Dick Summer Connection

It’s FRIDAY so it’s time for Dick’s Details from today’s Podcast. Dick’s Details is a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s driving you crazy out the other ear, and you can go grab a grin. Rule of thumb: The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that your thumb nail grows more slowly than any of your other fingernails. Maybe if you stopped sucking it, it would catch up. If the answer is “Two mothers in law” what is the question. The zoo guys say a bison can jump as high as six feet off the ground. But you’ll never see a bison in the NBA, because the word is that bison are terrible at free throws. If you live an average life span, you’ll spend a total of about 6 months on the toilet. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could spend those 6 months all at once…right after you’re born. There would never be any embarrassment when there aren’t many gas stations open on long car rides. If the answer is “Two mothers in law” the question is “What is the natural punishment for bigamy?” Bigamy is an interesting word. It describes a conceited guy who has more than one wife…and he’s so conceited he figures there are more women than men, so he says to himself, “Taking care of two women is really quite bigamy.” Sorry. No I’m not. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

I guess you have to be a little crazy to be in love. But I think it’s no good to go swimming alone…or to a show alone…or to a restaurant alone…or to live your life alone. But maybe that’s just me. I just saw some no kidding statistics that said more people live alone in America than in any other country. In Manhattan for example, the majority of households are single person setups. People living alone. You’ve got to follow your crazy heart, but also you have to use your careful head. You’ve got to give someone you love enough room to grow, but not so much room that she gets lost. You can’t always be falling in love, but once you fall, it’s up to you to keep digging in deeper. It’s crazy. But love isn’t the only thing that’s crazy of course. Guilt is crazy too. And they very often happen together. There’s a story about that in today’s podcast.

You’ve got to be a little crazy to fall in love, because if you’re not a little crazy in love, you’re not really in love. It’s in today’s podcast. Love is sometimes confused with friction. Not fiction… friction. Rubbing together. But don’t knock friction. When my Lady Wonder Wench rubs against me she makes me feel like a magic genie pouring out of a bottle. She makes me feel magically powerful because she lets me make her feel storybook beautiful. It doesn’t work out that way for some people. Even story book people. The princess who kissed the frog that turned into a prince probably wasn’t pleased when the prince kept eating flies for breakfast. I got lucky. I went crazy and never came back.

In my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie Louie generation has lots of important household hints for guys who are trying to learn how to cook to impress ladies. For example, he always says “Guys who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen forget that the kitchen is where the knives are kept.” And “Never tell a woman she’s too good for you. Let it come as a surprise.” For more important information on how to deal with your love life, check out today’s podcast.

In my desperate attempt to learn something about women, I saw an article that said a modern woman really likes it when a guy makes dinner for her. I am not good at making dinner. But I have learned a couple of things about it from trying. Let me pass them along to you Louie Louie Generation guys. For example stuff you cook on the stove should be cooked on the medium setting till just before it boils over. Stuff in the little room under the stove…which is called an oven…should also be cooked on medium, and should be removed from the oven at the first sign of black smoke. Rule of thumb, where there’s smoke there’s toast…unless it’s something you put in the oven. And as Big Louie says in today’s podcast, be careful. If you decide to make French toast be careful you don’t get your tongue stuck in the toaster.

Happy Valentine’s Day. In my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, www.dicksummer.com I try to explain the fact that you’ve got to be a little crazy to fall in love, because if you’re not a little crazy in love you’re not really in love. It’s complicated. Especially for guys. The only way a guy can find out if a woman is feeling romantic is by puckering up and trying for a kiss. Sometimes that works, and sometimes she just turns her head, and rolls her eyes out loud, which leaves you kind of licking her ear. But Louie Louie Generation lads and ladies have been around long enough to know that love is like a bathing suit. It all depends what you put into it. So you’ve got to go all in.

Happy Valentine’s Day. In my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, I try to explain the fact that you’ve got to be a little crazy to fall in love, because if you’re not a little crazy in love you’re not really in love. It’s complicated.  Especially for guys. The only way a guy can find out if a woman is feeling romantic is by puckering up and trying for a kiss. Sometimes that works, and sometimes she just turns her head, and rolls her eyes out loud, which leaves you kind of licking her ear. But Louie Louie Generation lads and ladies have been around long enough to know that love is like a bathing suit. It all depends what you put into it. So you’ve got to go all in.

Louie Louie Generation folks who love Valentine’s Day are sometimes called hopeless romantics. And I’ve thought about that a lot. It seems to me that there is no such thing as a hopeless romantic. Because the only way you can be a romantic is if you are full of hope. There’s nothing that’s absolutely certain about hope. There’s no hope if it’s a sure thing. The only way you can have hope is to have the guts to take a chance…to risk failure. Hope is the opposite of a done deal. Having hope means I may get my heart torn out by loving my Lady Wonder Wench, but she’s worth the risk.I don’t think you can make anybody love you. So you can’t really make love. It happens if you’re lucky…and you have the guts to take the risk…and you take the time for slow, all night kisses, and you have a shoulder that’s ready for some of her tears…and you hold her hand…through everything…no matter how tough it is…you never let go of her hand. Never.

It’s Friday, so it’s time for the most popular feature of today’s podcast, Dick’s Details…a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s messing with your life out the other ear, and you can pop a chocolate covered cherry. 12% of Americans actually believe that Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife. That goes a long way toward explaining the recent election results. If the answer is, “A fang in your arm” what is the question? The smart guys in the white lab coats tell us that the #1 cause of depression in married people is being married, and the #1 cause of depression in single people is not being married. Can you imagine how confusing it must be for God listening to our prayers? Each year, 30,000 Americans are injured by exercise equipment. I think most of the injuries are probably caused by not using that exercise equipment. And if the answer is “A fang in your arm” the question is “what do you find if you shave the striped fur off a tiger.” A fang in your arm. The answer in the book is you find striped skin…but I like my answer better. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

Valentine’s Day. It’s about love, but it’s also about no love. (www.dicksummer.com/podcast )  A buddy of mine recently told me his wife left him…after 20 years. Here’s part of his e-mail: “We’ve talked about how infidelity would forever change our relationship, and probably end it. But I swear if she came to me tonight and told me the truth, and said she’d rather be with me than with him, I’d suspend that stupid statement…I love her more than I love my beliefs about the perfect relationship. I want a life with her more than I want revenge for something that was probably, at least in part, my own fault.” My buddy is a good guy. And I think I hear at least a little hope in that heartbroken note. And that’s good. I think love is pretty simple. You’re either in it or you’re not. But loving…what you do with that love…that can get pretty complicated. There’s all kinds of loving.