth on fire. If you feel the same way, here are some thinking in opposite tips on how to deal with one. 1- Tell him to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down. 2- Tell him you think he’s really your buddy Mike playing a joke. Hey come on Mike, cut it out. How’s your mother.” 3- Tell him you’re busy right now, but if he’ll give you his home phone number, you’ll call him back tonight. 4- If it’s a woman, ask her to marry you, because you can’t give your credit card number to someone who isn’t in the family. 5- Tell him you’re under house arrest. Say, “Hey can you bring me a case of beer and some chips?” 6- If he says he wants to loan you money, tell him you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 7- If Verizon calls trying to get you to sign up for their Family and Friends plan, put on your most sinister voice and say, “I don’t have any friends. Will you be my friend?” 8- If he says, “Hey how are you?” Tell him aside from the sores and the broken bones and the dizziness and the worsening moments of rage you’ve been experiencing, you’re remarkably life like. You’ll notice there are only 8 suggestions here, and you were probably expecting ten. Everybody expects ten. Think in opposites. If it were important to have ten of everything why did Christ have 12 apostles” Christ knew how to think in opposites. For more information on thinking in opposites, check out today’s podcast. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Trying to get you to think in opposites on today’s podcast. It’s like candy bars are smaller than they used to be, and that’s why some smart guy thought backwards, and packaged them in bigger wrappers. Thinking in opposites could cheer you up. When you think you’re going down for the third time, remember you were never good at math, so you might have counted wrong. And there’s no reason to work so hard, hanging in there and grinding your teeth, because that will just cause your dentist bill to go up. Thinking in opposites can even help you properly identify your pet. If you can lead your pet to water and force him to drink, your pet is not a horse. And lots of folks dread getting up in the morning…but not this guy.

Let’s face it, boys and girls, the Louie Louie Generation is really not very currant when it comes to the tech generation. We know rotary dial telephones and cursive handwriting, but not a whole lot about x’s and o’s. We can stumble our way through a computer program as long as it doesn’t require a whole lot of thinking. And cell phones are handy as anything but they’re just small telephones. None of that sounds like fun. But – the Lad got me an I-phone for Christmas, and I have been having more fun than is good for my reputation as a sober, well-brought-up grandmamma.  Now I know that watching political rhetoric on television is LOL fun (see, I have learned)! But you take a new, serious, highly functional and insanely complicated I-phone and . . . away we go.

Got Facetime and we SEE our Cecelia and her cousin Bella regularly, not just once or twice a year. (They don’t live that close to us.) Got that neat texting, so our Air Force granddaughter can talk to us from Okinawa, and our daughter can let us know she got home from a looong trip safely in the middle of the night. Pictures? Yup, they go back and forth with ease (although I really do like having actual photos in my hand), and even silly videos are great to watch.  We know how well the kids are doing and we can let them see that although we really are of the Louie Louie Generation, we have adapted and are managing quite nicely, thank you.

Now if we could just text in cursive —

Today’s podcast is about thinking in opposites. For exampl, the early worm gets eaten by the bird. People who live in stone houses shouldn’t throw glasses. Humans are safe from computers, because we are basically a computer’s way of building another computer. Therefore we are essentially a computer’s sex organs. So calm down. Computers are too smart to destroy their own sex organs. What would they do on Saturday nights? Calm down. No matter how important a meeting is, you’re not late till you get there.