Dick Summer Connection

One of the most popular features of today’s podcast is Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally unimportant stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s always asking for your password out the other ear, and for a few moments you can delete all past due invoices. A doctor in Zurich says a bad chair can reduce your Viagral abilities by up to 30%. I like chairs. I don’t think there are any bad chairs. There are just some chairs that do bad things. I have often wondered what chairs would look like if our legs bent the other way. Of course if our legs bent the other way, I guess we’d have to come up with some other Viagral moves too. If the answer is “She might be trying to tell you something, what is the question. The Chinese Workers Institute says, “Kissing is dangerous and unhealthy and should be discouraged between consenting adults.” There are those who would say that kissing between un-consenting adults can be kind of dangerous too. It says here that Americans eat an average of 70 pounds of tomatoes a year. I guess among tomatoes, Americans are known as very vicious people. Oh yeah, If the answer is “She might be trying to tell you something,” the question is “Why did your girlfriend move without leaving a forwarding address.” If that’s your problem maybe you should check and see if your knees bend in the Viagrially approved direction. Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind.

In today’s podcast, Big Louie is telling us to pay attention to a woman’s voice. When a woman uses the word “Fine” that means it’s time for a guy to shut up, because the argument is over. When a woman uses the word “Nothing” it means something. Arguments that start with the word, “Nothing” very frequently end with the word, “Fine.” And when a woman says, “Go ahead” for God’s sake…DON’T. All that Big Louie wisdom is in my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot.

In my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, Big Louie (the head guy) says “Most of the time we have two reasons for doing anything. A good reason and the real reason.” So I told myself now I had a good reason for buying a smart phone. And I needed that good reason because the real reason is kind of silly. By the way, if you have a smart phone, take a picture of a friend with his face pushed up against a window. It will come out looking like your friend is trapped inside your phone. I’m having fun with this thing. But sometimes a cell phone can make you almost run off the road when you’re driving…and I don’t mean because you’re texting. There’s a story about that in my Night Connections 3 spoken word CD and in today’s podcast.

It’s confession time in today’s podcast. Most of my friends have fancy smart phones, and I had a simple flip phone for years. It worked fine. It made phone calls. I kept smugly telling my friends that’s why they called it a phone. Most of them kind of looked at me sadly and said something to someone named Sari who evidently lives in their phones. I was thinking that Sari must be a very popular lady. Then a couple of weeks ago, I was out flying in my plane with my buddy Mike and the moving map GPS screen went blank…and then a screen came up that said, “Do not turn off your computer. We are updating the database.” It is not a good idea for one of your important navigation instruments to decide to update itself while you are in a single engine airplane traveling at about 130 miles per hour, a mile high in the sky, dodging airliners, large land based birds, and the occasional drone. My buddy Mike who is also a pilot, simply reached into his pocket, pulled out his smart phone, threw me a smug smile, pushed the icon that brought up an ap called Fore Flight, and even more smugly asked if I’d like to see the moving map flight chart it was displaying. The super smug smiles were the result of the fact that I have been giving him a hard time about spending so much time and money on such a fancy-pancy phone, when I could make phone calls just as well on my much less expensive flip phone. But…now I finally had a good reason for forging ahead into the 21^st century. And I did. I bought one.

In my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, Big Louie says the reason why you figure it’s ok to leave your kid with a baby sitter so you can take a break from your “being a parent routine” at a night school class that you really enjoy, but you feel terrible and guilty if you leave your kid with a baby sitter to break your “being a parent routine” by going to a movie you really want to see. Big Louie is right. Most of the time we have to have two reasons for doing anything. A good reason and the real reason. So I have a confession to make in today’s podcast. Maybe this picture will give you a clue as to what I mean. 

In my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot, Big Louie, the head guy of the Louie Louie Generation says “Most of the time we have two reasons for doing anything. A good reason, and the real reason.” And I guess he’s right. I’m sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable black leather poppa chair in my living room, fondling a new toy that I have wanted for a while, but I couldn’t bring myself to get it until I figured out a good reason for buying it. Look, it’s like the first guy who said an apple a day keeps the doctor away, because he liked apples…even though he certainly knew that one onion would do the job very nicely for a week. His good reason was keeping the doctor away. His real reason was that he really just liked apples. We do lots of things like that. Check out today’s podcast to hear what I mean. 

It’s probably because of something that Big Louie said in today’s podcast that my head can’t seem to pull back from the idea of writing one of those self help books. Maybe one called, How To Perform Your Own Brain Surgery. Or The Repair And Maintenance Of Your Virginity. How about How To Convert A Wheel Chair Into A Dune Buggy. It’s all Big Louie’s fault. He’s always telling us that there’s no getting around getting older, but you don’t have to do it with a straight face.

It’s Friday, so here’s one of the most popular parts of today’s podcast: Dick’s Details, a bunch of totally un-important stuff for you to stuff in one ear, so you can squeeze the important stuff that’s driving you nuts out the other ear, and you can go grab a grin. If you are the average American guy, you drank 24 gallons of beer last year. That was some party. ? If the answer is there’s a thin ice sign in the middle of the lake, what is the question? A British doctor by the name of Pierre Marshall has applied to the government for funds to open a school for sex. I’ll bet all the students are busy studying for the final exam. There are more psychiatrists per person in Washington DC than in any other American city. And from what’s coming out of Congress I think those shrinks should hang their heads in shame. If the answer is there’s a thin ice sign in the middle of the lake, the question is who put the thin ice sigh out there in the middle of the lake. That’s what I’ve been saying…you’ve got to THINK.  Dick’s Details. They take your mind off your mind. Speaking of your mind, a quick re-minder…if you like these podcasts, or the spoken word CDs at Dick Summer dot com, please tell a couple of friends. They might like them too, and you’ll be doing me a favor. Thanks.

If you’re thinking of losing weight…WAIT. Stop. Think. Check out today’s podcast first.

As I was telling you in today’s podcast, it’s probably because of something that Big Louie always says that my head can’t seem to pull back from the idea of writing one of those self help books. Maybe one called, How To Perform Your Own Brain Surgery. Or The Repair And Maintenance Of Your Virginity. How about How To Convert A Wheel Chair Into A Dune Buggy. It’s all Big Louie’s fault. He’s always telling us that there’s no getting around getting older, but you don’t have to do it with a straight face.